All of my 5sos work

When Things Fell Apart: III

Walking away my eyes focused on this box. What was inside? Was it something significant to me or to the both of us? But more than anything else was Liz apologising when I turned away. How her own son was afraid to admit to his faults, but was she just trying to comfort me? Probably. I came all this way because she asked me to, I did it with some hesitation but not a lot- did I secretly want to see him again? Probably. Will I let this affect my feelings? No.

Once I was around the corner I lent against a wall and rang for a taxi to take me to some hotel for the night, my flight was early hours in the morning so I've got a while to kill. As I finished talking I put my phone in my pocket and saw a familiar dog run towards me, at first I was apprehensive, doubting if I were correct. But then the joyful bark and lick on my wrist made me believe I was right.

"Molly?" I bent down in front of her, stroking her fur and forgot how much I missed her. Glancing up I stood back up, brushing off her fur from my black jeans and smiled. "Hey Andy." I half smiled, Andy never made much of a scene about the breakup, he was upset yes but didn't address it with as much force as Liz did.

After greeting me Molly kept brushing her head against my hand, whining as she did so. "Looks like someone missed you as well." He joked and I went down to her level, allowing her to lick my cheek like she used to first thing in the morning. "We, we miss you." Andy spoke up and I could make out the sad smile on his face if I squinted, blocking out the sun. Standing up I opened my arms and gave him a hug, being aware to keep the box tight in my grip. As I pulled away he had that look like the others did at the locket. It held sorrow but also gratitude, uneasy I placed my hand on it, unsure what else to do.

"How's everything been?" I asked, trying to feel comfortable about the matter but struggled to make small talk with someone I used to play games with when I couldn't sleep from jet lag. He shrugged his shoulders, "Different." A simple statement that said more than he intended. "I mean Molly misses you, she misses you a lot and Liz talks about you when Luke's not home with her." The almost spat out the last bit of the sentence and I was taken back by this. Raising an eyebrow to his remark he shook his head, "It's not been easy, finding out things." All I could do was nod before glancing back to Molly who continued to pant loudly.

"Guess there's only room for one dog eh Mol?" I mumbled under my breath but Andy proceeded to laugh. Immediately I felt embarrassed, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that." I covered my head with my free hand. Letting out a deep sigh I exposed my face to the bright sunlight yet again, "I haven't really spoke about it, at all." He brought me into another tight hug, similar to the one Liz gave me.

"Take care of yourself." He spoke up and patted my shoulder, "And do as my wife says with that box, wait until you're going home." With that we exchanged goodbyes and he and Molly were off back home, leaving me with more pieces of the puzzle to connect.

Once I got into the taxi I couldn't help but fiddle with the latch on the box, examining the hinges and the slightly chipped edges, seeing where it had been marked or scratched. Curious to how old or new it could actually be. Yet I had a word to keep, I stopped running my fingers over the smooth wood and placed it next to me instead, glancing at my phone ignoring the sea of notifications before locking it once again. 

Arriving at the hotel I quickly checked in, keeping low key and not expecting any form of attention. Yet since the break up people can't help but address me from time to time about my feelings, my appearance, about my friends who I'm seen with. Everyone's a suspect, it leaves me with little security. A gentle tap on my shoulder alerted me and as I turned two girls faced me with opposite expressions written across their faces. 

The girl with dark brown hair flipped her hair behind her shoulder, phone close to hand and kept a straight face, seeming unimpressed. Whereas the other girl struggled to contain her excitement, there had been few occasions where people, fans of Luke's band wanted to meet me as well as him. Most of the time I offered to take photos on their behalf and ensure they had a genuine experience, yet now with no one else it felt awkward. 

"Hi?" I spoke up to the two girls unsure on what to say as I slipped my phone into my pocket and held my room key tightly as I stayed pressed against the reception desk. 

My name was practically squealed from the enthusiastic girl and I squinted at the sound, apprehensively nodding she engulfed me in a hug, unsure what to do her friend pulled her away obviously embarrassed by the situation due to the light crimson that crossed her cheeks. "Sorry, I just," She pushed her hair out of her eyes and took a deep breath. "I always wanted to meet you and I'm really sorry about you and Luke." A sympathetic smile was displayed and I half smiled back, still trying to process what was happening here. 

"Thank you, it's lovely to meet you guys. You just in the area?" No matter how I look or come across I want it to be pleasant for these people, they don't deserve sly comments or arrogance. 

They both nodded and told me how they were shopping when they thought they recognised me, "But don't worry, no one else knows." I mentally let out a sigh of relief, my plan was to be low key, go unnoticed and then slip back into my everyday life. "Is that the locket?" Brunette motioned to her friend as she raised an eyebrow to my locket which I defensively covered with my hand. 

"How'd you know about my locket?" I asked, generally curious.

"Luke used to post about it or mention it." She rolled her eyes and all I could do was nod. "Not over him are you?" I could hear her mocking me in her tone whilst the other girl held sympathy in her eyes. 

Shaking my head I straightened up, "We've both moved on for the better, I'm happy that he's found someone who is right for him." I practically spoke through gritted teeth whilst forcing a smile. 

They weren't buying it, I knew in that instance by the forced smiles on their faces and how they avoided eye contact with me. Shortly after we parted ways, I went to the lift and allowed myself to relax but the flash of a camera alerted me and I lost whatever peace may have been temporarily in place. 

Walking out of the lift I kept my head low, no one would know me in some average hotel. People who came to hotels in the middle of the day were there to keep secrets, be scandalous, and remain anonymous. You would see people sneak out one by one from these rooms, re buttoning shirts and ignoring one another or wiping their noses, putting sunglasses on and prepare to face reality. That's the thing about places like these, it's a short term get away. 

Opening the door the smell of damp hit me hard, I tried my hardest not to pull a disgusted face but it was a few hours, a few hours and then you'll be gone. Perching on the edge of the bed I stared at the box I placed on the table next to the miniaturized essentials that I couldn't stop thinking about with an ongoing sense of curiosity. 

I mean, if I opened it they wouldn't know. But if both Liz and Andy want me to open it once I leave is it serious? What if it's a pregnancy test and Arzaylea is pregnant with Luke's baby? Or if it is a strand of Luke's hair that his mum cut off? Or a letter from Liz to say goodbye? What if it's something to do with me? What if? 

Standing up I shoved the box in my bag and decided to go for a shower, freshen myself up before going back to a confined state for the next day in my life. Seeing myself as I went for a shower I wish I looked less disheveled, reflecting on the fact that this is how I presented myself to Luke, to his family and to his fans. Groaning at myself I got into the shower wanting nothing more than to wash away the regret that lingered over being here, the images of Luke looking like he did when I would wake up in the morning during his breaks from tour and the picture of her with him instead of me. How his mum told me he was sorry, he made a mistake. In that moment I wanted nothing more than the pool of water around my feet to grow past my head. 

Allowing the cool air to hit me as I opened the door from the bathroom I walked back into my room, decided some music would distract the moans and cries that could be heard through these thin walls that made my skin crawl. Turning the song up to full blast I lost myself in the moment as I swayed from side to side, completely unaware of it ending and the new song beginning. As the song played I froze, it felt like I was back in front of him again. Except he wore a smile and a suit, held his hand out to me to dance in the evenings after dates under the stars where we would be truly alone without anyone to disturb us. We would laugh and dance badly no matter how much we tried. 

Except as I open my eyes there is no suit, no smiles or laughter. I'm stood alone in a towel in a hotel room, completely and utterly alone.