the three of us {chim}

Piece 83

Author's POV

"Why would you do this?" Cheryl wailed, now completely falling over.  Camille lost all control of her mother and saw Cheryl toppling to the floor.  She couldn't hold her up any longer and had to drag Cheryl into her room.

"No!" Cheryl shouted and stood up.  She stood a few feet away from her daughter, ready to burst into another rowl.

"Why?" Cheryl demanded an answer and Camille wasn't sure if she wanted to tell.  She decided to give it up, seeing as Cheryl will know if she's lying.

"Because I am alone!" Camille shouted, letting all the anger out now.

"You are not alone, Camille!" Cheryl shouted back, not understanding why she cannot grasp Camille's thought process.

"Then why does it feel like I am?!" Camille asked and sat on her bed.  The teen put her head in her hands and the room went silent.

"I don't know, that's something that you have to ask yourself." Cheryl sat down next to Camille, realizing that there's no use in shouting anymore.

"I can't." Camille quietly looked at the ground, unable to bare the pain she would see within her mother's eyes.

"Why?" Cheryl asked, so completely wrapped up in her daughter's feelings. 

"Because I don't know who 'myself' is anymore."  Camille blurted out and saw her mother look at her with confusion.

"I keep so much pain inside of myself.  I grasp my anger and doubts and hold them in my chest." Camille continued, ready to clear this smoggy air between her and her mother.

"It has changed me into something I never meant to be.  It has transformed me into a person I do not recognize.  But, I don't know how to let it out." Camille cried in her spot, not bothering to wipe her tears "I miss who I used to be." Camille's voice cracked and she covered her mouth.  The teen was cracking right before her mother's eyes, tearing down her walls brick-by-brick.

"Who did this to you?" Cheryl asked and Camille furrowed her eyebrows "Who fucked you up so bad that you completely shut down every chance of help?  You don't talk about all your feelings, you push away the people who care about you most, and you let toxic people in your life.  You refuse to believe that you can make yourself happy.  Who did that to you?" Cheryl looked at her daughter, sitting only a couple inches away from each other.  The last time they were this close, Cheryl had slapped Camille.

"Everyone." Camille didn't need to explain what she meant, Cheryl knew it was the truth.  Every person in Camille's past life hurt her and she didn't even do anything wrong.

"But why did you never tell anyone?" Cheryl asked, pleading for an answer.  She wants to know why Camille went all these years without sending out a cry for help.

"Because it's terrifying.  It's terrifying to let someone in, let them see my dark corners, tell them my secrets, and explain why I am the way I am.  That's terrifying because they might run away with my secrets and never give them back." Camille shrugged her shoulders and wiped a tear that had fallen from her cheek again.

"I'm hopeless when it comes to love." Camille's chin quivered and it broke Cheryl's heart.  Suddenly, images of her baby's smile and sounds of her laugh flooded the mother's mind.

"Camille, I will never leave you, no matter how much you push us away.  When I told you I'd never leave, I meant it.  You're a little lost and damaged, but you're not hopeless." Cheryl moved closer and held her daughter's cheek in her gentle hand "I know who you are and I love who you are.  I'm staying, so don't worry about us.  Love yourself and know that I always have." Cheryl looked into Camille's blue eyes that are glistening with tears.