Mixed Girl Problems

M A N I P U L A T I O N

Mentally I left before I physically did. My body was in his bed lying next to him but my head was somewhere in the clouds. My lips were on his skin but my heart was in my palms. The love I had for him was slowly but surely fleeing my grasp and I couldn't hold tight enough even if I wanted to. My momma raised me better than this BULLSHIT!

The next couple of weeks were a blur. I was falling more and more in love with my daughter each and every day while falling out or love with DeAndre. To physically hold her in my arms, kiss her cheeks and witness her smiles was the most unimaginable feeling. She's really here.

All the while I couldn't eat, I couldn't paint, or write or smile. My daughter was the only thing making me happy and she was more than enough. Me and DeAndre were just so out of touch. I wanted to fix things so badly tell him what my heart is asking for but he'd just turn it around on me. I just wanted to run away with my daughter for good and each and every day it was becoming harder not to. He was always so cold to me constantly hurting my feelings blaming me for the dumb ass issues he had at his job his friends came over every day and he left with them every night leaving me to take care if OUR daughter alone time and time again. I begged him for help, he yelled at me. Wanted to take her to the doctors he complained that I was so selfish and asked what about him? What about him? Our daughter was the one sick, but he didn't care. I was constantly doing everything on my own, I have never felt more overwhelmed and alone in my entire life.

Yet I was so blessed to have so much support from the other mommys in my life. My mom, my friends, my aunties and even strangers would give me tips; it really does take a village. Even though I felt alone in my own home, luckily I had support from the outside world and DeAndre hated it.

As the arguments between me and DeAndre grew I was no longer biting my tongue I was letting all of my bottled up rage out. I was tired of being abused and mistreated I was beginning to hate and resent him with all my heart and I hated it!

"Oh my god!" His mom broke down in tears. "I finally got accepted!"

"For what?" DeAndre asked happily.

"Section 8!" She replied crying tears of joy. Me and DeAndre shared a smile as I held our daughter in my arms.

I was so happy for her, she apparently had waited 17 years for this letter. This seemed like a new beginning for all of us, a new home, a new place to start over, and more importantly less bills to pay maybe we'll finally be financially stable for once in our lives. I was happy for her, I was happy for all of us.

"So I had the meeting today with my case worker from Section 8" DeAndre's mom said as I held my daughter closing feeding her.

"How'd it go?" I replied.

"Apparently the only way you and Yuna would be able to move with us is if you give DeAndre full custody of Yuna."

"What? Why? That doesn't make any sense."

She mapped it all out gave me an entire story and legal reasons why it would have to be that way. And for some odd reason for just a moment, listened.