My Rockstar's World

Chapter 51

He relaxes some of the tension that quickly appeared. "What about her?"

"It seems silly. I know it is, but she called you Will. And, well, no one really does. And she had a key to your room."

He shrugs. "I've known her for a bit and before I really started getting popular. You know how some people always make nicknames for people? She's the opposite. She doesn't do nicknames like that." He takes a sip of his drink. "And I just gave it to her at the party to use, since she had to leave early and didn't want to wait in line. I got it back when I walked her out."

He wouldn't have done all of this for me if he's seeing some other girl. Honestly, he wouldn't even have time. I feel like I know where he is and what he's doing every second of the day.

"But it would bother you if someone called you William?" I ask remembering how it sparked something inside of him when he was going off about his picture being leaked. His lips press together, and he looks up at me.

"Yes, so don't do that."

I can feel him putting up a wall in between us. I pause my questioning as the main dish is brought out. A huge steak is set down in front of me, and I nearly start drooling as the aroma hits my nose.

We both thank the waiter, and Bawdy asks me. "Do you have a favorite type of steak? I can't believe I don't even know that yet."

"No, no," I say. "You don't get to just change the conversation like that."

He groans. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"It's your legal name. I've never thought about hating my name. I was just curious." I tuck my hands into my lap. "Especially since the only time I called you that, you almost dented my head in." I hate the memory of him being angry in the studio. I understand why he was so upset about the photo, but I've never figured out why I seemed to trigger him more.

Bawdy takes a long pause before answering. "You really want to know?" I nod. "William," he says with disgust, "is my fucking father's name. Must have killed all his brain cells with all the heroin he was doing and couldn't think of something else."

I knew that his parents were divorced, but he really just never mentioned his dad more than saying that they don't speak. It's not really the sort of thing I'd like to push on unless he's ready.

"Oh, Bawdy," I say reaching for his hand. I didn't think there would be a reason like this behind it. "I'm sorry, but I just didn't know."

"It's not your fault. No one knows, and I never want anyone to know. Thankfully, he's locked away in prison now. If verbally abusing my mother wasn't enough, at least getting mixed up with the wrong people finally got him locked away. He's as good as dead to me."

"I really appreciate you telling me. You know that you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"I know," he says while breaking eye contact with me. "It's just not a really fun conversation starter."

"Life isn't always fun," I say. I know that we're talking about him, but that statement can definitely apply to my own life.

"It's a lot more fun when I'm not thinking of that shit. He's been out of my life for a while. No reason for him to torment me anymore."

I wonder if his dad knows how much this affected his only son. By the sounds of it, he doesn't seem like the type of person to think anything through. I get that drugs can cloud a person's thinking, but it's insane that people are able to live their entire lives without feeling any remorse.

"Should we pull out a therapist, or are you happy with your psychoanalysis?" Bawdy says as a bit of a joke.

I smile as he helps to clear the seriousness in the air. "That's all, but I'm happy that I know now."

The good and the bad. I want to know it all about him.

I could tell that he originally wanted to push me away when I started to question him. If this was a month ago, I don't think he would have even answered me truthfully.

We continue the rest of dinner on a much lighter note. The waiter takes away our dishes and we wait for dessert to be brought out.

"For someone so small, you really can eat a lot," Bawdy says.

"It helps when I'm having some of the best food that I've ever eaten before. Seriously I've never put something more delicious into my mouth before. The steak melted on my tongue."

Bawdy raises an eyebrow. "Are you sure about that?" He asks teasingly.

I roll my eyes. "Next time I'll be sure to bite down if you want to be treated like food."

I didn't notice the waiter walk up behind us, and my cheeks flush pink. Bawdy laughs, clearly amused by my embarrassment. I kick him under the table to shut him up.

The server leaves us with an ice cream Sunday bar. There are multiple types of ice cream and lots of toppings. "This looks so good, but I'm stuffed," I say as I stare at all of the ice cream before me. I know I'll find a way to eat some. I'm not the type of person to pass up dessert.

"How can you be stuffed? I'm not inside you," Bawdy says with a smirk as he reaches to scoop some ice cream into his bowl.

"Very funny," I say as I put a small scoop of chocolate into my bowl.

I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. My hair has been in a messy bun all night, and I'm reminded of how underdressed I am for such a nice dinner like this.

I shouldn't feel this self conscious, especially since I didn't know that we were going to this tonight. "You should have gave me some warning beforehand, so I could have worn something nicer," I say in between taking a bite of ice cream.

"Then it wouldn't have been a surprise," Bawdy replies. "It's just us here. I don't care what you wear. You look cute in anything."

I smile and look down at my bowl. I love that I don't always feel like I need to try to impress him. In the past, I would always make sure that I was put together fully before seeing a boy that I liked. I'm starting to think that guys really don't care what we wear or look like all of the time.

Bawdy stands up and walks around next to where I'm sitting. He bends down and wipes off some ice cream from my face, bringing his finger in between his lips to suck it off.

And apparently it's that easy for him to turn me on.

His light touch was sweet but had sexy undertones, and now my eyes are on his lips, wishing that they were on mine right now.

He leans down by my ear and whispers, "It's not like I was planning on letting you keep that outfit on the whole night anyways."

And that comment right there makes me lose all self-control.