All of my 5sos work

Nightmares No More

Screaming myself awake I sat upright. Sweat covering my face and my pillow feeling damp as my breathing remains shallow. I wipe my face as always, this is my routine; has been ever since I was around 8 years old. Immediately I move my thick curtains exposing my blinds to the darkness blind without the glow of the streetlamps that would've gone off over two hours ago now. 

Going over my breathing routine I try and shut the images out from my mind, each night they'd be different. One night I'd be falling to my death, the next being chased by dolls with hammers calling my name as I hid from them. I never got more than three hours of peaceful sleep before being invaded by dark visions and screaming myself awake. Leaning over from my bed I turn my lamp on and proceed to change my bedding, removing my pillows and sheets leaving everything bare and colourless. 

Peeping through the blinds I saw his light on and a guilty feeling washed over me. Sitting on the edge of my bed I sighed, I hadn't meant to turn my lamp on, I completely forgot. He'd be here in a matter of minutes now so I got changed, cooled down and silently crept down the stairs. 

Ever since I was around eight years old my nightmares became more frequent. My parents unsure what was happening tried to help but nothing was effective, I couldn't fight the ability to sleep and then I'd go to school, completely exhausted. Back then me and my neighbour who happens to be my closest friend, Michael, would walk together. He'd see how I'd yawn constantly and proposed an idea. 

He suggested that everytime I need someone to talk to or even just sit with, regardless of the time he'd be there. We devised the lamp system. Open curtains, lamp on and he would know, he'd come round and lie with me until I fell back asleep knowing I was safe. Nine years on and it's still the deal, although I've been trying to avoid it. 

Michael has given me his all for nearly a decade, he's been my best friend through and through. Been there for everything but of late I can't deny how it doesn't feel right, it's not normal. He's my best friend, he's not my boyfriend. 

So, I've been trying to cope on my own, not rely on the lamp system as he needs uninterrupted sleep without the intervening of me. Yet as I reach the front door a wave of nerves over come me as I hesitate holding the door handle. Maybe I can just send him away, tell him it was a mistake. But deep down I know he wouldn't fall for that. He would see my bloodshot and red face, the hoarseness in my voice from screaming, the beads of sweat along my hairline. He knew too much, sometimes for the worse. 

Opening the door I saw him with a blanket wrapped around his bare shoulders and he was only wearing Spiderman pyjama trousers, making me chuckle lightly. He no longer wore an overly tired or sympathetic smile on his face, he stopped that after a couple of months. Instead, he just smiled with care. Walking inside I could smell a light touch of his musk making my cheeks warm. 

Heading upstairs in silence I trailed behind his blanket, much like a veil at this point. We did what we always did, he finished helping me replace my sheets and then got comfortable in eachothers arms.  Lying against his chest with a light blanket covering us I felt safe, I could hear his steady heartbeat and it was always comforting to hear it never spiking. "You wanna tell me what tonight's was?" Sometimes he asks if I'm quiet, wanting me to open up about the nightmare rather than trapping it, bottling it inside of me making me worry more and dwell over it until the following night.

Releasing a small sigh I snuggled closer into him, pulling the blanket as if there wasn't enough. "I erm, I was old." Closing my eyes I could picture everything perfectly, the unfortunate side of my nightmares; all the details remained clear, unforgettable. "My hands were covered in wrinkle and I was so cold, the bitter wind hurt me as I felt so frail. I was in a room, on my own with no decorations besides the chair I was sat in." His green eyes focused on me, they always were as I focused on one spot of my wallpaper, it was scratched and I used to pick at it when I was anxious. "A woman came in, told me it was time. I asked for my family then she said I had no one, that I'd never had anyone who loved me." My lips began to quiver as her blunt words replayed, his hand stroked my hair, working its way down my arm and to my lower back, resting there. "She had a needle, I told, begged her not to but she didn't care. Then I woke up as she injected me." 

Opening my eyes I glanced up to him, seeing the concern etched in his eyes. We both remained silent for a moment whilst the story sunk in for him, the sound of the cats screeching or the gust of wind whistling could be heard whilst we stayed still. "You know, you'll never be alone." He began, except something was different about his tone. It wasn't just the best friend tone but there was something else about it, something unknown. "Never in your life will I let you feel alone, live your life without someone by your side." Leaning up to face him I could see he was nervous, something was bothering him as he struggled to focus on me. "Because I want to be the one by your side, always." Mumbling the last part he then glanced up at me. 

I was a deer caught in headlights. Silently stunned. He looked disheartened as I stayed quiet, mouth slightly ajar. "Michael." I whispered as I struggled to get to grip with what he was saying. 

"For years I've known. I've always wanted to be there for you, every night I wait for you to need me, I need you as much as you need me at times. Being with you, holding you in my arms makes me realise how much I do care about you, how in these times I notice how you sometimes drool in your sleep which doesn't bother me. I can see the freckles that cross your nose, how you scrunch your nose in your sleep or how you hold on so tightly whenever you initially drift off. The way you laugh at my bad jokes just to make you smile, the way you let me be in your life, the sense of pain that hurts me to see you endure." He listed all the little things, aspects I'd never thought he'd observe, but he did. Everything. 

A small smile formed on his face resembling mine, my eyes felt heavy and I could see his going too. Letting out a small chuckle at his drooping eyelids as they closed I leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. Quickly pulling away I got comfy against his shoulder, resting my head against his neck allowing me to be closer to him. He adjusted the blanket over us and as I felt sleep pulling me in I mumbled under my breath, "I care about you too." I could feel him smiling, and then I let the good in, shutting the nightmares out.