Iceland's Diary: It Began In Summer

Monday, August 22

Dear Diary:

Why am I even writing in you still?  Why do you wanna know about my ugly life and lame secrets?  I mean,  I'm very capable of processing what I did in the day in my mind,  but noooo,  I just HAVE to write it down just in case the apocalypse comes and when the new world starts,  someone will find my diary and say "This is absolute bullshit".

Eh- fuck it.

Today,  I woke up in the car.  Yeah,  my day started out like crap.

Me: Why am I in the car... in my pajamas?

Finland: Sweden couldn't wait for you to wake up,  so we dragged you here!

Me:  .......

He always gets like this when it comes to furniture.

Me: So... where we going?

Sweden: Ikea.

As expected.

Norway: Don't worry brother,  we won't take long.  Look,  I even brought you a jacket and shoes.

Me: Please don't call me that,  and thanks,  I guess. 

I got dressed, a bit cramped though,  and drank some chocolate milk that was in a little cup.  I like being treated like this sometimes, but other times, I will kill you until you're dead.

It was taking WAY too long to get there.

Denmark: How about we play a road game!

Norway: No-

Finland: SURE!  How about Complete the Story?

Norway: No-

Denmark: That's great!  I'll start!  Once upon a time-

Finland:  -there was a cow.  Your turn Ice!

Me: Uh-... that had four legs?

Everyone: ......

Denmark: You have no imagination.

So I apparently have no imagination.

Twenty minutes later,  we made it to Ikea.  Sweden completely abandoned us and started speed walking to the entrance.  Totally not scary. Finland had to catch up with him.  Denmark laughed at them and Norway just punched him.  Have I told you how weird they were?

We went inside and we lost track of Sweden and Finland.  Great,  I thought,  until I turned around and noticed that  Norway wasn't with me anymore. I was stuck with Denmark.

Denmark: Us two alone,  huh?

Me: Hm,  I guess.

Denmark: So,  what do you wanna do???

Me: Go back home.

Denmark: Ahhh,  come on!  A little bro time doesn't kill anyone. 

So he grabbed my arm- THE ONE THAT'S STILL IN A CAST- and dragged me over to a big place with fridges. Fridges.  Where food goes...

There wasn't any food in there,  I checked. 

Damn.

Me: I wanna go somewhere else.

Denmark: Norge will kill me if I lost you.

Me: What do actually want with him anyways?

Denmark: ...... WANNA GO SEE THE BEDS?? 

So he dragged me to the bed area.  I know there's something going on... I should probably find out soon became I just feel really stupid right now.

I tripped for some odd reason.  I got up and I lost track of Den.  PERFECT.

A lost teenager at Ikea... in his pajamas.  Imagine that.

I wandered around for a while, enjoying my freedom and trying to figure out how the fuck people didn't get lost in there- except for me- until I spotted a little chair. I sat down because why not?  A little girl,  around 5 or 6 years old walked up to me.

Girl: Excuse me,  aren't you a little old to be here in your pajamas?

Me: Aren't you a little too young to be talking to strangers?

Girl: Go fuck yourself.

Me: OH-

I got up and walked away.  I hope she falls down the stairs.

There wasn't much to see at Ikea,  other than people not having enough money to buy things or people that have WAY enough money to buy things.

I  wasn't looking where I was going,  so I bumped into somebody.

Me: Uf- Sorry,  sir.

Finland: Ice?  What are you doing here?

Me: You forced me to come with you.

Finland: I mean here,  with us.  I thought you were with Denmark and Norway.

Me: I don't know where Norway is and I lost Denmark.

Finland: Oh,  well I-

Sweden: I like these covers for our bed-   ..... oh,  hi Iceland...

Finland:  .......

Me:  ....... "our"? 

Finland: YEAH IT'S A LONG STORY LET'S GET MOVING AND YES I LOVE IT,  TAKE AS MANY AS YOU CAN

Me: "OUR?"

Finland: LET'S GOOOOOOO

I swear,  I have never been so confused in my life.

A few minutes later,  Finland,  Sweden,  dragging a bunch of furniture in a cart and I were at the paying area.  We payed and stayed near the entrance,  waiting for butter boy and Dorkmark.

We waited all morning and all afternoon.  They finally came out at about 3.

Sweden: Why'd you take so long?

Norway: I lost the idiot-

Denmark: THAT PLACE IS HUGE- oh hey,  Ice.  I guess I didn't loose you.

Norway: YOU LOST ICELAND?

Me: I'm right here....

Finland: Everything's okay guys,  let's just go back home...

And so,  the drive back home was more awkward than going to someone's birthday part without a present.

I think I fell asleep in the car because I woke up in my bed a few minutes ago.

So many people touched me today. Ew.

-Iceland

I swear,  this book is going to kill me.