Mixed Girl Problems

S H O C K E R

DeAndre was happy about the pregnancy, he smiled when I told him. I was also happy but beyond scared. I had to cut off everything again, I had to be careful and actually take care of my body. When you're in such a dark and unhealthy place it's hard to do that.

I quit smoking, I quit everything and tried to focus on my child. DeAndre helped me out so much, he made sure I wasn't stressing out. He was just a peaceful calming, and safe presence. But time went by 2 months to be exact and things changed.

I sat downstairs in DeAndre's mom's friend's apartment. Me and DeAndre's mom sat alone as I drunk hot cocoa and she drunk coffee as smoking cigarettes.

"I knew you were pregnant before you knew you were pregnant." She said as smiling.

"Really?" I replied, shocked.

"Yes, you could see it your face. You had this glow. Your nails were growing and you only get car sick when you're pregnant."

I chuckled. "That is true."

"Me and you are a lot alike. I know what it's like to take care of your family. I took care of mines my whole life. I didn't learn how to stop until only a few years ago. But I had to stop because I wasn't taking care of myself. You can't let anything hold you back, people will try and try to break you but you cant allow them. You have so much potential. You need to fly Niyah you need to fly."

She then broke down crying and so did I. She was right. This strong strong woman that has been through hell and back was giving me advice, so I listened and absorbed.

I laid in the dark that night in mine's and DeAndre's bed; alone once again. He hadn't been home all day and I get it if he needs alone time but I hate sleeping alone. Since I've been pregnant I've been hallucinating like crazy and seeing things that aren't there. I'm paranoid.

"Where are you coming from?" I asked as DeAndre came through the door at 12AM.

"Allen's" He replied.

"Who's Allen?"

"Why you asking so many questions?!" He snapped.

"If I came in at 12 at night you wouldn't ask where I was?"

He shook his head. "That's your business."

Ouch. That hurt. But I don't wanna argue, I just want someone to love.

I got up to hug him and as laying my head on his chest I smelled perfume and quickly pulled away.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

A tear fell down my cheek and I quickly walked away. I feel unattractive, my body is changing and so are my emotions every second. I felt out of control.

"Get away from me" I cried as lying in bed.

"What's wrong?" He asked as taking of his shirt.

I shook my head, I couldn't say my suspicions out loud, It would hurt too much to say again.

He began to kiss my neck as I laid back onto the bed. I deeply kissed his lips, falling into the spell that his kisses put on me.

"Who's perfume is on you?" I asked as pushing him away. He shook his head with a shocked expression on his face.

"It's mines." He replied as lying down and pulling the covers over him. I sat up and hovered his broad shoulders.

"Lies."

"Stop fucking questioning me I said it was mines leave it at that."

"Since when do you buy perfume? Cause it sure as hell aint for me."

"Goodnight!"

This is how it starts, my suspicions. Him, starting his shit and it's a never ending cycle.

There's some type of rush that I can't explain, the one that you get when you're starting a relationship again. Maybe the feelings that others get is different from mines, but I know what it feels like. Happiness. Even if it's just a split second that happiness is important to me. So I ask myself? What happened, how did we fall back into the old feelings that were supposed to be left in the past.

I guess in a way I've been overflowing with emotions and questions. Hormones I tell ya.

I laid across from DeAndre trying to find a way to ask him some questions without causing an argument.

" Babe?" I said nervously.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"Why have you barely been home? I've missed you."

He chuckled. "Okay... I ain't trying to be in the crib all day."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay."

"What you mean okay?"

"I just said okay."

"What you don't believe me?"

"I never said that."

"Yeah, whatever."

"So who's Ellie?"

"A friend."

"Right."

He sat up and I felt my anger boiling inside of me. I wanted to fucking snap, I couldn't help it but I did.

He walked out of the room grabbing his shoes and forgetting his phone. I quickly looked through it, because if I can't get answers from him then I'll get them myself.

I found a message from him to Allen. He was telling him hows he in love with Ellie and Allen replied with "tell her bro".