Linstead - Broken hearts

Chapter 43

They decided on Erin's apartment, it was the closest to the bar. They barely had time to look where they were going when they arrived at the apartment. She kisses him until they reach her bed and she pushes him away. Jay sits up pulling her into her arms, but she moves away.

- Let's play... - she says, leaning over and taking Jay's handcuffs. - I was bad and you need to punish me. -she says shaking the handcuffs, lust clouding her eyes, but Jay's no longer.

- No handcuffs. - he tries to focus on her and her kisses again.

- But I want handcuffs. I've never done this, it'll be fun. -she says opening the handcuffs and smiling excitedly, but when she goes to hand them to him, he puts them aside. Jay pulls her in for another kiss, but she refuses. - Babe, is everything okay? - she asks strangely. She had something there and now she wanted to know what it was.

- Nothing, we just won't use handcuffs. - he says and she looks at him, wanting answers just from his look.

- Okay, no handcuffs. -she accepts and when she finally accepts his kiss, he gently picks her up and lays her on the bed. He's changed, and as much as she wants to, now she wants to know what happened. Then she breaks his kiss and looks at him. - Jay, is everything okay? - she says looking into his eyes.

-Yes.-He responds making it clear that he doesn't want to talk, but she is no longer in the mood.

- For. - she asks and this scares her, as he immediately moves away and sits down.

- I'm sorry.

- Jay, what's going on? Why are you apologizing? - She sits down too.

- I do not want to hurt you. - he says.

- You're not hurting me. - She smiles at him. - Are you afraid of hurting me with the handcuffs? - she asks and Jay looks at the bed, avoiding her gaze. - Hey... - she holds his face. - If we're going to do this, we need to talk. If we are intimate to have sex, we have to be intimate to talk about it, what is bothering you? - she asks and Jay looks into her eyes.

- I don't want you to feel used. - he says and once again looks away.

-Why did I...-then her record drops. Her heart weighs heavily and she takes a deep breath. - Jay... I don't feel used, not by you. - She approaches him and he looks at her. She realizes that since she told her what she suffered, Jay really refused anything that was too intense, she was accepting, but at no point did she think it was for that reason.

- It's not right Erin, after everything you told me, you know, now I can think better, every time, the way I treated you...

- The way I asked you to treat me? Jay, we were just fucking and I was horny.

- Erin... - he takes a deep breath thinking about his next words and looks at her. - I will never want you to feel used or like an object, or mistreated or anything that reminds you of what you suffered. - he says. - I love you and everything you went through was horrible, I don't want you to go through that ever again.

- And I'm not going to pass. - She puts her hand on his shoulder. After I was rescued it took me 8 years to have a relationship with someone again. I didn't have the courage, I didn't have the will and above all I was scared to death. So to have pleasure I satisfied myself alone. First with my fingers, then with vibrators and the like. That was when I started to get to know my body, and therapy helped me. When I was with a man consensually for the first time, it wasn't good, he was more focused on his pleasure and at the time I couldn't say how I felt pleasure. So I gave him oral and we had sex and that was it. - she says, as painful as her childhood and pre-adolescence were, she was dealing with it very well since then.