All of my 5sos work

The Accident

ASHTON SERIES:

The door slammed shut causing all the walls to shake, I remained still not wanting to risk being noticed. My eyes remained tightly shut as he came up the stairs, I knew it was late- too late. ​His slow movement was enough to let me know his current state, I didn't even have to smell him.

Remaining perfectly still but tense the door knob turned, the lock pulled out and the wood creaked as he tried to be quiet closing it; something he could've, should've perfected months ago but yet, he still can't. Kicking his shoes off I could hear the flakes of dirt falling onto the wooden floorboards, replacing last night's marks again, followed by his jeans, his top, his jacket before he tries to quietly climb into bed. The edge of the bed couldn't be closer as I hang on barely, not wanting to be near him tonight. 

I felt a cold hand grip my thigh, my heart kept racing as it pulled me back into bed, away from the wooden floor which I favoured at this point. Now his breath was closer it made me want to gag, the awful concoctions he likes to have, no matter how strong they may be. His vile breath got closer to my lips, heat coming off of them as he his shallow breath hummed in my ears, I couldn't, I wouldn't. 

Sliding out of bed he looked confused, completely out of it, worse than he has been in a week. Crossing my arms around my chest I was unaware of how cold it had become, I didn't notice the frost forming on the grass outside, the condensation on the windows blurring the outside, the goose bumps that formed on my legs.  

"You can't keep doing this." I quietly stated as I tried to work up all the strength I had in me to finally say it, finally tell him how I feel rather than hide it as I clean the mud, clean the mess he leaves around the house after he's gone for another day. The tears he doesn't see or the calls to my friend about it all, about how I need to leave, how desperate I am for things to be normal again. 

He sat, utterly dumbfounded on our bed. Still half out of it but I knew that look in his eyes, he was alert inside but fumbled on the outside. His hazel eyes whirred and widened with fear as I shuffled, trying to fight back the shiver and tears that I felt forming. Moving across the bed he perched on the end near to me, his arms resting on his thighs as he held his head low. "I just, I don't see the problem." He murmured causing me to scoff, he quickly lifted his head back up to look right at me. "Why? Do you have a problem with it?" The soft tone had hardened, tears that brimmed my eyes disappeared, replaced by anger that fuelled inside. 

"You don't get it do you?" Releasing my arms from each other I huffed, he remained still as I began to walk around the space. "You come into the house, not caring about how much noise you make at ridiculous times. Today it's 1am, yesterday it was almost 4am! I can't take the worry, the fear that runs in my mind of where you are, if you're alright or if you're just like this- completely off your face." He was now blank, unreadable. "Then you come in, kiss me with that awful breath that makes me sick to my stomach. Then you go, and do it all over again." Tightly closing my eyes I can't take it, my barriers are breaking down again and I can't stop them this time. "What happened to you Ash? You were doing so well." My voice broke and I choked on my own sobs as he sat there, silent, still. 

I waited, I waited for a while as I held my tears back. Restraining myself from screaming at the top of my lungs at him or trying to think back to how things used to be. Memories of us having a glass of wine or a beer with dinner, no more. Going out with friends to clubs, sure lots of drinks but we knew the limit. Yet the man that sits before me knows no limit, he lost control, he is in a pit with no escape route; and all this time I have held the ladder for him to climb out but he turned away. The ladder is going to be taken away, it's inevitable now. 

"I, I don't know." He shook his head as he spoke but it wasn't enough. "We got back from tour, you were still away on holiday and I was alone. I wanted to feel alive like I did on tour, the adrenaline rush again." He started and now I crouched by his legs, looking up at him. "Yet when the alcohol kicked in it didn't feel the same as it should have. There wasn't anyone to enjoy it with, the guys weren't with me, there was no music, no you." He placed his hand on top of mine, I felt myself giving in, losing this battle yet again, but I needed to hear it. "Just some dull music and an empty house. So the next night I went to a club with strangers, I liked it, I liked it too much and I was hooked. When you got home I thought I would be alright but, but I couldn't fight the urge to feel the burn in my throat turn to comfort. To feel weightless and enjoy myself for a short while before coming home to you."