SOPHIE'S POV:
We walked in silence for a minute or two. I dont think either of us really knew where we were going but we just walked.
"Thankyou for giving me a chance to explain" Joel said.
I felt butterflies in my stomache.
"They said you deserved a chance to talk" I said back, completely toneless.
"well thanks" He said.
I didnt reply. What could i really say. Start fucking talking you massive cock.
No i couldnt say anything.
"Im sorry Soph. I really am. Theres no real explanation for why i acted the way i did last night. I dont know what came over me. I really dont. Im not gunna lie to you and say i dont have feelings for Beth, because i do. But its nothing i would act on because i like you too much.
I dont know why i acted that way last night. I guess i had alot to drink and wasnt thinking clearly. Thinking like a proper prick to be fair. And i dont expect you to forgive me. I really dont. But i just need you to know how none of that meant anything to me, but the fact i upset you crushed me.
I didnt mean to upset you. The truth is, i was so happy last night, spending time with you. Getting to know you better. Getting closer to you. I dont know how everything changed so fast, i just know i massively fucked things up and i dont care what happens with anyone else, i just want to sort things out with you. I want you to know how much you really mean to me" Joel spilled out.
It took a minute for me to take it all in.
"And i really dont expect you to forgive me Sophie, i would never just expect that, im so sorry. Im so sorry everyone found out. I really am. I just need you to understand how shit i feel about this. How much i hate the fact i upset you. How much i hurt you" He added.
I could feel myself loosing all of my anger now.
I was starting to feel sorry for him.
I could see he meant every word of this.
I stayed quiet for a moment, thinking about how i felt. Thinking about what to say.
No matter how much i thought about it, it didnt become any clearer.
"Look Joel, im not gunna lie. Im still pissed at you. Not only did you make me feel stupid, telling everyone else how much you wanted her and not me, but i really liked you and now i feel you dont like me" i said back to him.
I had to tell him the truth seeing as he'd told me.
"Im so sorry Soph" He said, stopping walking now and holding my arm.
"I really am so so sorry. Im sorry i made you feel stupid. But you need to know that its you that i like. I want you, not Beth. And after yesterday, i mean not last night, but the day time, it was you more than ever. I do like you Soph. I really do" He said.
He was making me face him now.
I was thinking about it.
There was nothing else i could say without being a dick.
He said all he could. Spilled everything.
And the truth was, i forgave him. I didnt believe he liked me, but he was sorry for making me upset and embarrassing me. But how to tell him that without him thinking i wanted things to return to normal. The truth was i didnt. I wanted him to know how much he upset me. I wanted him to have to make it up to me. If that was even possible.
"I forgive you Joel. For upsetting me. Lets be friends yeah" I said, and turned around walking away.
The look on his face had dropped. He looked gutted. So he should be. Acting like that.
