Decades

The Final Days

"Do you really love me? Like, really? The way you're saying you do?" Stevie asked Lindsey angrily, cutting off his pleading and affirmations of love.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you, baby. I love you more than anything. And I'm so sorry," Lindsey tells her. He is about to begin ramping up the agonizing pleas again, she fears.

"Then, leave. Walk away," Stevie emphatically orders him.

"How can you ask me to do that? I can't do it. I won't do it," Lindsey says as he tries to hold onto her hands. "I finally have you back." She had dressed, and when she attempted to leave the suite, he blocked her way—begging her just to sit down and talk to him.

She denied that there was anything left to talk about. When Lindsey wouldn't let the matter go, she reminded him that he had not loved her enough to give her the time he knew she needed to work out whether their relationship was a safe one for her. He'd spent the night with another woman like she didn't even exist, clearly proving it wasn't a secure relationship. It made it crystal clear why she shouldn't have chosen to be with him in the first place. She spat her feelings angrily.

"You certainly won't have any trouble getting over me," she said bitterly.

Lindsey sighed and grabbed at his hair wildly, "I'll never get over you. I haven't in more than two decades, Stevie. Don't you understand anything? I won't ever get over you," he begged. "Please, forgive me." Lindsey's apologies were brushed aside. As much as she wanted to accept them, she was hurt and angry. The painful truth of the matter was that a child who was part of him was growing beneath another woman's heart. That reality was larger than any love he might have for her. He just didn't know it yet, and so the onus was on Stevie to make the right choices for them all.

She didn't doubt that this pain was one she'd feel forever. She just hoped for the strength to make a clean break.

Stevie had dreamed that they'd have their happily ever after, but just as it was in sight, their story was taking an unwelcome turn, and Stevie realized this wasn't the ending they'd expected.

It had been such a sweet dream.

But he'd broken her heart, and he'd ruined their chance to be together. And now, in his desperation to force things to work with the two of them, Stevie feared he would miss the opportunity in front of him to be a real father. That was an opportunity that she couldn't give him, both saddening and angering her.

She felt so hurt and betrayed that she didn't know that she'd ever trust him enough to move forward with him, even if there wasn't a baby involved. But, since there was, Stevie certainly wouldn't let him make his choices based on his desire to be with her. He wasn't thinking clearly. She wouldn't allow him to miss out on his chance to immerse himself in fatherhood. Continuing their relationship would only cause them to resent each other, Stevie knew.

After a ridiculous amount of back and forth, Lindsey begged her just to wait until their emotions weren't running wild to make any decisions. Stevie had already decided for them both, but she was exhausted by his appeals and so agreed to put a halt to negotiations until the tour was over in a few days. "Let's just get through this tour," Lindsey begged.

Stevie conceded, "Okay. Let's just get through this tour."

—------------

That night, their performance was an emotional mess. The two went through every emotion on stage. During "Go Your Own Way," Lindsey felt a surge of anger toward Stevie. If she'd only accepted his love all those years ago when he was trying so hard to give it to her, they'd probably have their own family by now. This version of the narrative spun things in a way that absolved Lindsey of blame and put it on Stevie. She felt it on stage when he'd gestured to her with the same hurt and anger he'd carried since the seventies.

As Stevie sang about knowing what Lindsey had and what he'd lost, the pain on both of their faces was evident. Christine had a hard time standing behind her keyboard and not coming out and hugging them both. It would have been so much easier if they had stopped loving each other all those years before. They'd never fully move on from each other, and the entire band acutely felt that heartache on their behalf. They knew that for years to come, it would continue to reverberate through their group.

Stevie tried hard to sing Landslide with some hope in her voice, but Lindsey could be seen behind her wiping his eyes at one point.

The things they wanted to avoid saying were being said in front of thousands, as had always been the way of their tragic romance. Lindsey looked across the stage and saw in Stevie's eyes that she was attempting to let go.

When they sang Silver Springs, Lindsey came to Stevie to offer and try to receive comfort as she finished the song. They were both losing their struggle to remain composed. Stevie had her back to the audience, crumbling under the weight of their mutual heartache.

—------------

After they took their final bows, Lindsey wrapped his arms around Stevie as they walked off stage. He had her in an almost painful grip. When it came time to separate at their dressing rooms, she had to pry herself from his hold. Instead of walking to his own dressing room to change, he followed her inside. They were both shaky and unsure of how they needed to move forward with this new sense of dread between them.

Stevie was ready to get back to the hotel and be alone. She needed to get out of her stage costume. But, she felt shy, changing in front of Lindsey tonight. She realized how strange that was, considering how often she'd been undressed in front of him lately. But, now that she knew he'd been with someone else, someone so much younger, she felt self-conscious about the way she must look to him.

She slipped out of her boots and leggings, leaving her dress on. She didn't lift her dress when she pulled on a pair of pants. This effort not to expose herself wasn't lost on Lindsey. Even when they were at their worst, she hadn't hidden herself from him.

Lindsey hated that she seemed to be protecting herself from him. He walked over to her, moved her silky hair over her shoulder, and began to undo the buttons down the back of her dress. In the mirror, he caught a glimpse of her profile and could see she had clenched her eyes shut, swallowing her emotions. He wanted to punch the wall or break down and cry. Just a few nights ago, they couldn't get enough of each other's touch.

She only allowed him to unhook the first couple of buttons before she pulled away. "I'll just leave it on and put my coat on over my dress. Let me put on my Uggs, and I can change clothes at the hotel," she told him.

"Stevie, don't," Lindsey begged, reaching his arms around her waist and pressing a kiss into her shoulder. "Please, let's just go back to normal. We can, you know. It can be good again. Please. Don't leave me," Lindsey could hear her about to begin her explanation of why they were over, and he didn't want to hear it anymore than she wanted to give it. So, he added, "Don't leave me. Yet," implying he understood what she was going to do and simply wanted a little more time.

Lindsey's words relieved a little of the pressure to erect a barricade between them. She leaned into him briefly, allowing him to plant loving kisses on her temple and neck. She didn't undress, though, and grabbed her coat. Lindsey didn't even stop by his dressing room. He simply left instructions to have his things collected and brought back to the hotel. He kept his hands on Stevie the entire time they were leaving the venue, and when they settled into the limo on the way to their hotel, he had an arm around her shoulder and was holding her hand a little too tightly.

His thumb caressed the hand that he held. He squeezed her hand now and then, hoping for an answering squeeze that didn't come. With the hand over her shoulder, he ran his fingers through her hair and stroked her neck and shoulders.

She didn't resist, but she didn't return his touches.

His heart was splitting with need. He wanted Stevie to kiss him, to hold his hand, to lean her head into his shoulder, to share a smile or a laugh with him. Instead, Lindsey understood that she was making herself unreachable, only tolerating his touches, not finding solace in them. He had set a new path for their lives and had no idea how to correct their course.

Stevie was doing her best to harden herself to him. His touches burned her skin. She wanted so badly to melt into him, love him, and allow herself to be loved. But she was doing her best to remain strong and to resist the magnetic pull that he had on her.

Unsurprisingly, it was a skill she'd never perfect.