All of my 5sos work

Preference #24: Don't make me go.

Closing the door felt more difficult than it should have, stress weighed against it with all its might and it was something I now permanently struggled with. Placing my keys in the oak table I removed my sunglasses and beanie, finally being able to take my oversized coat off and let the warmth that filled the room counteract the crisp cold of the outside. There was an uneasy silence, usually music would play or I would be able to hear him drumming with all his might but no, no noise, no life, just silence.

Moving through each room he was nowhere to be found, I continued to head up the stairs as my heart rate increases with each step. As I reached the landing his door was partially open, with short movements I could see his light in the crack of the door and as I opened it, hearing that all too familiar creek there he lay diagonally across the bed.

"What're you doing?" I asked unsure what to say, he didn't respond but instead held up a magazine.

Walking towards him I removed the glossy cover from his grip, taking a closer look at it. There he was, with another girl. Titled 'Irwin for the win' sighing I lay on the other end of the bed, mentally exhausted.

"Did anyone see you?" Let the usual questions begin, sitting upright I shook my head, being too tired to argue tonight. "I know it's not easy, I just don't want you to get hurt." Quietly I scoffed, but obviously not as quiet as I hoped as he abruptly sat up.

His hazel eyes that I fell in love with turned hard, tearing my eyes away I knew this was going to be yet another argument. Sometimes at night I reflect on the times when we didn't argue, when we could laugh and joke, just being ourselves without letting this secret overwhelm every movement we made.

"Ashton," I began as he stood up, moving away from the bed and began pacing back and forth. Knowing him well enough he was trying to calm down, stop the angst from building up. Yet this deemed ineffective of late, and I doubt it will change tonight. "I just can't take this anymore." My attempt to sound strong failed in my light tone, my eyes focused on my plain socks as I listened to the storm rolling in.

"Well we've managed for over a year, what's changed?" Sarcasm, his first defence.

Keeping my back turned to him I tried to continue, "You're going out, you're all over the world and I stay here! I stay and be the good girlfriend, I don't go clubbing or get drunk and make mistakes or get seen. I'm tired of all these articles, the fans, all these assumptions about your life, your life where I don't exist!" All the thoughts that I let build up for the past few months whilst he was on tour or hanging in LA, I couldn't hold it back.

My words hung thick like fog in the air as I slowly turned, seeing the pacing had stopped and he was looking straight back at me. Defeat was far from his gaze, instead it was fuelled with frustration. "How'd you think I feel? You don't think I want you with me every minute of the tour when I sleep in a cramped bunk unable to call you? That I want everyone to think of me as a player with all these girls I meet or party with? God, not everything is about you!" He yelled and that was when I began to crumble. "Just," Sighing he held his head in his hands, crawling across the bed I stood in front of him, trying to hold onto his hands which were brushed aside. "just leave." Remorse lacked his tone as he moved to the side holding the door open for me.

Looking at him for any sign of regret I was unlucky, nothing but anger was written in his face, his frown, his furrowed brows and dark eyes. "Please don't make me go." I whispered to him but I was given no response. Letting out a defeated sigh I straightened myself up and walked away. Grabbing onto my coat leaving the sunglasses and beanie. If people wanted to see me I'll let them, I'm done with secrets.

The rain came down like his anger, fast with little care for hurting those who pass by. Walking felt heavy, it was strenuous to just take the few steps away from his place and round the corner. My tears began to blur into the rain, my tears may be concealed but my feelings can't wash away into the rain with ease, his words replayed in my mind as I got my phone from my pocket, ignoring the rain drops distorting the photo of the two of us that remained my background for the past year.