Mixed Girl Problems

M O N S T E R S I N M Y C L O S E T

So we got back together, loved each other, went through us loosing our home together and sleeping on a twinsize bed at my moms, we made love, we cried, we shared, and somewhere I don't know where we lost touch. It was probably when I got pregnant for the 3rd time.

The first couple of months DeAndre was loving, and paid me a lot of attention. He rubbed me swollen feet after a long day of work, ate my pussy after arguments. He was there for me constantly checking on me and the baby and I won't lie, it felt amazing. As scared as I was of loosing this child, I knew in my heart that I wasn't going to. I had this everlasting peace, and severe morning sickness, I was grateful for every sign that I was having a healthy pregnancy. 

Time went on and our child still blossomed. I think the shift came this day, the day we found out that we were have a girl.

DeAndre was in a rage, completely and utterly angry. I was happy to find out that we were having a girl, so happy but he ruined the entire day.

"I would like.... A blue waterice." I said to the store clerk with a smile on my face.

"Do you still talk to Layla?" Another store clerk asked as walking up to the both of us. She was short with long brown hair and pale white skin... She looked just like... Layla.

"Nah not anymore." DeAndre replied.

"She didn't mean any harm by anything that happened." She said as drawing her eyes towards me.

"Well obviously she did, she knew about me and still pursued him." I replied as calmly as possible.

We walked out and DeAndre was even more angry than before which quickly sparked a argument. I didn't understand why he was so upset, I just spoke the truth. His mom began to drive as me and DeAndre argued in a fit of rage cursing each other out. DeAndre then suddenly smashed his waterice in the side of my head. I began to scream and cry my eyes out. My head vibrated with pain the cold water ice pierced my ears.

I left for a couple a days, but yet and still came back to him. Time and time again, every time he choked me threw and broke my things dragged me grabbed my arms push and pull me I still went back. I was no longer myself, I was weak and lost. I didn't know how to escape I just knew that I had to. I came to the conclusion that we weren't meant to be together, this isn't love. Too many times has he hurt me while I was pregnant at that. Then his dad died, and then his grandmom. I was there for him through every step of the way, wiped every single tear listened to every sad story. But the sadness quickly turned into anger and all the pain he felt, every thing that was going wrong in his life was my fault all over again. It didn't matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried to make him happy to keep him happy he found a reason to be angry and hurt me over and over again. I just wanted to get back to that place, please lord let us get back to that place. I feared for mines and my child's life so I became silent, invisible, I was constantly walking on egg shells. No one understood, they became tired of hearing the same story over and over again they didn't know about what was going on behind closed doors, what was happening to me. They thought I was stupid and weak for coming back and I was but more than anything I was scared. Afraid. Brain washed. I thought I couldn't live without him, I didn't have anything anymore. He took it away. I couldn't paint, I couldn't write I didn't smile as much as I used to I was afraid to laugh, voice my opinion and speak up. He sucked all the color from skin, took the rainbows out my skies, the shine out my eyes, the joy from my laugh. I used to be an artist so outspoken so silly and goofy happy and inspirational telling women how to love themselves. And look at me now. An image of nothing but weak unwanted trash. Thats how I felt. I no longer felt beautiful because he didnt tell me that I was. He called me fat and lazy because I stopped working at 8 months pregnant to settle down and enjoy the last couple months of my pregnancy.

And some how through all of this I still somehow loved him and tried to make it work. I didn't want our daughter to grow up without a father and turn out like me. But look at the person he is, the poor excuse of a man he is. It would be more harmful to her to see her mommy getting beat up by daddy and yelled and spat at and she'll think its ok. So slowly and surely I grew stronger and stronger all while growing weaker. Knowing I had to make a way for me and my child to leave this monster.

Then came the day to be induced and meet my baby girl.