Mixed Girl Problems

N E V E R E N D I N G

1Week Later

I laid in DeAndre's bed hoping that what had happened was just a bad dream. Hoping that I can put my loss in the back of my mind and get myself through another day. It's hard though, all of my friends think that I'm keeping myself so well put together but if only they knew. If only they knew about the tears that run down my face every night, if only they knew about the feeling I get in the pit of my stomach every time I see someone with their child. Everyone around me that doesn't know about the miscarriage keeps asking me how far along I am and if I've found out the gender yet. Every time they ask I just wanna break down in tears but I always end up saying " I don't know. "

Lately I've been trying to get dressed up and go out like I used to but lately it doesn't feel the same... Nothing feels the same. I don't smile like I used to, every time I laugh it's fake. I just keep thinking about how everything I thought mattered, doesn't anymore. I'm hurting.

Me and DeAndre sat silently next to each other as he played his video games. He's truly been the only person getting me through this, some how some way. His phone began to ring and he got up and walked out of the room quickly answering it. 10 minutes had past and I got up to look for him and found him flirting with some girl on his phone.

"Are you fucking serious?!" I yelled angrily.

"What?" He replied.

"Are you seriously fucking flirting with some ho right now?!"

"Nah it's just a friend"

"Of Course it is."

I angrily walked into the kitchen trying to calm myself down. He followed behind me hanging up his phone.

"I can't believe this" I cried as pushing my hair from out of my face. I felt like I was going crazy.

"Babe I'm so-"

I smacked him in the face then grabbed him by his hair dragging him to the ground. He climbed on top of me and held my hands down.

"Stop!" He yelled as I struggled to cut loose of his grip.

"We just lost our fucking child and you don't even care!" I yelled as tears ran down my face.

"I don't care?! That was the worst fucking thing to ever happen to me yo!" He yelled back. He let go of me and stood up walking away.

I stood up wiping away my tears trying to make sense of the situation.

I laid in his bed that night crying my eyes out. I couldn't help but feel so alone and I just wanted my baby back. That's all. I wanted to wake up and be able to rub my belly knowing that I'm carrying a blessing.

DeAndre walked in and rubbed my shoulder. I silently stared at the wall lost in my thoughts.

"I'm sorry Niyah. I love you so much." He said before kissing my cheek. He laid down next to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I just needed someone to talk to, I'm sorry if it sounded like anything more."

"What about me?" I mumbled.

"I know you're hurting , everytime someone brings it up tears fill your eyes" he replied.

"I get it but.... Don't you think we should be grieving together, not with other people?"

Silence filled the room... I soon fell into a deep sleep, which was my only escape.

The next day I took a nice long shower and got dressed up really cute. I did my makeup and hair and finally looked like my old self again even though I didn't feel like myself at all.

I walked into DeAndre's room and found him playing his video game. He hasn't showered in days and looks like a complete bum. I get it though, everyone grieves differently.

I told him about this little party I was going to wishing he could come. He just told me to have fun and not to worry about it.

After a couple hours of having a surprisingly good time with my friends I got a text from DeAndre's ex girlfriend that read "get your boyfriend" she then sent me a bunch of screenshots of him trying to get her back.

Rage boiled inside of me. I clenched my jaw seeing nothing but red. I threw my phone startling Rose and Layla. Layla put her drink down and walked up to me as tears fell down my face.

"Niyah?" She asked cautiously.

"I can't believe he would fucking do this to me!" I cried.

Rose picked up my phone and stared at his ex's text.

"This nut ass bitch!" Rose yelled as handing the phone to Layla.

"She gotta be lying" Layla replied.

"She's not. I knew he wanted her back." I cried.

They looked at each other trying to figure out what to say.

"Take me to his house." I said angrily.

"Niyah no yo-" Layla began.

"Let her." Rose interrupted.

"Then let's go."