All of my 5sos work

How Times Have Changed: III

Waiting. Dialling. No response. 

My phone was constantly within my range as I waited for him to respond, for him to even notify me that he had listened to the dozens of messages or apologetic texts I've sent. But no, response remains a word outside of his vocabulary. With each phone call I broke down more, at first I tried to remain calm as I spoke but tears began to fall from my eyes as my voice started to crack, my words got hitched in my throat and it left me unable to say all the words I had written out for him to hear. Instead he got mumbles of apologies over and over again, no wonder he won't answer. 

I tried calling the others, trying to explain myself which took a bit of work considering initially they were as disappointed as Calum was, even more in fact as I played over the various profanities that Ashton yelled at me this morning. Luckily I managed to get Luke to meet with me, he said he was willing to hear me out, try and ease the topic onto Calum whilst they were back, and eventually before I left once again. 

As I prepared to go and meet Luke I glared at the rings on the simple chain, shuddering at the sight of them before shoving them into my pocket and heading out of the house only to be greeted by a cool breeze. Luke wanted to meet in the park, somewhere fairly open and a chance for him to get some fresh air after being confined to tour buses, stadiums and all modes of transport for many months. He said the fresh air is a better option, plus you can be more open with what you said outside, you don't have to worry about people around you and being topic sensitive. 

Wondering through the park I walked towards a bench underneath a large oak tree and observed the people around me whilst I waited. There were couples of all ages passing by all having the same look of contentment written across their faces, children running around laughing. Their laughs echoing in my mind as I thought back to when I was younger, how much I'd laugh and joke about, but now in the real world it's not all fun and games. 

"So, you came." I snapped out of my thoughts as I turned my head to see Luke hovering by me. He had changed the most out of them all, his once boyish face had developed and matured, he became broad and managed to grow facial hair. I stood up unsure on what to do, he opened his arms to me and I allowed myself a minute to hug him, to try and not cry into his chest. 

I sniffed as I rested against his chest, "I won't get snot on your top I promise." I joked to try and relieve myself from feeling so weighed down and he lightly chuckled making me feel at ease. 

Eventually I pulled away and quickly wiped my eyes before sitting back down with Luke who remained silent as I let out a shaky breath. "Where to even begin huh?" He spoke up making me let out a light laugh, nodding in agreement to him. 

I brought my hands up and held them up before slamming them back down, signaling how confused I felt about the entire situation. My pocket felt like it was burning from these rings that I kept hidden, I pulled them out and held them in my hand, the chain hanging between my fingers. I could see Luke's eyes widen out of the corner of my eye. "I didn't actually think it was real." He sounded surprised and I gave a small nod. 

"It was a long story he didn't want to hear." I mumbled as I closed my fingers over the rings, not wanting to be reminded of it all, of that time I don't want to return to ever again. "Guess telling you would be a start, right?" I turned to face him and saw him hesitate as he thought carefully, his eyes focused on the gum that marked the pavement and the pigeons that wondered around in search of food surrounding the bench. 

"Only if you want to." I let out a sigh of relief at his response, I placed the rings back into my pocket, tucking the chain back into place before proceeding to tell him everything, not wanting to miss any crucial details out, no matter how much they hurt. 

                                                             *                                      

The door closed but I was too absorbed in the darkness to care now. I stayed still and continued to focus on the patch of light that peeped through my blinds. The light reminded me of her, of Y/n. How just a small patch of light was enough to keep me going in this darkness, that if I exposed too much of her into my life like I did before she would hurt me, she did hurt me. 

"Cal." My ears perked up but I didn't tear my eyes away from the blinds, part of me knew I should listen, try to care but I had gone into shut down mode since yesterday. I barely responded when I got back besides muttering enough for the guys to understand something was up. Luke sounded breathless as he hovered by my doorway, he never runs, he only runs if something is important or viable but right now I can't imagine something being either. "You've got to listen to me mate," The floorboards creaked as he came into my room, walking towards me and blocked the light from my view, I knew it was still visible but not to my eyes. 

I remained silent but shifted my point of view, I locked eyes with his face. He looked determined, his eyes looked cold instead of tender like they usually would be when we came home. Sighing I knew it would be difficult to work through this without trying to input something. "What is it Luke?" I sounded irritated, it wasn't intentional to him, I just couldn't help the feeling inside of me right now. Part of me craved her back, to just sit with her and hear her out. But then I remembered it, the fact that she is with someone else, not me.

"I went to see Y/n." Immediately I found myself being interested in what he had to say. My phone had become broken through rage I felt last night as I imagined her with someone else. How she must've looked in a wedding gown, her perfect day with her ideal partner, how she would go to sleep at night with him holding her, making her laugh like I used to do. "She needs you Cal, we've gotten it all wrong." He lowered his head, as if he were ashamed. 

She needed me, I needed her too. But it shouldn't and couldn't be so simple, I am not hers, she isn't mine. What could we have gotten wrong? She said so herself, she is taken for, she is married to someone else who has now got her for the rest of her life. She was and always has been the one person I wanted to return to, to see again and tell her how I felt which I began to do, but there was more to my story, what if there was more to her story as well?

I shifted on my bed and began to move, feeling the blood flow through my once again and felt slightly warm after feeling so cold and shut off for so long now. Luke formed a smile on his face as I stood up and grabbed my jacket, heading towards the front door to go and see her, but as I reached the door I turned back round and headed to my room. "I should probably put some pants on first." I looked down and heard laughter from the others, "And find out where I'm supposed to go as well!" I realised as I quickly changed and went back to Luke to be informed on where to go now, feeling motivated once again. 

"She wants to meet you in the park, under the oak tree." He told me and I nodded, hearing calls of luck as I shut the door, feeling confident that I can do this. That I can hear her out, listen to her story. 

Then hopefully she'll be willing to hear me out again, then maybe I can let her go.