the three of us {chim}

Piece 124

Camille's POV

Nothing ever goes right. How am I meant to move on from everything when it always comes back? It always comes full circle.  I love so hard — I want to love so hard, at least.  But I cannot when all those voices in my head tell me to do bad things, say nothing, and see nothing but bad dreams.

"Millie?" I hear a knock on the door and then a voice, "Hey," Veronica quietly sighs and sits next to me on the bed.

"Are you okay?" She worriedly asks and I look off to the side, not wanting to speak about what happened.

"I really don't want to talk about it." I admit and she seems to go frozen. Her hands stay folded in her lap and she shifts away from me.

"We don't have to," Veronica quiets down and looks down to the floor. I realize that she is my sister and I have to start opening up to her.

"I had depression." I begin, "It's coming back, I think. I don't know, nothing in my life ever seems to go right." I briefly explain to her how I am feeling. She takes it in with every part of her, I can tell. She listens to me, just like the way Mam and Mum do. I can see it in her eyes.

"Well, I don't know what full-on depression feels like, but you're not alone." She holds my hand in hers as she speaks, "I have bipolar." She shrugs and I see a gleam in her eye that shows her past pain. I cannot seem to put my finger on it, but that gleam reminds me of someone.

"I go to group therapy, which sucks, never do group therapy." She chuckles a bit, "And I visit a psychiatrist and take SSRI." Veronica explains to me with full-on eye contact, showing me that she is not afraid to tell her dark side. She wants to open up to me and make me realize that I am not alone.

"I see a therapist too. And I take anti-depressants." I tell her how my treatment works and she smiles.

"See, you're not alone, we basically have similar treatments. And you'll always have someone, even if they don't go through the same things as you. My best friend doesn't have any disorders, but she still understands that I go through things. I don't always have the energy to see her, talk to her, joke around with her. But, somehow, she always lifts my spirits one way or another."

"I'm glad you have someone like that."

"Do you?"

"Yeah," I smile and look out the window, seeing Rosie looking back at me. I see her grin widen as I signal for her to come in the room.

"Are you feeling okay?" She asks and sits on the other side of my bed. Veronica excuses herself, leaving me and Rosie on our own.

"Yeah, just over all the arguing."

"Well, maybe you should sit them down and put your foot down. Explain to them how you feel and that whether or not Veronica is in your life isn't up to them."

"Yeah, but what happens after that?" I ask and look up at the ceiling, "They leave and hate me for the rest of my life?" I let the truth out, not wanting to hide anything from Rosie.

"Are you scared of losing them?" Rosie wonders, knowing exactly what I am trying to say.

"I can't lose them again." I croak and feel the burning lump in my throat.

"Cami—"

"I think I should be alone right now."

"I want to—"

"Please," I whimper, "I don't want to yell at you." I whisper as I keep my eyes from looking at Rosie. I know I don't want to raise me voice at her, I do not want to make her upset.