All of my 5sos work

When Things Fell Apart: II

Some time had passed, my phone remained something distant to me throughout most of the day now. Too many people got involved, sides were taken, argued over, and all of it remained a permanent display online. The never ending pinging and ringing of my phone was enough to drive anyone to insanity. Everyday I received apologises from strangers about how things supposedly ended, when really I was unsure myself.

Messages directly from his friends were glanced at each night, various forms of apologies or confusion. How leading up to our demise that things seemed off with him, he acted distant and less talkative; I should've expected it really. Part of me blames myself for not seeing it sooner and all the excitement he had for going away and returning disheartened. That all of those hugs seemed less meaningful, all the late nights together had no true feeling, the words he told me over and over meant nothing to him. How naïve was I? The signs were obvious but I denied it all, and for what? Just to end up even more broken than before?

The days of blankly staring at a wall that was once covered in memories we'd shared together, now in ruins on the ground and I had no care to remove the remains as they reminded me to perceiver on. Weeks spent hidden away to the point where my friends broke into my apartment and moved in to ensure I ate and drank enough, got some form of fresh air even if it meant sitting on the balcony for five minutes. That period was over.

So here I am now. I've moved on, I'm independent. I feel happier, well as happy as I can be for the meantime. Yet one phone call from the unexpected has resulted in me on a flight to visit what I once considered my second home. The place where so many memories had been made and I was apart of a family, one I had never expected to be with. Fiddling with the locket I held close to my heart I couldn't help but feel anxious to see them all again, various scenarios circled in my mind but I was assured he would be away.

"Honey I miss you, we miss you. Please just, just visit us for the day. There's something I need to give you and I can't ship it, I refuse to." Her exact words, I was missed. No mention of Luke, no mention of his new girlfriend. No apologies- I was just missed.

Walking out of the metal voyage I had been confined in with only my queries to keep me company a breath of fresh air was needed. Yet instead of something new or different it was a strong gust of nostalgia instead. I pictured myself here years ago, how he tightly held my hand that I couldn't stop shaking with nerves about meeting his family. He kept telling me how much they'd love me, just like he did.

Now I stand alone, looking out to the airport and wandering inside. I don't need anyone to hold my hand or ensure I am cared for or even remotely loved at this point. All I care about is seeing people who still want to acknowledge me, perhaps to see them one last time before shutting the door and locking it on this part of my life, leaving him with it and throwing away the key.

After leaving the airport and silently sitting in the taxi, listening to the drivers music in peace. Yet that song comes on, I freeze up. Any ounce of me that was relaxed or at ease had now become tense. Fibres became hard and hairs stood up on end at the sound of his voice, speaking up to break that sound I boldly asked him to change it. His voice was gone, but everything remained rigid. The sound was gone from the car but it continued to echo in my mind.

Watching everything pass by the words circled in my mind, thinking about how tightly he held my hand on the ride over. How he pointed out things that reminded him of childhood or the things he would get up to when he was at home with family. Yet now I see these things passing by the ghost of who he once was looms, shutting my eyes I can't block it out. The singing, the words, the pictures, the memories. It's all too much, I can't do it.

Just as I go to speak to the driver, tell him to go back, take me to the airport but he stops. Trying to control the shaky breaths I have I turn and see it all through blurred vision. The driver looks back to me and I can't move, the gaze he holds in his eyes says it all; he understands the emotion I'm storing.