Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

I just wanna feel okay again

After two months inpatient in the clinic, you were doing so much better. The tube was out, you were eating all your meal plan orally -without additional supplements needed- just the ones that worked as drink on morning and afternoon snack. Your mood had improved a lot and on a Wednesday visit, Dr. Wilson came to speak to your family. You all greeted her, and she brought a chair to sit down and chat. Your anxiety started rising, she only came in here when something was happening.

- "So, I wanted to speak to you about a few things" Dr. Wilson said. Your jaw clenched immediately. - "It's been over two months since you've been here, Elizabeth" she said, and you nodded doubting where this was going. - "Well, although the first weeks were very tough, we feel like you've worked very hard; you managed to get the tube out and now you're using supplements only as part of your snacks. That's a really good step and we wanted to offer an afternoon snack leave to begin engaging into a 'normal' environment and eating with different people, like your family. If this goes well, we can try a leave for a lunch, then a leave for dinner, then a night at home. We want to go slow because this was a hard relapse, and we want to make sure that you're really ready to be discharged"

You nodded again.

- "How do you feel about that?"

- "Great!" You said putting on a wide smile.

- "Okay, I'm glad. I'll step outside and talk to your mom about the specifications of the meal and other stuff" Dr. Wilson said standing up and guided your mom out to her office.

Taylor turned around as soon as you were alone: - "Talk to me"

- "About what?" You crossed your legs on top of the bed.

Taylor smirked: - "We both know that 'great' (Taylor copied your voice and the fake excitement you used with the doctor) doesn't mean great at all".

- "What are you talking about? It's great!" You said.

- "Liz...you can be honest with me" Taylor said with a soft smile.

You just shifted positions uncomfortably and stood up to look for something in your closet.

- "Do you want to see what I made in art therapy?"

Taylor rolled her eyes; she knew that there was something bothering you. - "Of course, show me"

You took out a plaster mask that you've been working on. - "It's a mask, we've been doing from zero. It's supposed to be the mask of our eating disorders. We took the molds, made them, let them dry. Right now, it's white but in the next session we will paint them"

Taylor took it carefully and observed it.

You continued: - "You're supposed to break it when you are discharged, to symbolize what you've accomplished in here for your recovery; the face of the eating disorder is broken because you're better and you don't need it anymore"

- "Wow, it's fantastic. What are you planning to do? How are you going to paint it?" Taylor asked still holding the mask in her hands.

- "I don't know yet..." you said sitting down beside her on your bed.

- "Lizzie..."

- "I'm scared of the afternoon snack leave" you admitted in a low voice.

Taylor put a strand of your hair behind your ear. - "Why? What are you feeling?"

- "I know that is the first step into getting back to a normal life, but in here my food is measured for what I need. Outside... it won't be. I just didn't want to tell Dr. Wilson because she thinks I've been doing so good. I don't want to disappoint her"