It had been seven months since Ashton had come home, how we have had to slowly piece his memories back together and it's been difficult to endure. At times when we would go out with his friends he would be confused about how they knew more of my past than he did. On many nights we sat and talked until the sun came up, just to become more familiar once again, neither of us giving in.
Seven months of hospital visits to check on his progress, see how his memory has come back in small pieces, he can remember moments but not specific chunks of our relationship, but it's better than having no one at all. Today we have to go back for the weekly visits to the hospital, these visits are draining for both of us. They make us sit and they do tests on Ashton's memory, from the last thing he can remember and events in the world he missed out on and how the accident happened. He knows the story off by heart having it hammered into his memory now. He may not remember living through it but knows how it happened at least, he isn't living in the complete dark.
A couple of weeks ago we had Ashton's family stay with us since we couldn't get back to his home, the doctors thought flying for such a long period of time would be damaging. Having his family here was difficult at times for sure, but mostly it seemed to relax him which is what is good to see. Seeing him bond with his siblings and help out his mum it makes me smile thinking of it all.
After the hospital visit we come back home, the usual run of events after a visit is to refresh ourselves then watch films all night and talk about anything that Ashton wants to know. It can range from my upbringing to how I learnt to drive or my first kiss. Things that he knew once like the back of his hand, but now it's alien to him but it's not his fault. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be sat next to him today, brushing his golden curls out of his face, seeing those dimples form when he smiles to me or the fully amazed and interested look he has whenever I tell him something new.
To begin with when we got home initially I felt like I was walking on ice around him, he was kept in a wheelchair for a few weeks in case he caused anymore damage in his legs or was prone to falling which may have resulted in his head to become even worse. I would avoid him and sit upstairs in my study just to cry, he didn't quite understand why or knew about how upset I would be, as he didn't know me. For a while he didn't talk a lot, he seemed like part of him was holding back every time we ate a meal or when we said good night. He admitted recently how scared he felt, that he was living with a stranger who was supposedly his fiancée and that this was his life. I always told him if it wasn't for him I would understand but he remained persistent, eventually I joined him.
As we both walk in, hand in hand he goes and makes us a drink each. Some people think that the relationship isn't normal, how I am trying to make him remember me, those people think I'm holding him back and that he should live his life now, not trying to remember everything that did happen. Ashton remains perfectly capable of everything he did before, playing the drums and singing with the guys, dancing terribly and naming every single Pokemon character. He now knows so much about me, it's almost like everything was the way it used to be, almost.
As Ashton walks into the living room handing me a drink I give a small smile, he raises an eyebrow and sits down next to me, taking away my drink so he can hold me close. Four months ago he picked back up on my mood and how it can alter, this wasn't something I had to explain it was just his own instinct. He knows how tough I find the sessions, reliving the night of the accident and he always holds me close, never wanting to let me go.
Neither of us say anything, we sit there in silence embracing each other, finding peace within the muted world. Sometimes he will say soothing words, or repeat an old story or tell me about something he remembered us doing once, it may only be a small glimpse of a memory but I usually fill him in on what he missed, we make it work.
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All of my 5sos work
Fanfictioneverything I ever wrote that is to do with 5 seconds of summer, all of this can be found on my tumblr account (same name) but I thought it might be worth putting it here as well. there are over 100 pieces all together, some are series' and I will s...