Decades

Bumps in the Road

The telephone rang and awakened Stevie. She was disoriented and looked at the clock on her nightstand in the darkened room. She wasn't sure if it was 4 am or 4 pm. She was so tired. She reached for the phone and heard Lindsey's gentle voice on the other end. "Hey babe, are you okay? You were supposed to be here at 3:00. I gave you an hour since I didn't expect you to be right on time, but since you're still not here, I was getting concerned. Wanted to call and check that you were alright."

She flipped on the lamp and told him she'd overslept but would be there soon. She grabbed the mirror beside her and chalked out a nice, fat line, so she'd have the energy to get moving. Her hands were shaking, and she felt very queasy. She'd had a few drinks before dozing off.

She got up to wash her face and walked naked into her bathroom. The sight of herself in the mirror startled her. She was rail thin and pale with dark circles under her eyes, and her thighs, hip, and pelvis had quite a few small bruises left by Lindsey. She needed to lay off the coke and not drink so much. Tomorrow, she'd get some rest and then take a hiatus from using so much. She needed to get her appetite back.

As she was brushing her teeth, a wave of nausea came over her, and she violently vomited. When she stood, she braced herself against the wall, combatting the vertigo she was feeling. She wondered if it was the heavy pours of brandy she'd had last night or if she was coming down with something.

The whole way to the studio, she fought that nauseous feeling. She alternated between sleeping and going to the bathroom to dry heave while they were in the studio. Lindsey walked to the bathroom to check on her and felt her head, she was cold and clammy. He was concerned, and offered to come home with her. But, she knew Carol Ann had been upset with him about the time he'd been spending away from her.

Not that she cared about Carol Ann's feelings, but if she wasn't up to having some fun time with Lindsey, she'd rather wait until she'd bounced back. She needed to ration the time she spent with him and him watching her vomit didn't seem like a good use of their limited time together.

Stevie decided that when she got home, she'd call the concierge doctor, who the band sometimes used, to see if he could swing by and check her out. 

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Later that night, Lindsey had gone back home, which made them both feel strange. He snuck away to call and check on Stevie, and she informed him that she was having trouble holding anything down. He offered to come over and take care of her. But Stevie declined, sure she'd be okay in the morning. She told him she'd rather have him all night when she could take advantage of it, rather than when she was going to be drinking ginger ale and throwing up.

Stevie was feeling tired, and unwell. And lonely. She didn't enjoy being alone, and did miss Lindsey's being nearby. 

To be on the safe side, she decided to call the doctor to take a look at her. It was then that she received the earth-shattering news that she was expecting a baby. She immediately ran to the bathroom and heaved.

She lay awake that night and imagined a baby, a baby girl with her dad's blue-grey eyes and dark curls. It might not be that bad. Lindsey had always wanted a family with her. But, her cocaine use would have to stop if they decided to keep the baby. She didn't even know if she wanted a baby, she wanted to be a musician. She knew that for certain.

She also didn't know whether Lindsey actually wanted a baby either. They'd discussed it when they used to live together in one of those "someday" conversations that people have when they're lying in each other's arms after particularly satisfying sex. The future always seems brighter and full of possibilities at those times.

All night her thoughts raced, and she couldn't call Lindsey. He was at home, asleep, with his girlfriend in bed beside him. She'd talk to him after her appointment with her gynecologist in the morning. She'd know more by the time they met at the studio in the afternoon.

The doctor congratulated her, confirming that she was indeed pregnant. After bloodwork and an ultrasound, the doctor delivered even more news that she wasn't prepared for. Lindsey was not the father. She felt like she had been punched in the throat. The unfairness of the situation crushed her. She'd studied her journal last night and knew the dates she'd slept with both men. No matter how hard she wanted it to work out differently, Don Henley was this baby's father.

She wouldn't discourage Don from coming into town this weekend after all. She'd need to be upfront with him. Over the next two days, she struggled with waves of morning sickness paired with regret. Why had she been so stupid? She'd only gone to Don to cleanse her palate after Lindsey's rejection that day.

All daydreams of having a baby with Lindsey were gone. Now, she either cemented a life without Lindsey by having another man's child or she had an abortion. She knew if she had a baby, she'd hurt Lindsey in so many ways. She knew she couldn't stay in Fleetwood Mac. Not only would she and Lindsey be losing each other for good, but they'd also be losing their musical connection. 

By this point, she knew that a lot of the success of Fleetwood Mac was tied to her. She was pained at the idea of doing something that would sabotage Lindsey's career and doom their relationship. 

She'd done so much cocaine and drank entirely too much lately.  She couldn't even imagine that the pregnancy was even viable. The entire night, she lay alone in her lonely bed, torturing herself with possible outcomes. She wasn't sure what she should do. But she owed it to Don to tell him she was expecting his child. She needed to figure out how she was handling this before she sat down with Lindsey to tell him.

Why must life always be so complicated?