Decades

You May Be the One, But You'll Never Be the One

Stevie's car would be here soon, and she felt obligated to walk down to the pool and say goodbye to the whole crew. Most of them would have figured out why she was leaving; there weren't a ton of secrets, and there was a lot of speculation among their inner circle. So, she strolled over, dark sunglasses on, sun hat in place.

Christine was tanning by the pool, looking perfect in her red swimsuit. Stevie sat down on the edge of her lounge chair, and she looked up from her cocktail. "Why are you running off, Steves? Don't leave me here with these maniacs," Christine told her.

"I've got to go," she hesitated, not wanting to explain, "If I'm going to be going back on the road, I've got to get my head together first. I can't do that here."

"Darling, do you want to take a walk and talk about it," Christine suggested, nodding her head toward Lindsey, who was watching them both from the chaise lounge he was sitting in. His area was cluttered with pool toys, and a bag with snacks and towels were hanging all about. Kristen was in the shallow end of the pool with their beautiful children, and they were picture-perfect.

Her adorable baby bump showing in her two-piece swimsuit and their beautiful children playing in the water were hard for Stevie to see. Stevie almost flinched at hearing their sweet laughter. Lindsey's family. She adored those children and wanted nothing more than to spend the day playing with them, too. Had they not started this affair, not that they'd ever really ended it, she would have enjoyed having a pool day with them.

She'd seen Lindsey interacting with them so sweetly, and she often felt a searing pain when she considered what would never be hers. Lindsey was staring intensely in Stevie's direction, and she shifted her body so he could no longer see her face.

Kristen was very aware that her husband, who had sulked the entire day, was now staring holes through Stevie. She wanted to take one of the kids' buckets and toss water in his face. It was humiliating when he fawned all over the singer on stage, but she could justify it as part of his job. This heartbroken stare-down he was doing right now couldn't be excused away and it was obvious to everyone by the pool that something was going on.

Everyone had begun to dial into what was going on between the two when Stevie appeared.

Christine grabbed her sarong and tied it around her tiny waist, slipped on her slides, and the two women strolled toward the walking path that led to some dramatic desert views. Lindsey resisted the urge to follow them but watched them until they were out of sight. When he looked back to the pool, Kristen turned her head quickly, pretending she hadn't seen. John and Mick glanced at each other knowingly.

"What's happened this time? Out with it," Christine said.

"Well, if you hadn't noticed, he has a pregnant wife and a couple of kids."

"Yeah, well, he had those the day before yesterday, too, and that didn't slow either of you down," Chris smirked. Stevie laughed dryly, not even attempting to concoct a story about how nothing was happening between the two of them.

"Somehow, it's not real when we're in our little bubble," Stevie paused. She wasn't sure how to express all that she was feeling, but she did her best. "We were, for all intents and purposes, back together, Chris. In love and the whole nine yards, or at least it felt that way," Stevie reached for Christine's cocktail and took a sip before continuing, "But, he went with her last night. And he just stood by and watched as I went with Edward." That part seemed to be what stung the most for Stevie that he'd just let her go.

"Where's Edward now? I know he left after he'd driven all that way here with Lindsey's wife and kids. What got into him?" Chris asked.

"I had to be honest with him. I told him it wasn't ever going to happen for us. That I thought he was great, 'It's me, not you,' and all that jazz," she shrugged. "Of course, he knew. He asked if it was Lindsey again. He said he knew the signs from the time we'd gone out before. He knew I wasn't over him. But, over the last year and change, he thought I'd gotten past Lindsey," Stevie stared out into the desert for a minute, being able to see for miles, and the dry breeze that blew was really lovely. She loved it here.

"I explained that I'd thought I could move on. I wanted to move on. But I couldn't help my feelings. He told me he'd seen it when they arrived before our encore last night. He wasn't surprised. He said we looked guilty. I don't know. I'm just tired of feeling guilty."

Christine questioned Stevie further, "Are you sure you couldn't make it work? Edward is fantastic. He's good-looking, kind, smart, funny, and clearly crazy for you. You have a ton in common, you told me. Couldn't you try?"

Sadly, Stevie shook her head, "I slept with him last night. We've slept together plenty of times in the last year or so, but I nearly crawled out of my skin last night. I just wanted him off of me. I wanted it over with. I faked it with him just so that he'd speed things along. I never want to be in that position again. I'm too old to fake anything. I'd rather be alone than to pretend for anyone."

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. You're so strong. Going back to being single isn't easy, I'm sure."

"It's not, Chris. But, being with someone I don't love is harder."

"Have you talked to Lindsey? He's doing the thing that you say is harder."

"We're done. He offered to leave Kristen. But, this was only after he'd let Edward take me back to our room, and he'd gone to his with his wife. It felt like a reaction rather than an action. If that makes any sense. I wanted him to put his foot down and say that I absolutely could not go sleep with another man while he had breath in his body. And I wanted him to run away with me. Instead, he ran away from me to his room to screw his pregnant wife."

Christine wrapped her arm around Stevie's shoulder as she struggled to maintain her composure. "He's all talk. He's not going to leave, not now, with a third child on the way. If he wanted me, he would have come for me instead of growing his family the way he has."

"Stevie, sweetheart, he loves you. I have no doubt about that."

"Love isn't always enough. I'm not a real option for him. He's always been too afraid to risk anything for me. And I wouldn't want him to leave those precious children and break their hearts. It's better this way. I just have to figure out how to have a life that doesn't include him."

Stevie glanced at her watch, "I've got to grab my bags. The car will be here in a minute." As they walked by the pool, Stevie stopped and spoke to every child playing there. Mick's girls gave her a big hug, and she didn't care that they dripped all over her. She stopped and told Kristen and the kids that she hoped they'd have a great time. She watched Will as he showed her pool tricks he was proud of. She gave LeeLee a kiss and squatted down to take a cracker from her when she offered.

She stopped and hugged both John and Mick. Their wives were spending the day in the spa, so Stevie told them to give them her love. Finally, she threw up her hand in a half-hearted wave to Lindsey, who was drinking a beer and watching her from behind his dark glasses. He didn't return the gesture, but she saw that his chin quivered slightly.

Chris offered to walk with her to get her things, and they linked arms and headed to the tiny house where Stevie's life had changed directions overnight. The car soon pulled up, dust flying everywhere. And Lindsey watched his two bandmates roll her bags out to the car, fighting his every instinct not to leave with her.

It was a brutal physical battle to remain seated. Until LeeLee climbed into the lounge chair beside him and put her little wet, blonde curls on his chest. Lindsey held onto her tightly, and he allowed her to be the thing that anchored him in place.

He kissed the top of his little girl's head and did his best to remember why he wasn't running away with the girl of his dreams right now. But he wasn't really sure at all. He never would be.

Stevie looked back once, and they held each other's gaze for just a brief second before she disappeared inside the black limo. Stevie closed the partition between herself and the driver as they pulled away. It was only then that she fully allowed the tears to come. She'd pull herself together before she saw Lindsey again. But, for now, she was alone, and she'd permit herself to grieve.