Interesting (AfterDeath)

Chapter 23

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Reaper P.O.V

"hEY!  THAT'S MY CIGAR!" G shouted, glaring at me.  I rolled my eyes at him apathetically, lazily inserting the cigarette I had stolen from him between my lips.

"You'll steal another," I muttered, inhaling deeply, letting the smoke from the cigar fill my lungs.  G sighed heavily, shaking his head at me, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You.  Bitch," he accused.  I let out a soft hum of agreement, closing my eyes relaxedly, leaning back against a wall, forgetting the happenings of the day, forgetting the worries, the pain.

Forgetting the possibility of Geno ending up in jail because of me.

I sighed heavily, opening my eyes again to watch clouds of grey smoke curl and dance in the air mesmerisingly.

"Yo..." G muttered eventually, making me turn my attention back to him.  I raised a brow in a noncommittal manner, puffing on the cigar between my lips.

"What exactly happened today?"  He asked, narrowing his eyes at me.  "I mean, you made out with that cop you were crushing on, then he ran off, you ran off after him, then, about a half hour later, the chief of police comes barging into the cafeteria in search of your cop bae.  Now you're depressed and smoking behind a prison - and you never smoke.  You've told me that each time I offered you a cig." 

I rolled my eyes at the end of G's monologue, sucking more smoke into my lungs, not saying anything.  After a long while, G sighed, uncrossing his arms, probably sensing that I didn't want to talk.

"I'll leave you to wallow in your teenage angst," he muttered, walking away from me.  Once he had disappeared from sight, I sighed heavily, pulling the cigar from my mouth, tossing it to the ground, stamping out the small flame lighting up one of the ends.

I slid my back down the wall that I was leaning against, burying my face in my hands, rubbing my face tiredly, my thoughts fixed on Geno, which, quite honestly, wasn't much of a change from the last few weeks.

'Geno would have been better off not meeting me,' I thought bitterly.  'A criminal. A murderer. I'm only holding him back, making him run away from his job. He deserves far better than someone like me.'

'If only he hadn't met me, then he wouldn't be becoming a fugitive just so that he could run off with me. He wouldn't be ruining his life... for me.'

I sighed heavily, glaring into the distance.

'But I love him so much... and now that I have him, I don't think that I could ever let him go, not without putting up a fight... I need him...' I choked out a sad laugh.

'How selfish can you get, Reaper?'  I sighed again, shaking my head at myself dismally.

My mind drifted back to the scars on his wrist.

Most of the ones that I had seen were almost fresh - a within five hours from the incident kind of fresh, maybe less; probably less. Then there were some that were just thin lines of silver on his pale skin, then everything in between.  There were no bandages that I could have seen, and some of the cuts had even seemed picked at, though I hadn't got a close enough look at them to be sure.

'Did I... did I cause some of those? Was I the reason that he...'

'I should have run after him faster, shouldn't I have? I should have found him. I shouldn't have frozen when he kissed me, I should have made sure that he knew that I loved him, if I had just-'

I shook my head quickly to chase away my thoughts, closing my eyes, gripping my arm slightly, using the pressure of my fingertips to ground myself, grimacing slightly, trying to forget the possibility that my little sweetheart was hurt, had hurt himself; because of me.

I didn't even notice how I was calling Geno mine in my thoughts.

I opened my eyes again, breathing out a long, shaky sigh.  I gazed at a brick wall, examining the thousands of tiny cracks that covered it's surface, a single thought slipping through the cracks of my own - metaphorical - wall.

'I should never have let it come to this.'

I frowned slightly, and somehow found myself wondering just how much Geno's sleeves concealed, wondering just how many scars he had, how many marks marring his perfect body.

There were so many of them, just on his wrist alone.  And they were so deep.

'What if he decided that he couldn't live anymore..?  What if I couldn't make him happy..? What if he decided to...' My thoughts trailed off, and my breathing quickened, the possibility of Geno leaving making my throat tight.

The thought of never again being able to see the adorable tsundere with the red scarf made it hard to breathe.

'What if I hurt him somehow, then he went and..? If I accidentally hurt him enough to make him want to die? What if he killed himself, and it was my fault?' I gripped myself tighter, the subconscious part of my mind trying to ground myself, but my thoughts had already spiraled too far out of control.

'What if I tipped him over the edge, what if I couldn't save him, couldn't help him, and he... he...' At this point I was nearly hyperventilating, fear rushing through me.  'What if I lost him?  What then?'

I choked out a soft sob, burying my face in my arms, wetting my sleeves with tears that I didn't even know I was crying.

Crying?  I hadn't cried since before my father died, let alone sobbed, I'd just... Turned it off.  Like a light switch, I guess.  It's too easy just to forget your feelings, to push them aside... that is, until someone seeks them out and makes it impossible to turn them off again.

My someone was Geno.

'...Guess I really am attached to Geno, huh...' I shook my head at myself shakily, knowing that it was more than that. I continued crying silently into my arms, holding back sobs, body shaking violently.

'...I guess I really do love him...'

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Sorry for the slow updates, guys, writing inspiration is really low at the moment, so yey--

But here, have this crappy chapter with multiple musical references--