All of my 5sos work

If Only: III

"Go after her you idiot!" A voice in my head yelled with a mixture of laughter following. Typical, my friends managed to get into my head, something we can do from time to time but this is the worst way they could interfere. 

Sighing I walked out of the shop, leaving that awful drink behind and looked around desperately seeing if I could find her in these crowds. With little luck I mentally called upon my friends to help, yet I received no help, it was all down to me now.

Pacing down the street I came from I tried to pick out things I'd recognise from her day to day life, I noticed the flower shop displayed with bright orange flowers outside- a small sign I was going in the right direction. Following the path I ignored every push and shove from those who have no care on a day like today, yet I feel as if I need to apologise to each and every one of them. Shaking the thought from my mind I pause at a chipped wooden door, it had been painted a light shade of blue but due to usage there was hints of the original wood exposed. I knew this door, I knew exactly where it led. It was just a matter of how.

Usually all I would do is pop inside, wander around or watch her try and prove to herself that she is alright. All the while I'd tell her things I'd love about her, the small details that mattered. Yet I was just a ghost, the angel that watches and cannot intervene. It doesn't matter how loud I yell to her or how many times I compliment her when she wakes up, motivate her to get through the day, she can't hear the care from someone else. The only thing she can hear is the negativity drowning everything out.

Trying to rack my brain for thoughts I was interrupted, "Ashton, be yourself. Just be kind and persistent, as long as you don't do creepy. Creepy is waiting outside her apartment building. What isn't creepy is becoming her friend." Luke spoke with care in his tone, knowing a lot more about being a guardian than I do.

Nodding along to his words I backed away from her door and walked down the street back to the shop filled with strong smells. "What drink do you recommend?" I asked as I stared in confusion at the endless list of drinks with complicated names. The lady told me to wait whilst she made something then passed it to me along with a cake.

Taking the sweet smelling cake and brown liquid I sat back where she once was. Usually I'd sit with her in the morning, she'd just be reading her book over before going home and doing work. Except now I'm on my own, the first time I am really here to be with her she doesn't want to be with me.

"Hi." A light mutter sounded next to me and as I lifted my head up I blinked slowly. She changed her top, tied her hair up in a bun similar to the one she'd wear when she didn't care for the world and a light smile. "I'm sorry for earlier, I was out of order." She drew out a sigh and glanced to the seat opposite me.

Raising her eyebrow her smile remained small, dumbfounded by her acknowledging me I just stuttered. "I erm, do you want to, I want to sit?" Already their laughs sounded in my head and my cheeks began to burn lightly. Exhaling I closed my eyes and tried again. "Would you like to sit with me?" Glancing up to her I saw her smile grow, causing mine to spread.

Placing her drink in front of mine she sat down and then tightened her loose bun. She rested her head in her hand and focused on me, something I've never experienced. Her eyes scanned mine, the intense burst of colour that lit up her face, hiding the pain she always felt.

If I didn't know her I'd say she looked calm, that perhaps she was happy. But I do know her, I know her pain, the amount she cries at night. Yet to her, I'm just a stranger.

Releasing her head from her hands and focused back on me, taking slow sips of her new sweet drink whilst I drank mine, bitter. "So, I acted out earlier. Thought I could at least owe you a chance to talk."

"It was my fault, I thought I'd try a new drink." Chuckling quietly I shook my head. "Big mistake." A light laugh came from her, something I rarely hear and it made my heart warm. "You have a lovely laugh." The words slipped out and she paused, holding her drink to her mouth but I could see the corners of her lips rise.

For a while we talked about everyday life, she told me about her job and how she works from home. All the while I listened, already knowing all of this but she seemed passionate when she talked about the things she actually loves doing. When I was asked about myself I explained how growing up I was always taught to care for others, that it was in my nature. As I spoke she seemed so fascinated, there was no fake smiles, there was just pure interest. Like always, she cares about people, never a malicious intention behind a conversation.

Glancing to her phone she sighed, "I'm really sorry, I've got to get back to my work. But here." She scribbled on a napkin her name along with a number. "Give me a call sometime, we could get dinner if you're up for it?" I'd never seen her so apprehensive, her heart pounding like mine.

Nodding I couldn't find my words, the look in her eyes fading quickly at my lack of response. "I, I'd like that. I'm Ashton." After saying mg my name something changed in her, she shivered then glanced over her shoulder as if she saw someone.

"Well," Muttering she began to back away. "see you soon." Giving me a small awkward wave she chuckled lightly as she left.

I sat there looking at her number with a smile on my face. Just as I blink my surroundings change, the chatter of the people becomes a hushed silence. Instead of the smells of fresh pastries and sweet drinks it smelt of cleanliness, the odour of my upbringing and rules.

"Well, Ashton." A table of them sat before me baring their wings along with small smiles on their faces rather than frowns. "All in a days work."