My Rockstar's World

Chapter 30

It's hard to not immediately forgive someone and fully trust them when they just tattooed your initial on themselves. Hard, but not impossible.

Sure Bawdy might not have done anything with those girls while away, but the thought of it drove me insane. I'm worried that I'll go through the same thing the next time that I see photos of him online or some rumors are spreading.

It's so hard to want to fully trust someone when they are being talked about differently so much. It takes me a while to really let anyone in, and I'm honestly scared of getting hurt.

He causes my emotions to run rabid. He's already cost me my job and has caused me so much more stress while trying to stay focused.

While the tattoo is probably the hottest sign of admiration that anyone has ever done for me, I'm almost scared that he is this certain about wanting me in his life permanently. I don't even know what job I'm going to have in a few months, let alone what I want to do the rest of my life.

I love his spontaneous ways, but I can't help but wonder if he really is good for me in the long run. Kennedy may have helped me think up these thoughts. She thinks that I've been distracted by good sex and a hot man. She's not wrong, and I don't mind the distractions one bit. But at the end of the day I know that he is distracting me, no matter how much I don't want to admit it.

And that's exactly why I told him that I need a little bit of time and space to really think things over. I was scared that he'd be pissed at me seeing that he just tattooed me onto his skin, but he was calm and respectful about my ask. He was just happy that I at least told him the reason (for the most part) of why I need some time to get my thoughts straight.

I swear I've experienced almost every possible emotion the past two weeks, and he has caused all of them. Pleasure, jealously, sadness, anger, love, or perhaps it's just infatuation and lust blinding me.

Instead of sitting at home overthinking, I decided to follow through with my plans of going to Iris's birthday party. I couldn't just skip out on celebrating one of my best friends because I'd rather have a pity party for myself.

Kennedy and I step out of an Uber at Iris's brother's house. I've been to Kevin's house before a couple times, but I've never seen it this packed. I know that Iris is a social butterfly, but I can't imagine her actually knowing this many people.

We head into the kitchen, which is already looking trashed with cups littering the counters and on the floor. It's giving me flashbacks of all of the sticky floors when I'd go to a lot of frat parties my first two years. Honestly, it makes sense given that Kevin is in a frat. That would explain all the unruly boys shot gunning beers.

"Hey, guys!!" I turn around to find Iris who is yelling and waving at us from across the kitchen. She makes her way past everyone standing around and throws her arms around Kennedy and me. "I'm so happy to see you!"

Kennedy and I both wish her a happy birthday. "So who are all these people?" Kennedy asks.

"Kevin said that if I had it here then he should get to invite people too. I guess word spread, but the more the merrier." She giggles and takes a sip of her drink. She's clearly had a couple already. I don't know how she is going to survive all night in her heels without tripping.

Two people run up to her. The guy grabs her arm. "Come play pong with us. Table just freed up."

"Okay!" She replies enthusiastically. "You guys remember Thomas and Tracy from earlier this semester?" She asks Kennedy and me.

"Oh, yeah! From the club. Good to see you guys," Kennedy replies quickly.

Their gazes shift to me, expecting me to reply next. Truthfully, I don't remember them at all. No need to be awkward about it, so I just reply, "Hey! How are you guys?"

"Good, good," Tracy replies. "Sorry to steal Iris away."

"It's all good," I say with a laugh. "Go, go," I say to Iris. She waves and runs off with those two.

"Who are they again?" I ask Kennedy.

She laughs. "It was the first night that we went to Bawdy's party. We met them at the club after when we met Iris." That certainly explains why I don't remember. I was ten miles past blacked out.

That seems like so long ago but also not long at all. I can't believe that Bawdy cared to make sure that I was all right, even though he completely over reacted. It was caring, but it was also rash. I think I was a bit blinded by him at the beginning that I didn't think anything weird of the situation.

But then again, I kind of like the idea of someone ready to fight for me.

"Well, no wonder I don't remember," I say while laughing. I take a long sip of my drink, which tastes bitter as I think about how that night had also started with seeing Bawdy with other girls all over him.

He was originally supposed to come with me. Iris loves her birthday and sent out the date for her party a month ago so no one had the excuse of making plans beforehand. Bawdy has brought me to his friends' parties, so I only thought that it was natural to ask him to come with.

Although I assured him multiple times how different the scene would be from his usual fancy parties.

Even with that information, he still wanted to come. He wanted to meet more of my friends and see what my world was like. He even had his assistant put it into his calendar.

"Want to take a shot?" I ask Kennedy in an attempt to stop my mind from thinking about him. I've wasted enough negative energy on him this week.

"Count me in for a shot!" Someone shouts, and I turn to look over my shoulder. Charlie has a large smile on his face and is standing with his roommate David.

"Hey, Charlie!" I say and give him a hug. "Good to see you again, David!" I give him a hug also and then introduce them to Kennedy.

David smiles extra wide when he greets Kennedy, and I can see her blush a bit.

"So shots?" David asks already reaching for a bottle on the counter. I've been spoiled recently with expensive alcohol, and the shot burns and tastes like a bitch going down my throat.

We make our way onto the dance floor after, although it is so packed in the small living room that we're barely able to move. Someone almost rams into Kennedy trying to get by, and David pulls her a step closer to him, keeping his arm protectively on hers. Her gaze meets mine, and we both exchange a glance while smiling letting me know that she's potentially feeling something towards David.

With all the wild love life things that I've had going on, it's about time that she gets a helping of it.

We dance and sing to a few songs, and I swear that the room has gotten more packed. There's a bunch of cheering coming from the kitchen. Sounds like Iris must be taking shots with people or something.

Charlie and I have been trying not to be on top of one another, but it's nearly impossible with people coming by. I'm basically standing side-by-side with him, but I'm a little more forward so the back of my right leg keeps rubbing up on the front of his left leg. The first few times it happened, we both went to apologize to one another.

At this point, we've just accepted our fate.

All of a sudden, more cheering starts to ripple into the living room, and the crowd opens up a bit. My back is towards all of the commotion, and it's a bit too hard to fully turn my body around.

I feel a hand land on my shoulder. I'm wearing a dress with spaghetti straps, so I feel the touch directly on my skin. The large hand sends shivers through my body as it tightens its grip.

My body only responds that way to the touch of one person usually.

My head whips around, and I look up, staring directly into icy eyes that are slightly covered by black strands of hair.

"Gianna," Bawdy says, his lips tight.