All of my 5sos work

Drifting

Some say that a good thing can't last forever, no matter how hard you try to keep it going. Yet I always tried to deny this statement, how if it's something that has a positive influence on your life then you should try and keep it going, keep the happiness flowing; but of late this idea is something I've paid closer attention to. 

The good things can't always last, growing up living at home is a good thing but it comes to that point where you move out, there's a time when you'll experience heart ache but you learn and grow from it - these are just a part of life. Except the issue is we can cling onto the good a bit too much, I know I am now, we both are trying and continue to deny yet it seems pointless. 

We both led very different lives, always had done but somehow we managed to make it work for so long except this tour seems to have put us both on the edge. He had a few days off of tour before going to America and the pressure he was under was not availed in our few days together, the way he held my hand a little less or how we had our backs turned as we slept, the small things that mattered seemed to fade and only became more apparent with each time we saw each other. 

I'd seen photos of him smiling brighter than I had seen in months, the pure enthusiasm was evident in those eyes that lacked a lock on mine. It felt like a one way system now a days, something I tried to grasp onto with little success. 

Today was the day I was meeting him at the airport, he had two weeks to rejuvenate and do some press yet I couldn't feel more nervous about it all. Two weeks is a long time,  a long enough time for things to be decided between the two of us, two weeks to either waste or treasure depending on the outlook of things. Hitting my hands lightly against the steering wheel in attempt to remove the trembles of my fingers as I park the car and sit in silence for a few minutes, just about long enough to breathe and try and convince myself it'll be for the best. 

Walking outside and into the chilled air the short walk dragged on as with each step a new thought came to mind about how I'll tell him, how I'll admit how I feel now or if I'll keep silent about the whole thing like I keep doing. The wait was tiring, 4:27am, his flight came in around twelve minutes ago and thankfully none of the fans know about this, that they've left the US for a press event meaning I was surrounded by strangers, whom knew nothing of my existence. 

That was when some came out, some ran to their loved ones with such force and joy that their energy radiated off of them. The smiles they wore for each other of pure love and admiration was too much for me to take, I hadn't seen that in a long time, that love that we were supposed to share together. A tap on my shoulder distracts me as I see the couple leave hand in hand, turning I'm greeted by a small smile and a gentle kiss on the forehead and with that, we walk on out. We make small talk on route to the car, I take his hand luggage and we keep our distance from each other, no hand holding, no loving comments, no new information on how the tour's been that has been plastered across social media- only how tired he was. 

Getting into the car and shutting the outside world the silence resumes a familiar place for us, starting the engine he fiddles with the dials for some music- something he does to drown me out, drown out my attempts to make conversation. Driving along I could see him leaning further away from me, opting for the cool window that was now clear of condensation due to the gentle heating that wafted towards him. Only as we stopped at the lights I glanced his way, seeing how he was fast asleep and looked ever so peaceful. His eyes tightly shut and his mouth slightly open and drooping, eyebrows furrowed and his beanie held securely over his hair- part of me missed this version of him, when he would be peaceful and hold me in his arms as I'd trace the tattoos and want nothing else. 

But the light had to turn green. 

Driving on we neared the place that I call my home, but for him it seems to be nothing more than a temporary spot where he can sleep- no true meaning to it anymore. Arriving and parking I nudged him gently, hoping to arouse the sleeping beauty which worked, shattering the fairy tale illusion and brought us back to the reality that is us. He rubbed his face and looked straight ahead, seeing our home and went stiff, I could see the tension building in his frame as I got out and headed inside, unlocking the door and felt the hesitation in his steps.