All of my 5sos work

The Accident: VI

Screaming I sit up right, heavily panting as I look around to see where I am. Touching my forehead I feel how moist it is from sweat, standing I remove all my bedding that is yet again damp from cold sweats in the night and the endless flow of tears. I take all my bedding in a bundle downstairs and through to the wash room, Penny gets out of her bed and follows me as I just collapse next to the washing machine, completely exhausted. 

It never gets easier, no matter how many times everyone tells me it will take time to have the images wiped from my mind or to not hear my cries for help it just doesn't. 

Two weeks, it had only been two drawn out weeks since I last saw him, since I last held him in my arms like he would hold me. 

Even now I can see myself running at full force towards him, unable to see my own feet with the film of tears across my vision and collapse next to him. I lifted his head onto my lap, the foggy light shone onto us from the broken car that remained in heaps in the entrance to the forest; both of us surrounded my scraps. He wore a tired smile, as he attempted to reach his arm up to cradle my cheek, wipe away the tears that fell. 

Glancing down to my hands I can still picture the blood that stained them and find myself wiping my hands across my legs vigorously as I whimpered. Penny came over and nudged herself under my arm, she knew how to distract me even in the short time I've had her. There's no blood now, they washed it away at the hospital along with his last breath. 

For the first few days after it happened, after that accident I seemed normal. The morning after it had happened and I was just sat in the hospital Cal came in, he was a wreck and was considerably the worst out of them all. He couldn't comprehend how I was just sat there, gave him a hug and told him so easily what had happened. 

The doctors told me I was still in a state of shock at that time, that it had not fully hit me yet but once it would the amount of support I would require would be strenuous.  Still I hold my phone in my hand, my fingertip circling the button where the red circle showed I had one message, one voicemail. 

Part of me knew if I listened to that voicemail then I would have to let him go, that this life would become meaningless and I'd have to do something else. I wouldn't have singing sessions or watch him play the drums anymore, there would be no more hand holding on our walk up the hill- there would only be me, me left with his last words encrypted on my phone. 

Sighing I tucked my phone away for another night and turned the washing machine on, watching the water soak and drown my sheets then toss them like a rag doll violently around the cylinder. Moving away I head towards the kitchen and grab a hold of my phone again, except dialling a different number. Patiently I listened to the relentless rings as if each one held a different purpose. The first ring was hopeful, the second was thinking they are just hearing the rings yet with the third and fourth you start to lose faith in them answering and by the last few it's that mere desperation. 

He picked up just before desperation kicked in, "Hey." Tiredness plagued his voice and immediately my finger tips reached for my necklace, moving it around as I leant back on the counter with guilt. 

"Sorry, if I, if I woke you Cal." Quietly I responded as I focused on the view ahead, the blank wall that once was covered in artwork now a void. "Just, I saw it happen again." My words barely came out as a whisper and slowly I slid down the counter focusing past the wall and to the outside, how dark and quiet the world is whilst my mind never shut off. 

The line went silent as Penny walked over and rested her head on my legs allowing me to stroke her head to calm down, something that I've done too many times. "Do you want to talk about it?" He questioned and with that I paused, looking around the house at how empty it all felt.