Iceland's Diary: It Began In Summer

Sunday , August 21

Dear Diary:

Holy crap, my head's about to explode. 

I literally did nothing yesterday.  That's why I didn't write anything.  Why write about something that didn't happen?

Todays was just horrible and stressful.  I fell asleep for a whole day and when I woke up,  everyone was packing their bags.

Me: What the-

Norway: Oh,  we thought you died.

Me: And you didn't do anything?

Sweden: Nobody bothered to.

Norway: That's not true....

Sweden:  I don't lie... just keep that in mind,  kid.

Me:  ......

I will get a tattoo of a duck on my neck, dye my hair red and change my name to Ice Cream to see if ANYONE CARES.

I started packing as well,  because what else was I gonna do? I had to leave Mr. Spider behind because he died. I should of poked holes in the jar lid.

We went to the airport and blah blah,  all that shit. The interesting thing happened when we got home...

We walked up to the door,  and- oh! There was no door there!   We peeked inside,  and oh- our couch was missing! And so was everything else in our living room! Can this get any better??  Yes it can!  There was a graffiti on our wall that said  "Bitch you were robbed".  WOW!

I really didn't care,  since they didn't steal anything that was mine.  Out of us five,  Sweden and Norway were the most angry and upset.   Denmark was crying over the lost couch while Finland walked around the house with a shotgun kicking random doors open.  After a while, I got tired of them panicking and just walked to my room,  in which I figured Mr. Puffin would be in. I was right. 

Mr. P:  Hi-

Me: You know we got robbed,  didn't you?

Mr. P:  ...... We did?

Me: Yes, and you didn't do anything.

Mr. P:  Gimme a break,  will ya?

Me: No.

I pushed him aside and let myself drop on my bed.  A few minutes later,  a little bark was heard under it. My brain was all like

Brain: OH NO THERE'S SOMEONE HIDING UNDER YOUR BED AND MAKING WEIRD BARKING NOISES SO YOU CAN GO CHECK AND THEN THEY'LL KILL YOU AND SELL YOUR ORGANS TO CANADIANS!

But then I checked under my bed,  and it was just Hanatamago,  who somehow got into my room and hid there. Why?

I picked her up and she whined a bit.  I guess she wanted to be with her owners,  so I took her downstairs so she could reunite with Fin and Sweden.  She started wagging her tail like nuts, hitting me in the face during the process. I let her down and she just ran to Finland and started barking. Finland made a very manly gaap and picked her up and petted her gently.

Finland: OOOOOOOH WHERE WERE YOU???  WE WERE SOOOO WORRIED!

"Oh,  I was under Iceland's bed,  don't worry about me-" DOGS DON'T TALK, FINLAND! DON'T EXPECT THEM TO ANSWER YOU! Yes, puffins talk,  but don't EVER expect a dog to answer you or they'll think you're crazy.

I sighed and sat down on the couch- that wasn't there so I broke my butt against the floor.  Then suddenly,  I heard a gasp.

Denmark:  GUYS, I FOUND A CLUE!

Norway: This isn't Blue's Clues...

Denmark: Seriously, Norge!  It's a footprint!!  Maybe we can find out who stole our things!  Like-  DETECTIVES! 

Sweden: That won't work-

Denmark grabbed a magnifying glass from who knows where and started inspecting the "clue".

Finland: So? 

Denmark:  It looks like....this footprint was made by.... A SHOE!

Norway:  ..... forget about it, we'll get new things later.

Me: Just like that?  What about the police?  Won't they come?

They all laughed.  Finland walked up to me and ruffled my hair.

Finland: Oh,  silly you!  You must of watched too much of the TV.  The police doesn't give a shit about us!

Me: Well,  that's just great.

Finland: Isn't it??

We need help...

So,  I guess tomorrow we're gonna go buy new furniture.  Oh boy,  what excitement.  Seriously,  I'm dying.

-Iceland