Iceland's Diary: It Began In Summer

Tuesday, August 2

Dear Diary:

Today was boring. Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing.

Goodbye.

....

Okay, maybe something did happen. It wasn't interesting at all but... ehhhh.

Sweden, Finland, Den, Norway and I went on a picnic.

Yeah, it's boring. You can skip this. Nothing interesting happened. Nobody pissed their pants because of a bear and I'm definitely not an uncle now. Pshhhh, nope.

........

OKAY FINE. I'll begin with the story.

I woke up, and like always, I ate a light breakfast, fixed myself in the mirror, brushed my teeth, gagged a bit and changed my clothes. I looked down at my useless arm, sighing, while picking up a marker and I started drawing something on the cast. It wasn't anything, just a doodle, then I heard some noise downstairs. As a curious motherfucker I am, I went to see.

Finland: MOUNTAINS!

Sweden: lake

Denmark: BURGER KING!

Norway: We are NOT going to Burger King.

Me: Excuse me, but what the h-

Norway: We're going on a picnic. You coming?

Me: No-

Norway: Great, pack your things. We leave in a few minutes.

Me: But-

Norway: Now.

So I dragged myself back upstairs and started packing a backpack full of things I can possibly survive with. A phone, hand sanitizer, tissues, a rubix cube, Mr. Puffin's egg, a camera, a flashlig- HOLD THAT DAMN THOUGHT!

"Mr. Puffin's egg"

Me: ........ MR. PUFFIN!!

Mr. P: "OH, congratulations Mr. Puffin"

Me: IS THIS YOURS???

Mr. P: I didn't put it. It's my girlfriend's

Me: ....... YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND??

Mr. P: Had. She just came and left it at the door. Now it's my egg. I named it Hank. Now you're it's uncle.

Me: ...... First of all, you can't name an egg "Hank", second of all, you're not responsible enough to take care of an egg, and third... Holy crap, I'm this egg's uncle.

I ran down stairs to show the others.

Me: MR. PUFFIN HAD AN EGG! WELL, NOT HIM, BUT THIS EGG IS HIS SON OR DAUGHTER OR EGG THING AND I'M IT'S UNCLE!!

They just started at me.

Norway: Wash your hands, you don't know where that's been.

How can he be so insensitive. It's an egg. A creature of nature that came out of....

After that horrible thought I had, P-man (my annoying nickname for Mr. Puffin) handed me the hand sanitizer and I squirted it all out on my hands.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

We have an RV, you know? We never use it at all. Only for close but long trips. Today, we used it. I just hate our RV.

First of all, a cardboard box has more WiFi signal. The kitchen doesn't even work and we only have one TV that's in black in white and has only two channels.

And things just get better.

Sweden's driving, and Norway's sitting next to him in the other seat. Since Mr. Puffin stayed home to take care of "Hank", I had to stay in the "living room" with Denmark and Finland.

Things turn crazy when they're both together.

Finland: Hey, hey... Listen to this song

He unplugged his earphones and a VERY loud and annoying song started playing. I think it was that song that SpongeBob played in the movie. Just so you know, I was taking care of Sealand and he watching.

They both started head banging a whole lot.

Denmark: THIS SONG IS SO GOOD.

Finland: I KNOOOOOW

Me: Isn't this the song from SpongeBob?

They both looked at me.

Finland: NO, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE!

Oh, ok- Wait, I've heard this before...

I kept my mouth shut for the rest of the trip.

43 songs later, we arrived at some lake. The water was crystal clear and the sky was cloudless, a perfect opportunity for a selfie. I took a selfie and uploaded it on Snapchat but- OH DARN DIDDLY GEE, I HAD NO WIFI CONNECTION! I started rolling on the grass for some strange reason. I don't know why.

A few minutes later, we started eating on the grass next to a tree. Definitely not cliché. There was a lot of food, like sandwiches, sandwiches, sandwiches and- OH, sandwiches.

Everything was going great, but then a bear jumped out of nowhere and it was all like

Bear: RAAAAAAAAH

And Denmark was all like

Denmark: ......... *ten seconds later * ... A BEAR!

And Norway was all like

Norway: ahhh

In a hushed whisper tone, of course. And I was all like

Me: GYAAAAAAAAAAA

And Finland was all like

Finland: VOI PASKA- I CAN'T ENGLISH RIGHT NOW!!

And Sweden was all like

Sweden: wiiiiiiiiiiife

And then the bear jumped over me and tried to steal my sandwich.

Me: PEDO BEAR, STOP!

Bear: RAAAAAARARARARARAHHHH

Me: GHAAAAAAAAA

Everyone: oh no...

Then, I remembered this TV show that said that if you play dead, the bear will go away and leave you alone.
So I played dead. The bear's face was just inches away from mine. I was so scared, but I was supposed to be dead. Then... I felt some sort of.... relief.

The bear got off me and Denmark shooed it away with his axe.

Norway: oh my gosh, are you ok??

Me: y-yeah

Denmark: HAHA, HE WET HIMSELF

I looked down at my pants and.... yeah, I pissed myself.

On the ride home, everyone... EVEN SWEDEN, made fun of me and my problem. Well, if you had a bear three inches away from your face, you would of been scared too. Right?

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

So, that was my day. Told you. Not interesting AT ALL. Nothing happened. Just that. I need to sleep now. I'm really tired. I guess I'll write in you tomorrow.

-Iceland