Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

In my heart is a Christmas tree farm (Christmas)

You opened your eyes and felt that burning anxiety in your chest. It was the day before Christmas, that meant celebration, preparation for the presents and, of course, food. You got your body up, dreading what was coming, washed your face and headed downstairs. Your mom and Taylor were drinking coffee and chatting. Taylor loved Christmas but you didn't.

- "Good morning, Lizzie!" Your mom said waiting for you to hug her. You did and kissed her on the cheek.

Then you walked to Taylor's, who kissed your forehead.

- "How did you sleep?" Taylor asked.

- "Fine, thanks. And you?"

- "Great" they both answered.

They could tell something was off but decided to ignore it for now. You all went to the kitchen to get breakfast; Andrea had already made smoothies and was about to make some scrambled eggs on toasts. You started to think about the sugar and calories that the smoothie had.

- "What's in the smoothie?" You asked evidently nervous.

- "Fruits you like, don't worry" Taylor said. But you NEEDED to know the fruits in it so you could calculate and add the calories.

- "But which fruits?" You insisted.

Your mom finished putting the eggs on top of the toasts and answered: - "Mango, banana and peach"

- "No juice or milk? Just the fruits?"

Taylor glared at you: - "Stop. I know what is happening right now and you don't need to control your food. We're having the same, it's a healthy and balanced breakfast. No need to add the calories or grams of sugar"

You just looked down in embarrassment, pinching the skin of your wrists. You helped your mom pass the plates and then sat down to eat but were evidently anxious. You mom extended her arm and stroke your hand gently: - "You got this" she said with a warm smile, but you felt like if you ate at breakfast, then you were going to keep eating all day and the voices in your head were furious. It felt like the first step into failing, but it was actually the first step into keep up with recovery. You took a deep breath and but the egg on top of the toast. After a while, Taylor noticed you were eating the egg but not the toast beneath it:

- "Baby? You need to eat the toast too"

You rolled your eyes and started to eat the toast too. When you were almost done, you tried coaxing your mom into giving you another thing instead of the smoothie "Can I have a banana instead of the smoothie?"

- "No. Why? I promise it's really good! It's cold and nice" she said and then took a sip.

You couldn't explain to them what was going through your mind (if you ate the fruit, it had less calories than if you drank the smoothie). You just smiled sheepishly: - "Pleaseee? I'll have the fruit that my meal plan says, just not in liquid form... I'll be just swapping"

- "I get that liquid calories are still a challenge darling, but it's good to face our fears. Nothing bad is going to happen, I promise. You can't swap anything" your mom said, and Taylor smiled encouragingly. You took the glass with shaky hands, lifted it to your mouth and took a tiny sip

- "Very good, keep it up" your mom said.

After what felt like an eternity you managed to drink your smoothie. The rest of the day went by, and your anxiety was increasing as the hours passed, you ate everything but pinched your skin and struggled a lot. Taylor and Andrea began preparing Christmas Eve dinner at 4pm: some stuffed turkey, potato salad and spinach rice. Taylor had invited Blake and Ryan for dinner, but you were dreading the moment they crossed the door. It was too much: too many people, too much preparation for their arrival (getting ready, choosing an outfit, doing your hair, your makeup), eating, chatting and being around them, etc. You showered and dried your hair, straightened it and then did some soft curls. As an outfit you opted for a black mini skirt with black thighs, a turtleneck white-beige sweater and some nude ankle boots. You applied some light makeup and went downstairs to wait for the guests, who were showing up at 7pm. As always, they were super on time, but the kids didn't come with them and you were a bit disappointed, because you were looking forward to seeing them.