Decades

Spinning

Don carried Stevie to bed. As he tucked her into the big bed, he thought she looked so fragile and so beautiful. He hated the circumstances, but he liked taking care of her. Throughout their entire relationship, it was the first time he felt she needed him.

Sure, she liked spending time with him and enjoyed the things they did together; she liked partying with him, and they had great chemistry. But she'd always been very clear about being independent and had never even implied she might need him. She'd never hinted that she wanted anything more than what they had.

She had her own life and career and didn't want to compromise that. It was an easy relationship to be in, but seeing her this vulnerable made him want to do more to take care of her. He began envisioning himself married to her one day.

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Lindsey got into his car and let his rage and hurt get behind the wheel. He turned the radio volume up as loud as it would go, trying to drown out his angry screams. He hated himself for being such a fool. He hated Stevie for casting him in the role of a fool again.

Questions flooded his mind. Why would Stevie intentionally lead him on and break his heart again? She knew how much he loved her and how hard it was for him not to be with her. Each time he gained any distance from her, she'd give him hope, and he'd be back at the beginning of his heartbreak. He'd repeat the pattern of lust, love, longing, and loneliness always because of his involvement with her.

What was the point in reeling him back in if she didn't want him? Why lie to him and lead him to believe again that they had a future? Why could she not leave him alone and let him heal? Would he ever even heal?

Did his touches not move her the way hers moved him? Did the words they spoke and the sex they had mean less to her? Had it all been a lie?

Would he ever be strong enough to cut ties with her cleanly? He felt deep down that the only way he'd cut ties completely with her was if she chose to sever them. She held all the power. He simply loved her, and he hated her for it.

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He drove back to his own house, which didn't feel very much like home with Carol Ann. His home was Stevie. It was a beautiful, unstable home. One that he had lost, yet again, it seemed. And right now, his home was being invaded by another man. Don Henley was enjoying the comforts, the beauty, and the pleasure of his home.

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When he entered, Carol Ann greeted him tentatively. Lindsey looked like he had been crying, and he was obviously drunk. His moods could be volatile at times. She approached him cautiously, suspicious of what was going on with him. He'd avoided her for the last weeks.

Lindsey had a strong sex drive, as a rule, but he'd barely touched her recently. Other than a couple of drunken nights that she'd pursued him and he'd performed mechanically, there had been little else. He also hadn't wanted her around the recording studio or the band lately. She'd been excluded and painfully fought her urge to analyze why. Deep down, she knew.

Stevie Nicks.

Stevie was the most important person in Carol Ann's relationship with Lindsey. She chose to ignore it most of the time, but she knew when Lindsey paid her special attention, it was often because he wanted to make Stevie jealous. When she was vanquished, it was because Stevie was giving him her attention, and he didn't want it interrupted by an afterthought like her. The cruelty of it all could be devastating. But she loved Lindsey and their life enough to look the other way.

Tonight, he staggered in, seeming truly unhinged. He didn't even look at Carol Ann. He dropped his jacket on the chair and went to fix himself a drink. She noted that his hands seemed to be shaking as he poured the amber liquid into his glass.

Carol Ann walked behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. His body remained rigid. He didn't want her touch, but she persisted anyway. Leaning into his back, she ran her hands up and down his stomach and chest, hoping for some acknowledgment.

"I'm glad you're home. I've missed you," she told him. He downed his drink and prepared another before he seemed to notice her existence. He turned around and faced her. After staring at her for a minute, seemingly resigned to who he was with. He took a deep breath and pulled her in for a rough kiss.

There was no love or passion for her in his movements, just a need to forget some of his rage and pain. He didn't even bother taking her to the couch or the bedroom, just there on the floor of the kitchen. He lowered them carelessly, drunkenly.

"Pants off," he grunted. Carol Ann removed her pants, not sure what he needed, but if it was only her body, she was happy to provide it. Even if he was just fucking her, she was glad to have him home and touching her again.

He kissed her again with his eyes closed tightly, blocking her out. Then, after much grinding against her naked body, clawing and squeezing her breasts and hips, she felt him becoming hard. He unzipped his pants and guided himself roughly into her. She couldn't find his rhythm or match his intensity.

She gasped from the discomfort since she wasn't quite ready to receive him when he entered her. He briefly opened his eyes as if seeing her for the first time. "Here I am, I love you," thought Carol Ann, imploring him with her eyes to see her.

But this seemed to make him lose his erection. He tried to jam himself inside of her again and again, even though things were not working.

Finally, without warning, he withdrew completely and told her to get on her hands and knees. Lindsey was trying to purge both women's images from his mind. He mostly wanted to chase away the images that were forming in his mind of the way Stevie's face must look as Don made love to her tonight.

The whole series of images was not conducive to the kind of sex anyone would want. He was stroking himself behind her, trying to get hard enough to do this. He eventually pushed himself inside her again.

Lindsey was so frustrated with the images in his head. He had to take Carol Ann from behind in order to complete the unsatisfying act. From behind, with her blonde hair hanging down, if he allowed his eyes to become unfocused, he could almost fool himself into thinking this was Stevie. It's the only way he could finish. This wasn't the first or the last time over the years that he'd relied on this pathetic trick, but it worked.

He imagined Stevie on the receiving end of each furious thrust, enjoying his body connecting with hers. She would understand his passion for her and want it all. He ignored Carol Ann's moans, wasn't sure, and didn't care if they were discomfort or passion. His orgasm had been hard to obtain. The drinking, heartbreak, and partner he didn't prefer hadn't helped.

His strokes took on a manic pace until, finally, he pulled out and came on Carol Ann's back and ass before rolling over onto the tile floor, fighting tears when he had to bite back the word one word that formed on his tongue, "Stevie."

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Across town, Stevie's eyes popped open, and tears sprang to her eyes. She'd had a very unpleasant dream about Lindsey. She couldn't shake the feeling she was losing him. She moved her body slightly away from Don's sleeping one, disentangling herself from his arms. The way his skin felt against hers was unnerving her.

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Carol Ann snuggled in closer to Lindsey, praising his spontaneity and appreciating the animal attraction they had for each other, spinning a more acceptable retelling of what had just happened between them. 

Lindsey wanted to crawl out of his own skin.

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