Mixed Girl Problems

U N R E L I A B LE

There's been a lot of ups and downs in my life, but I somehow continue to find the strength to move on and attempt to focus on the good. I mean when things are bad, I want to remain positive but sometimes it's hard; like really hard. And when things are good, I tend to think of how this happiness is going to end in a crazy fucked up way that's going to scar me for life. So yeah, I kinda self sabotage a lot when it comes to my emotions.

"I don't know, I'm trying this new thing called having more self respect and being more optimistic not promiscuous." I said to Rose as we walked to the corner store.

"I don't know why you're even considering getting back with DeAndre." Persuasion said bluntly.

"I mean if it's meant to be, it will be. I think you guys should give it a shot." Layla said as eating water ice.

Here's an update on my beautiful best friends:

Rose: Is pregnant with a baby boy and her belly is getting so big! She's happy but depressed at the same time, it's hard to get through a pregnancy without the father. Yes, she told her boyfriend who thought he was the dad that the baby wasn't his and he left. Along with the actual father who claims the baby isn't his and that Rose is just a ho. But Rose is continuing to finish school and keep a smile on her face.

Persuasion: She's still miserable due to her strict lifestyle which she takes out on everyone with her horrible attitude. But she's still in school and trying to be happy and explore her horizons even though they are small at the moment.

Layla: She's HAPPY! With a new man who treats her right and loves her deeply. They live in a cute little apartment and she's continuing school along with being pregnant. All she does is glow, and I'm so happy for her.

"I don't know, I guess... I don't know! Maybe it's too soon. Like way too soon, what if he really didn't forgive me and this is just like his little revenge plot on me." I said paranoid.

"Oh like Blac Chyna did to Tyga?" Rose said as laughing. They all began to crack up.

"Or how Rob did to Chyna?" Layla added.

"Hey that is not funny, if I was fucking a lil dick insecure nigga like Rob I'd have a side piece too. That ain't no excuse to expose her." Rose replied

"That's true but you never know!" I said as shaking my head. "People are grimy."

"Oh my gosh, he's not plotting on you girl, just chill with him once and see how it goes." Layla replied.

"I still think it's a bad idea." Persuasion added.

"Girl if you don't shut up with your negative ass." Rose snapped. Persuasion stood shocked at Rose's comment along with the rest of us.

"Sorry, hormones." Rose said as hugging Persuasion. 

"Well, I've made my decision, I'm gonna continue talking to DeAndre." I said happily.

"Yoppp bitchhhh." Layla said as smiling. Persuasion just folded her arms angrily, I rolled my eyes.

"Well don't call me when it blows up in your face." Persuasion replied.

"I won't call you at all Persuasion." I replied aggravated. 

Sometimes.... Sometimes I spiral, and it's always in my control. But I don't want to spiral anymore, I want to become more calm and patient. Just like I used to be until the grief started. I used to be so mellow and understanding and not judgmental. Now I judge and yell and get angry more than I breathe.

Sometime's I get so agitated and insecure within myself and I take it out on everyone else. I isolate myself and want nothing to do with my friends or family. All of my fears and self doubt keep me stuck in my room a lot and I want it to end. I NEED to step out of my comfort zone, and that's exactly what I'm going to do with DeAndre.

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