My Rockstar's World

Chapter 61

Bawdy scrunches his forehead and looks at me with annoyance. "What the fuck did you just say."

"She has dark hair like you. You're being secretive. I should have believed what I saw online the first time." I don't realize that I started to cry.

"Jesus, Gianna, that's not my child," he says while grabbing angrily on the bedsheets. "You can not be serious right now."

I raise my voice. "Well, it seems like you're hiding something, and you're a lot closer to this Mary girl than you're making it seem. What's with the initial nicknames? Seems like you two are close."

Bawdy tightens his grip on the sheets and his knuckles go white. Before responding, he releases his grip and takes a deep breath. "Yes, we're closer than I made it seem, but you've got it completely wrong."

"Oh, do I?" That's what they all say. If I had it so wrong then why is he continuing to beat around the truth this much? It's frustrating.

He pauses before speaking. "Mary is my half-sister, and the little girl is Jen. Also my half-sister."

Shit.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Bawdy has siblings?

I start to calm myself. "Why didn't you tell me before? I thought you were an only child."

"I don't have any full siblings, but my mom did have two kids with another guy. Her getting pregnant with Mary really sent my father over the edge. They both live with their own dad in Miami now. They don't want anything to do with being put into the spotlight, so I never talk about them." He pauses for a breath. "I especially don't need people talking and spreading more rumors or having my father know about their lives if he ever gets out of prison."

My tears of anger turn into sadness as he explains that his father wanted to kill Mary when he found out that his mom was pregnant. His mom tried to leave their relationship long before, but his father refused to let her go. With his father spending so much money on drugs, his mom found someone stable who wanted to help them out. That person being the dad of Mary and Jen.

His father was involved with some pretty shady people, so they thought it was best for Mary and Jen to move just with their dad out to Florida when he had to move for work. His mom had already been through so much, and she didn't have it in her to uproot her entire life and move.

"You could have told me this earlier," I say wondering why he didn't. If I didn't find out, would he have just kept it a secret forever?

"I know, and I should have," he says grabbing my hand. "I'm just so protective of them, and I've never told anyone about them before. I also didn't want to scare you off with all this family shit." He rubs his eyes. "Fuck, Gianna, I'm sorry. I'm so used to keeping everything about my life secretive that I barely know how to talk about personal stuff like this, because I haven't told anyone in so long. I'm all out of secrets at this point, but if I think of anything I'll tell you."

I turn to fully look into his eyes. "I want to know everything about you. You don't have to hide anything from me. And I appreciate that."

"Actually, I think I have one more."

At this point, I have no clue what he could even tell me.

"You were right that our nicknames of M and B mean something. It's always been our special thing together, and then we call Jen little J." It's a lot better and cuter of an explanation than me thinking he was hiding some girl by just using her first initial.

"That's really sweet," I say, feeling a lot of relief.

"Why do you think that I just got a G on my arm for you?" I look at him, trying to wrap my head around this new information.

"Honestly, I just thought that it fit nicely on your arm," I reply. I decide to leave out the part about how it could be so if he left me, then at least he wouldn't just be stuck with my full name.

"It's because I think of you the same way that I think about Mary and Jen. You're so special to me, and I never want to lose you. There's not many people in this world who I feel fully comfortable with outside of them, and you're one of them."

When I first saw the text, I didn't think this would be ending this way. I was worried that we'd be ending, but now I've never felt closer to him.

"I love you, Gianna, and I want you to know how much I mean that. I never want to keep any secrets from you. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to bail out on me. My life looks luxurious on the outside, but you've seen how fucking stressful things can be. I've loved you since the beginning, but I just didn't know how to tell you. The tattoo was my first step, and I know it's unconventional. But I've never been in love before. I just didn't know how to tell you."

He loves me.

All the pieces are falling together. I've hoped more than anything that he was falling for me, but there's no way to know for sure until someone tells you. My thoughts of loving him have been creeping into my head more often lately, but I also didn't know how to tell him.

There's been times when I've questioned his actions and his honesty, but I finally feel at peace. I could tell that there was always something blocking him from fully diving into a relationship, and I feel like we've overcome that finally.

I move over and rest my head on his chest. "I love you, too."