Mixed Girl Problems

A C H I N G

"How ya life been?" DeAndre asked as we walked next to each other down the park.

"It's getting better." I replied. He smiled and right  then something that had happened between us came to mind as if it were a movie.

"You are stressing me the fuck out!" I cried.

"I don't care." DeAndre replied as shrugging.

"Stop that shit boy! Everything that you do to her happens to that child. Even if you don't care stressing her out is stressing your child out." His Mom yelled.

"If you don't love me anymore just let me know! Stop wasting my time and just leave me alone! I swear he wants to make me miserable Mommy. He wants to see me hurt and upset, earlier he was on the phone with some hoe and put her on speaker to purposely mess with me when all I was doing was smiling and chilling." I cried.

"Why you doing this to her? She's been nothing but good to you." She said to him.

"I don't care about what neither one of yall is saying." He replied.

"He's just scared Niyah."

"I'm scared too! You don't see me treating him like he's the ground I walk on!"

Tears rolled down my face and I couldn't help it. I didn't want him to see me weak and upset because of him, I knew that's what he wanted.

I instantly snapped back into reality trying to stop the incident that had happened days before my miscarriage from playing in my head. 

"I-I I don't know what I'm doing." I said nervously.

"Huh?" He replied.

"Why'd you treat me like that?" 

"Treat you like what?" he asked confused.

"When I was pregnant- you treated me like shit, I mean there were moments where we really were happy but.... You stressed me out so much, made me cry so much and I don't know. I guess I never forgave you for it." I replied.

"Shit, I never forgave myself for that shit. I had court a few weeks from then and I knew i was gonna get booked. I guess I wanted you to hate me so it would hurt less when I did go."

I chuckled as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Hurt less?" I replied as wiping the tear from my face.

"Can we not talk ab-"

"No! I need a reason why you did me dirty like that while I was pregnant with your child. I deserve a reason."

"I don't gotta deal with this shit yo." He said as shaking his head and walking away.

You know that feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach when you see the one you love walking away like you're nothing? And all you want is for them to stay and hold you. You know you don't want to leave them so why would they leave you?

"I guess we have too much history to create a future." I cried to Layla.

"Girl that shit makes no sense." She replied. I chuckled as wiping my tears.

"I guess."

"You need to stunt on his ass, he aint shit never has been and as you can see he never will be... Babe chill! I'm  on the phone with Niyah! Girl I gotta go. Text me!" She then hung up and I quickly wiped my tears as sitting on my step.

I wanted so badly not to go in the house but I know I didn't have a choice. DeAndre then walked up to me with his hands in his pockets.

"Niyah." He said.

"Just leave me alone." I replied as standing up and grabbing my purse.

"I blamed myself for your miscarriage. I put you through so much shit, lied to you, had girls calling your phone cursing you out. You aint deserve none of that shit forreal. Thats hands down my biggest mistake ever. Childish shit, lil boy shit that's what that was. I did want to be a dad but at the same time I was scared as shit.

"And you didn't think I was?! I had teachers at my school telling me to get an abortion like it wasn't a big deal. Then after the fact people still treated me like losing my baby wasn't a big deal! It is a big fucking deal! I've been through a lot of shit in my life and that was the worse thing to ever happen to me! To bleed and take a shower watching parts of what could've been go down the fucking drain! Having severe pains in my stomach for weeks reminding me that I'm in the process of losing my fucking baby! Watching people play with their kids and be happy and me sitting there wishing that was me. I know I wasn't ready to have a baby... But I could've prepared myself somehow. And even when I thought I was pregnant I should've stopped smoking and drinking but I didn't! Till this day I still blame myself for what happened. And every night I have to go to sleep knowing that there's nothing I can do to change it. So fuck you, I don't have any sympathy for you DeAndre. You didn't have any for me when you put me through that shit."

I then walked up the steps and slammed the door behind me with tears gushing from my eyes. He's hurt over the situation? He didn't physically carry that child and lose it all at once.