Mixed Girl Problems

M E M O R I E S

I'm a very forgiving person, I hate that about me sometimes. I know that people can make some changes for the better and do better but sometimes people get... Stuck.... Because truly, people never change. Their true, inner core will always remain the same.

4 Months Later

Hmmmm where to start? Well life has been hectic. DeAndre and I have been doing pretty good, I guess. Most of our relationship consist of having sex again, and again, and again. I know I'm not happy, I'm unsure if I even want to be with him anymore. I mean, I love him as a person but I'm not really in love with him. We've gotten into these huge arguments and I just... I don't know how to deal with them. We argue literally every single day and at this point, I'm not tired, I'm exhausted. It's taking so much energy out of me to keep trying so... Why keep trying?

"I don't fucking care about this bullshit yo! I'm not trying to stress over this stupid shit!" I cried.

"Yo what the fuck ever this is really all your fault!" He yelled.

"How?! How?!" I broke down in tears from after it being so built up. "I fucking hate you yo! Just leave me alone!"

"Fuck you!"

I went onto the balcony and broke down crying. I couldn't figure out what was happening to us, I thought we were doing good for a short period of time... Or maybe, it was the honey moon phase. You know how couples usually be all lovey dovey and madly in love and usually are only that way for about a month after they're together. Well DeAndre's and I's entire relationship has been an emotional roller coaster, so I guess we skipped over it until a couple of weeks ago. Let me tell you about that time.

I sat in front of my therapist trying to find a way to express how much anxiety I've been having. But even the thought of letting it come out into the open made me anxious.

"I've been trying to keep it at bay, and just relax but it's easier said than done." I said as playing with my necklace. "I don't know maybe it's all in my head."

"I see what you're saying, do you think it has anything to do with not taking your medication." She replied as raising an eyebrow.

"Yes... But I haven't been taking it because of the side effects, I can barely get up in the morning. Them pills make me feel like a zombie and I don't like it."

"I'm going to talk to Dr. Wong, I think I know something better for you that will help with your anxiety and decrease your exhaustion."

"Sounds good."

That day I got a prescription for xanax filled, I wasn't expecting that to be what she was talking about but hey, I am 18 and I guess she trust me.

I plopped down onto DeAndre's bed as staring at my pill bottle of Xanax. I had never taken them before and I got a long list of times to take them and what not to do with them. But you know me, I never listen.

"What's that, babe?" DeAndre asked as walking in the room.

"Xanax." I replied with a nervous expression growing on my face.

"Damn, forreal? They trust you that much?"

"I know right! Or maybe I'm just that crazy."

"Probably."

I chuckled as rolling my eyes.

"Let's try them." I said softly.

"Seriously?" He replied not expecting that from me, shit I surprised myself.

"Seriously."

I put 4 pills in the palm of his hand, then 4 in mine. He handed me his glass of water after taking his and I smiled after we took them.

"Now we wait."

An hour later me and DeAndre laid on our bed staring at the ceiling fan; fascinated.

"I- I don't really like this feeling." I said as laughing.

"I do." DeAndre replied as smiling.

I sat up wiping the sweat from my forehead.

"I'm so thirsty." DeAndre mumbled.

"Let's get some water, Wait where is everyone at?" I asked as looking around.

"What you mean? My mom been left."

I smiled, we have the house all to our selves. And for the first time in a long time, I didn't calculate everything in my head. I didn't wonder what time she would be back and what she would say when she got back or if she realized that we were high off of Xanax. I just took the information and shrugged. This feeling... It was just different, in a good way. It was the feeling of true happiness where I worried in a settle way and my mind didn't jump to conclusions and possibilities that were more than likely not to happen. I was finally thinking logically, but physically I was uncoordinated.

We walked down the hallway feeling like I was walking on air. DeAndre then pulled me close from behind and kissed my neck. I turned around softly kissing his lips. He grabbed my waist as massaging my breast and kissing my neck. I moaned in pleasure as biting my lip. I then rested my arms on his shoulders as deepening the kisses. I pushed him away and pushed my hair from out of my face.

I then walked into the bathroom and he followed behind like a lost puppy.

"I have to take a shower babe" I said with a sad face.

"We'll take one together." He replied as closing the door behind himself. I smiled in disbelief.

I turned on the shower and took off my clothes as he watched. I then pulled down his pants, then boxers and his hard dick stuck up in my face. I giggled before standing back up and stepping into the shower.

Well you know how that went. The rest of the week we made love non-stop, it was kind of a blur, almost like a memory. We didn't argue, we just smiled, laughed and showed love to each other like never before. We weren't afraid to show each other appreciation and compliment each other.

A couple weeks have gone by and my pill bottle is empty, so are our emotions.