𝙇𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙢 𝘽𝙤𝙙𝙮 : ̗̀➛ 𝙙.𝙙

84

Del sat on the couch with Beth in her arms, watching Daryl shut the door behind him. She stared intently at the door. She hated to see him go, but she was tired, drained. She didn't want to be the old her anymore, the angry one, but she had to.

"I feel bad," Jake stood at the bottom of the stairs. She snapped her gaze to him but he kept his eyes fixed on the door.

She said nothing. She wanted to lash out, her own brother had looked at her as if she was insane. They all had. Maggie, Glenn, Rick, Michonne, Daryl, and it all tore her to pieces. She abd meant every word she said. She was tired of being disregarded because she was a mother. Her gut hurt, she just counted down the seconds until something bad happened. She knew the Saviors were looking for them but it didn't even matter to say because everyone would dismiss her as crazy.

"I like Daryl," Jake continued.

"Go away," Del swatted him. She couldn't continue to listen to her little brother.

"You're being unfair."

She felt burning in her chest. Unfair? She was being unfair?

"Are you serious right now?" She snapped, but quiet enough to not wake Beth.

He just shook his head, his lips pursed. His eyes looked older. He looked older. Her little brother now carried the look of the burdened world, and she felt as if it was her fault. She was losing him because of it. Hell, she was losing everybody.

"You remember at the prison... that night in the woods... when I shot David?"

Her breath hitched in her throat. It was the first he had mentioned him since it happened. Mentioned the entire night. He had looked so young then, like wounded.

She didn't say anything, just stared at him with wide eyes.

He continued.

"That night, I didn't sleep, I didn't think I was ever going to be able to sleep. You know the night I got the best sleep ever was after that?... When we all got separated, when I thought you and Kay and everyone we love were dead. When I thought me and Daryl and Beth were the last people alive... he sat that entire first night by my pallet on the floor and I had never felt safer." With that he turned on his heel and marched back upstairs. She listened as he shut his door quickly. Then her eyes clouded with tears, hot tears. Rolling down her cheeks. It had been awhile since she had cried. Maybe he was right. Maybe she was unfair. And maybe she had been losing her mind. She did need help, but that didn't make her place any less valuable.

...

"Del... Del, what are you doing?" Maggies voice was soft as she spoke. Del didn't break her eyes away from the bag, stuffing it full.

"Del..." Glenn placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. She jumped, pushing him back.

"Don't fucking touch me!" she snapped. Their eyes were wide, Glenn more scared, Maggie looking concerned. Del was tired of that look, the look like everyone felt bad for her. It drove her nuts. The unbearable feeling of sickness that loomed in her chest, sickness. That was the word. Sickness because she felt it coming. She knew they had screwed up going to the compound. All of them had.

"Del, everyones worried bout ya.." Maggie stepped towards her, "What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving."

"Leaving?" Glenn said softly.

"Yes, I have to go. This place ain't safe no more. I know it isn't-"

"Del, we have shelter and water and food now-"

"That ain't what I mean! You all don't listen! You never do! Things never last for long! They're never stable!"

"I think you're having something called postpartum psychosis. We all just wanna help you." Maggie looked at her with soft eyes. It was the first time Del had really got a look at her face. She looked like how she always had. Young, caring Maggie. The only friend she had left, the only friend she had ever had before the world went to shit. They were girls together, and now... now she didn't know.

Del broke her eyes away from Maggies. She wasn't sick. She knew what being sick in the head felt like, this wasn't it. This was more than that.

"Hey, listen..." Glenn stepped forward again as Del zipped the bag, "Stay the rest of the week, okay? Go see Denise, get checked out, get some help, and then, if you still feel like you need to go, then go."

Del took a deep breath, rubbing her temples. She wanted to go. There was nothing there for her anymore. Her own brother hated her, Daryl hated her, everyone looked at her like she was crazy.

"Okay. Okay, one more week." She inly agreed because Maggies pregnancy. The last thing she wanted was to make Maggie feel abandoned while pregnant. She now knew how it felt, and she knew how nobody would take her serious after having her baby. She would understand, soon enough she would.