Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

If I'd only played it safe (part 2)

That night you took the first two pills she gave you and within some hours you had to go to the bathroom. The relief was immediate, and you felt lighter after. Maybe Kendra was right, and this was the way to deal with it without getting caught or damaging your teeth. You knew that it wasn't right, but also couldn't think of any other alternative to get through the days. You started to worry, thinking about how many pills Kendra could have there, how was she going to manage to get more, how did she even snuck them into the clinic in the first place, was she going to give you more pills eventually? You almost didn't sleep, consumed by your thoughts, turning around and waking up various times in the night. At the next day you woke up incredibly tired but showered and got ready for the day as expected.

That morning you also managed to eat all your breakfast, but then guilt took over after and you were struggling heavily, you shut down completely at the group therapy, being trapped inside your own mind, not wanting to talk to anyone. Your anxiety was rising, and your head was going all over the place when you realized that the therapist was calling for your name.

- "Elizabeth, are you listening to me?"

- "Yes, sorry. What were you saying Dr. Drake?" You asked coming back to reality and blinking twice.

- "You were clearly not paying attention" she said harshly, and you just picked the skin around your nails - "I said that I need you to move to this other chair. We're doing an exercise" Dr. Drake said.

- "I'd rather watch you. I don't feel like participating today. But thanks" you replied politely.

The therapist insisted on you participating on the exercise they were doing, you said you didn't want to, but she said that you should either engage in the therapy or leave. You left and as soon as you were out the therapy room, you broke down crying. You went to your room and sobbed uncontrollably. A nurse tried to contain you, but you wouldn't calm, she decided to call Dr. Wilson for you. The doctor placed a chair by your bed and tried talking to you.

- "Tell me how we got to this point"

- "Dr. Drake kicked me out of group therapy because I didn't want to participate in her stupid exercise" you cried.

- "I don't think her exercise is stupid" the therapist frowned.

- "Whatever" you rolled your eyes - "I just didn't feel like it, but I was polite when I told her that I preferred watching them and not participate this time, but she didn't listen and decided to kick me out"

- "I do think that it's good for you to set limits and speak for yourself. I'll talk with her, tell her that there was no need to kick you out. You wanted to be there, just to not participate" Dr. Wilson claimed, and you wiped your tears away, more calmed now.

- "But shall we talk about why you didn't feel like it?" Dr. Wilson looked at you kindly.

You broke down again: - "I don't want to be here. I hate this. I hate the food. I hate everything!"

- "You need to be here to be safe and get better. That's not happening right now so you need to stay" Dr. Wilson said.

- "You say that I will start feeling better as I start to eat more but that doesn't happen, I ate all my breakfast and I'm not feeling any better! I'm feeling terrible" you said in distress.

- "You've been here before, and you know that it's not something that happens overnight" the doctor said softly.

It was true, you were there before but didn't remember it being so hard. It seemed like everything you had once learnt was now forgotten; you were exhausted. You just cried while the doctor watched you and gave you some water for you to drink and worked on calming you down. Soon it was time for morning snack, but you couldn't do it. You refused to eat at all and received everything through the NG tube at morning snack and lunch. That afternoon you had an individual appointment with the dietitian, and she said that she wanted to order some blood tests for you because she suspected you were not doing good with your current meal plan and she also said that she wanted to increase it. You tried to explain that you were trying but she said that you both knew you weren't really trying. You were SO frustrated and so mad at her. Again, you just cried after the appointment, feeling completely lost in life. Afternoon snack and dinner went the same as the previous meals. You checked your body thoroughly that night, you were so bloated, you felt fat all over your legs and your face. You couldn't take it anymore. You tried to exercise a bit on your bed, but then decided to take the six of the remaining pills you had that Kendra gave you and went to sleep.

At 12:30am you woke up with an excruciating stomach pain. You tried to ignore it and keep on sleeping, but it became too much to bear. You felt how your insides twisted and twirled. At almost 2am you called a staff member to open the bathroom for you.

- "What's wrong? Elizabeth? Are you okay?" The nurse asked.

- "No. My stomach hurts A LOT. Please open the bathroom" you begged with tears building in your eyes.

The nurse opened the bathroom, and you rushed to sit on the toilet. You agonized while in there but tried to keep your cries low for the nurse to not notice what was happening. You stood up and noticed that your waste was stained with blood. You panicked. That was definitely not good.

- "Are you done, honey?" The nurse asked approaching again to the open bathroom door.

- "AAAAH" you screamed again, agonizing from the pain. The nurse excused herself and walked inside the bathroom to see what was happening. She saw the scene and immediately knew what was happening.

- "I need you to tell me what you took" the nurse asked.

You couldn't talk, couldn't move. It hurt too much.

The nurse used her pager and alerted the staff of what was happening. They called an ambulance.

- "I don't want to go to hospital" was all you could manage to say before curling yourself again on the floor. The nurse explained that what was happening was very dangerous and tried to help you to stand up, but you screamed in agony again.

- "We really need to know what you took; this is very dangerous. You could have a punctured bowel; we need to know" the nurse repeated.

You looked at her terrified, but didn't say a thing. Soon, the paramedics entered your room, and they lifted you to put you on a gurney, the sole movement of any part of your body caused you to be in more pain. You cried panicked and before leaving the room you told the nurse how many pills you took, said that you didn't know what they were, but described them, telling her the shape and color of each. The paramedics took you down the hallway and the elevator and you just looked at the corner you turned to get to Kendra's and ask her for the pills. If you'd only could re-do everything you did. You sobbed while they took you out the clinic, it was the first time that you were outside from those walls in almost a month you had been in there, but this was not how you planned on seeing the outside world. They put you inside of the ambulance and proceeded to take you to the hospital.

Your mom was peacefully sleeping when her phone started ringing. At first, she was so asleep she tried to ignore it but in between dreams she realized it was the clinic and sat up immediately, picking up.

- "Hello?" A high-pitched voice.

- "Mrs. Swift? I'm sorry about having to call this early in the morning but I'm afraid Elizabeth has been experiencing a very strong stomach pain after apparently taking some laxatives, diuretics and diet pills, and her excrements had blood in it, she needed to be sent to hospital" the nurse said across the phone.

Andrea's heart skipped a beat: - "What?"

- "She was awake and responsive but in great pain, she needs to undergo multiple tests to assess the damage"

Andrea asked the information of which hospital you were being taken to, thanked the nurse and stood up immediately to get dressed. She gently walked into Taylor's bedroom.

- "Tay?"

Taylor woke up, a groggy voice: - "Mhmm?" She turned on her lamp.

- "The clinic called, they needed to take Lizzie to hospital because she took some laxatives and diet pills, she's in great pain and her excrements had blood. I'm going to the hospital"

Taylor sat up instantly: - "WHAT?"

- "Yes..." Andrea said with tears falling down her cheeks.

- "Okay. Let's go!" Taylor said as she quickly stood up and got changed.

They sprinted to the car and Taylor had to sit in the driver's seat, since Andrea silently walked towards the other side of the car, not trusting herself enough to drive right now. Taylor was sweating as she grabbed the wheel, she was so anxious and nervous, she didn't know if she could drive either.