𝙇𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙢 𝘽𝙤𝙙𝙮 : ̗̀➛ 𝙙.𝙙

91

"Do you believe in god, Red?" Negan stood, staring out the window. The room casted an orange evening glow, Del dug her fingernails into her palm.

"Why?"

"Just want to get to know you."

"And that's your starter question?"

Negan turned on his heel, smirking at her. She wished she could sink into the couch, all the way in, be swallowed by it.

"Okay, what's your favorite color?"

Del eyed up at him as he stepped towards her, swirling the drink in his hand. He stopped in front of her, using his free hand to place a finger under her chin, tilting her head up to look at him.

"Drink." he pressed the whiskey glass to her lips. He inched away, keeping her eyes glued on him.

"No."

"You don't like whiskey?" He furrowed his eyebrows, "Because I have a big selection-"

"I'm a recovering alcoholic," she said softly, like she was a mouse. He raised his eyebrows, a small smile crept across his face.

"See, now i'm getting to know you... Now, your favorite color?" He left his body weight drop onto the couch in front of her. She stared down at her lap. It used to be red, before Glenn, before all that blood...

"Blue."

"Why?"

"It's the color of the sky... I miss it." She didn't mean to say that out-loud, she said it as a whisper.

"You miss being outside? You would think someone who's been spending this whole shit never staying in one safe place would love to finally be locked up somewhere safe." He took a sip of his drink.

"It isn't safe here. Nowhere is safe, you showed me that."

"Well, if your people hadn't attacked one of my compounds then this wouldn't be happening. You know you guys killed over a hundred of my men? Hm? I'd say thats pretty even, you kills hundreds of mine and I only kill two of yours? I mean, that's a steal!" His laughed bellowed.

She stared down at the whiskey glass, grabbing it and taking a harsh swallow.

"You wanna know about me, really, hm?" She didn't let him answer before she continued. "I was born in Georgia. There was four of us, I was the second youngest child. My mom abandoned us after my little brother was born. My dad was an abusive piece of shit. I left him for dead and then still went back and bashed his corpse brain into nothing on the floors of my childhood home. I grew up with Maggie, her dad was my dad and her sister was mine until I lost her and my actual sister.... and my older brother. I got engaged young because I thought thats all I was good for. He was an amazing guy. He was sweet and soft and everything I thought I wanted... then I killed him. I was an alcoholic and then the world went to shit and I fit in perfect here.. I was the troubled child. Kay was perfect, good grades, sweet girl. Eddie was a jokester, even through all the abuse he smiled so so much. Him and I got the worst of it...Jake was quiet, so he never stirred up dad much, but believe it or not my dad called himself a christian, so I was raised Christian. Maggie used to take me with her family to church on Sunday mornings, and ironically the love I felt from her and her family truly did make me believe in a god, all the way until... Anyway, to answer your question, I did believe in god, then I didn't, but now I do again. Because at first all I could think was what god would take everyone I love away from me? But then I realized, he took all the good ones away because this is hell. This is the hell it spoke of in the bible. So yes I believe in god, and i'm being punished... Your turn."

He smirked at her, leaning forward towards her as he set his glass down harshly. She took a long drink of her whiskey, keeping her eyes glued on him.

"How about this for something you should know? I know more about you than you could ever believe."

...

Del stared down at Negan. The room glowed from the lights outside. He slept with his mouth hung open, snores escaping his lips. She slipped her feet softly onto the floor, creeping to the door.

It had felt like forever that she got to move around in something other than the short black dress. The concrete was cold beneath her feet.

She rounded the corner, Sherry leaned against the wall, passing Del the cigarette as she began walking.

"Is he asleep?" Sherrys voice was soft. She was the kind of girl Del would be jealous of in high school. The girl who was feminine, sweet. She used to be like that. Sherry reminded her of herself back on the farm, the early days, when pain hadn't quite over-consumed her yet.

"Yeah. He's been asleep for a while."

"Did you uhm... Did you-"

"Sleep with him?" Del look a long drag of the cigarette. "No. I'm trying everything I can to put that off."

"Sooner or later you run out of tricks and ways to go around it. It's really not as bad after the first few times, ya know. You feel less disgusted with yourself each time. It actually becomes enjoyable at some point. He never uh... Forces you, ya know? It's not like that."

Del glanced at Sherry, trying to hide the disgust on her face. She didn't want to judge Sherry, because she would do anything to keep the ones she loved alive too, she had done much worse.

"I don't see myself ever enjoying it."

It went quiet for a second as Del followed Sherry. She could feel her heart in her stomach. She didn't know if it was the fear of being caught or the fear of talking to Daryl. She regretted so much. She should have spent their last few nights in Alexandria together. She should have slept in the same bed as him, should have forgiven him, because now she didn't know if she would ever get a chance to lay in bed with him again, to tell him how sorry she really was.

"So you and Daryl... are you together or.."

"Uhm, no not anymore. I don't know if we ever really were, ya know? Just screwed around and ended up pregnant."

"You have a kid?"

Del felt a smile creep on her face thinking of Beth, of Jake playing peek-a-boo with her.

"Yeah. She'll be four months old in two days..." Del trailed off. She wouldn't be there for it. She  may never see her daughter again. May never be there for her first birthday or first steps or first words. It had only been a week and she already felt as if her entire world was changing without her there.

It went tensely quiet, because Del didn't want to think about it and she knew she had made Sherry said talking about it. Music echoed through the hall. Del picked up her steps, rushing towards the music.

"Delilah.. You have to slow down!" Sherry whisper-shouted. Del turned on her heel to look at her. "You go on your own from here... I'll keep a look out around the corner and try to distract anyone who comes... but if I can't then you're on your own."

Del tucked her lips, staring at Sherry.

"Why are you doing this for me?"

Sherry sighed, grabbing the cigarette from Dels hands.

"Because I know how it feels to wish you could have had one more night with the people you love."