My Rockstar's World

Chapter 33

Work sucks when you're hungover. Sure, I've recovered a good amount by the time 5:00pm rolls around, but I have no energy and the thought of food is not sitting well with me.

I quickly braid my hair into pigtails before leaving. I sigh at myself when it reminds me of Bawdy and how much he liked seeing my hair in braids and how much fun I had with him pulling them.

Thankfully, I get a phone call that pulls me away from wanting him. It's my mom, again. I don't want her to ask about Bawdy or what I've been doing lately. I'd just lie, but I feel like she would be able to see right through it. I've ignored a few calls from her the last week. I really don't need to hear her say that she told me so about him.

Looking as alive as I possibly can, I drive Kennedy's car over to work. I was planning to eventually save up for my own car, but I had to dip into my savings recently since I haven't had a job. I know that I'll need one after graduation, but at least I still have time.

I can't tell if time feels like it's moving too slow or too fast recently. It's like the horrible emotions and thoughts have been going on forever, creeping into every aspect and second of my life. Yet, when things were perfect with Bawdy, time seemed to fly with him.

I wish the perception of time was switched. Why can't the bad things only seem like minuscule blips in our lives while the good things consume most of our time? I guess I just don't appreciate the good in my life enough.

And now I'm back to wallowing.

At least work serves to distract me a bit from my own thoughts. I'm completely done with my training, and I'm now on my own doing photoshoots. Since this is an actual photography place and not inside a department store, I'm usually kept busy for almost the whole time that I'm at work.

The owner of the business, Robbie, is pretty adamant about not having employees on their phones during work. It's probably for the best for me. I saw a text from Bawdy as I was walking in, but I restrained myself from reading it.

"These are looking great!" Robbie says while walking up behind me. I turn around and smile. I just finished up a photoshoot of a girl in her soccer uniform. A lot of business comes from parents wanting pictures of their kids in their sports uniforms. I'm mainly working with middle and high schoolers, which makes my life a lot easier than trying to pose babies like before.

"Thanks, I should have these all edited and uploaded before I leave tonight."

Taking and editing photos is the one thing that I'm usually able to do without getting wildly distracted. Granted this is work and there is nothing to be distracted by.

It's the annoying extra steps that my classes make me do that irritate me. I really don't give a shit about explaining a metaphor behind a photo or why using the rule of thirds is important. Doing photography in the real world typically never requires those sort of explanations. People just want their photos, and I'm happy to take them.

I wrap up my work for the night and head to the car, knowing that I need to go home and do those exact type of assignments with annoying explanations. Not everything needs to have a deep meaning in life.

For the first time since I've gotten to work, I check my phone. I have five messages and two missed calls from Bawdy. I'm literally going to rip my hair out if I need to explain the concept of giving me some space and time to think again.

As much as I just want to ignore his texts, something inside of me won't let me. I can feel myself being drawn to him even though I don't want to be right now.

His texts are all apologetic about last night, and he wants to thank me for helping him get home. While I can't even get myself to reply to my own mother, I find myself needing to reply to him. Ignoring him before clearly didn't do anything positive for either of us.

I start to text a reply to him, but he starts to call me. Is this a coincidence or was he sitting there staring at my text messages and saw the dots appear as I started typing?

I groan but decide to answer. I know I don't owe him anything, but trying to stay away from him is going to start slowly eating me alive (as if it hasn't already).

"Hello," I say cooly as I answer.

"Gianna?" Well who the fuck else would it be. "Thanks for finally picking up. I know you're probably pissed at me, but I just wanted to thank you for helping me out last night."

"It's no big deal. Call us even now."

"I'd be there to help you whenever you need me. Please know that."

For once, I really do believe him when he says that. I feel like I could call him at any time of the day and he'd drop everything and come help me.

Honestly, I'd probably do the same for him too.

"I appreciate that," I say while turning on the engine. I really need to get home and get my work done before I'm too exhausted to keep my eyes open.

"Listen, I know you said you need some time to think, but being without you has been hard on me. I'm sorry I got so fucked up last night. Actually really caring about someone is new to me."