S.H.I.E.L.D ACADEMY

73. Scared

"I kissed Bucky," You burst out the second the plane aired.

It had been silent between you, but the truth was choking you up. You couldn't hold it in any longer. Guess being stuck on an airplane for 9 hours was good for something? A chance at chatting up. You didn't look at him. You didn't know what you would face. You knew that at one point, you would have to. He didn't say anything, and your nerves got the best of you.

"And this isn't the first time- I mean it was my first time kissing Bucky or what I mean is that it isn't my first time kissing a man when I was kinda seeing you too. I kissed Matthew Murdock, he was actually the one who made me realise that I wanted to be with you," words were rambling out your mouth as you finally looked up at him in fear. His face was unreadable.

"Truth is, I am petrified of being with you, so I do all these things to not be... not be with you." You said, taking a heavy breath.

What had you just said?

Steve looked at you, not giving you any signals of his emotions. He knew how to cover them up. He tried to chew on your words. He could feel his fists tighten up as he heard you speak. He had to keep himself in check for not throwing a hand in the wall. God knows, he could tear apart this plane. It was not easy for any man to hear words like this being spoken, however, Steve was no ordinary man. He took a deep breath. It hurt, but he couldn't say he was shocked. He didn't blame his friend either. He knew Bucky had it out from you in the beginning. He just wished his friend could've been more open about his intentions. It wasn't like they hadn't shared in the past.

Hearing you say that you were scared of him, that was a bigger bite to chew on. He knew it wasn't truly about you fearing him, but rather the reality of staying together. What it meant. This had been the longest you had been the longest you had been together, yet it had only been weeks. Those weeks showed you that it was possible, and that... that could be terrifying for someone like you.

"Do you desire to be with either of them?" Steve asked, trying to keep his impulses in check. He knew his perfect shell was starting to crack.

"No, they don't make me feel the way you do," You said, not even blinking before answering.

It was the truth. You didn't need time to think.

"And how do I make you feel?" Steve asked, looking into your eyes.

Magical. Hopeless. Happy. Sad. It was a ton of emotions that Steve made you feel. Perhaps that was the point. He made you feel. Which you had been a stranger to for far too long. You had hid yourself behind screens, and if it wasn't a screen it was a mask. A mask to tolerate the boredom of humanity. Steve was able to take off that mask. See the real you. Again, that scared you at times.

"I hope not only scared?" Steve kept his voice low.

You swallowed.

"No, you make me feel... alot," You said leaning the side of your head towards the seat so your full face was towards Steve. He nodded.

"And does that scare you?" Steve asked. He knew the answer, but he needed you to say it out loud. It was the only way for you to grow.

You nodded.

"Use your words," Steve reminded you.

"Yes, it scares me. I'm not used to it," You said.

Steve nodded. He looked down at your hands. Your fingers were still intertwined. Before you weren't used to intimacy, and now look at you. It came natural to you. Steve knew you just needed time, and you would behave the same way when it came to your emotions. He knew he couldn't pressure you, but... it didn't harm guiding you.

"You need time to learn how to embrace your emotions," Steve said with a little smile, even him wasn't used to hearing himself this wise. He leaned in closer to you, close to your ear so no one else couldn't possible hear his next words.

"You use to be scared of intimacy, now look at you," Steve whispered as he let his other hand fall on your upper thigh. He knew what buttons he was pushing.

"Now you crave it, don't you?" Steve asked, looking up at you.

You almost gulped by the words he was saying. 'Used to it', is definitely not the way to describe your reaction to Steve's playful side, however, embracing it you had. You immediately looked away from Steve and around the plane. You already knew he was insane, but this was another level.

"Don't worry, I won't do more, unless you want me too," Steve caught your attention again.

You stared at him, trying to grasp what he was saying. You felt his hand as he just gently moved it up and down your thigh, higher and higher every time. You could already imagine how it would feel, but you stopped yourself shaking your head. He was crazy.

"We're on a plane, everyone could see us," you said and huffed his hand away from your body, as you threw a blanket over you, trying to create space between the two of you.

"Perfect, a blanket is a good way to hide," Steve laughed low as he leaned his head back onto the seat.

This conversation was far from over.