Decades

Clarity, Arizona, Population: 1

Lying beside Lindsey on the mattress on the floor of the rental house they were recording in felt as close to being at home as she had in years. LA had once felt like home to her. She supposed being back there now, it still did to an extent. But, somehow this temporary rental felt more secure than anything she'd experienced in far too long.

"Arizona always made things clearer, Lindsey," Stevie told him. "That night, on the way to the resort, I was devastated. Knowing your beautiful family was there and you were about to go inside and spend the night with your sweet, young wife made me so sad. Especially while I would be spending the night with a kind man who was perfect for me in every way, except that he wasn't you," Stevie's hurt was still fresh in her voice, "I wouldn't have upended your life. I couldn't say a word. I was the other woman. But, inside, I was begging you not to let me go. To not go with her."

Stevie drew away from Lindsey a little, those old insecurities bubbling to the surface. He felt the shift, and it caused a lump to form in his throat. They'd never discussed Arizona before.

"You had two children and one on the way, I couldn't ask. There was no fighting for you without hurting you and your family," she self-consciously fanned at her eyes, willing the tears not to start,

"But, I wanted—-I wanted to matter enough to you that you fought for me. I wanted you to love me enough that you didn't let me go with Edward that night."

Lindsey began apologizing and telling her it was the worst mistake he'd ever made. Stevie put her hands to his lips to silence him, "It hurt that I had to spend the night with a man I didn't love while the man I loved slept with his young and beautiful wife with his beautiful children in the next room. Sure, that part hurt me" she wiped her eyes before continuing, the tears refusing not to fall, "But, knowing you let me go, that was the part that killed me. I don't know what I expected you to do. I've thought about it a million times. I knew I mattered to you. I even knew a part of you loved me."

"A part of me? I did love you with my whole heart. I do love you, Stevie."

"I know. I know," she dismissed what he telling her, "But when held up beside your wife and your family, I was the one you let go. I couldn't blame you for choosing the life you'd built. But it made me realize I needed to finally let go of you, too. I couldn't hold on to you knowing you wouldn't choose me when faced with the choice."

"Stevie, I should have confessed everything to Kristen years before. Shouldn't have ever let things get that far. I have relived a million ways I could have gotten things right. You have to believe me. I've never gotten over you."

"Lindsey, you never took a real chance on me."

"That night, it killed me to let you walk away with Edward. I remember him swinging you around and kissing you, and I wanted to punch his face in and throw you over my shoulder like a caveman and take you away."

"But you didn't."

Lindsey pinched the bridge of his nose, "I didn't. I was a coward."

"You knew you could have me, but you didn't choose me, and you casually watched another man take me to his bed. This told me what I needed to know. You loved me, I knew. But you didn't love me enough."

"When I saw you by the pool," Lindsey told her, "I couldn't stay away. My wife was right there, and I went to you anyway. But, by then, you'd made up your mind. In the course of a couple of hours, I'd allowed my life to be turned upside down because of one wrong choice."

Stevie sat up a little now, wanting more distance, "Which choice was that, Lindsey?" she snapped.

"Not making you stay with me that night, not telling Edward you were mine and he couldn't have you," Lindsey told her, his voice going louder.