Kpop Love (Completed)

Pain (Your Choice)

Pain (Your Choice)

Written by AmberHansen8

*Your POV*

You know that thing you try your damnest not to do, but end up doing it anyway? I was having one of those moments. The little dark blue box that lay hidden in the back of one of my drawers, was calling my name. I hadn't done it in so long, but I did need something to ease the pain. Since he wasn't really around anymore and didn't seem to care, I needed someting to let everything go. So I sat for at least half an hour, holding the little dark blue box in my hands. Did I really want to do it? Did I need to ease the pain that much? With a sigh, I headed for the bathroom. I knew I was breaking the promise he made me make with him, but, at this point, I didn't care. He wasn't around to stop me either. No, he had long ago left me. 

So, I took my little dark blue dox into the bathroom. I calmly set it on the counter in front of me and opened it. I stared down at the small stainless steel blade that gleamed back up at me. It's like it was begging me to use it. With almost a blank look, I pushed up the slevee of my shirt. I carefully picked it up, being mindful of its razor sharp edge. For a moment I just looked at the way the steel contrasted with the paleness of my skin. But that was changed and painted red. 

One.....Pause...Breathe....Two....Pause....Breathe....Three.

I stared at the red painting my arm. I did feel better. I knew I shouldn't have, but he was gone and didn't care anymore. I rinsed the small stainless steel blade and put it back in the box. I wrapped my arm with bandages and rolled my slevee back down. I slipped back to my room. I quickly placed the little dark blue box back in the drawer and had turned around just before my door opened. It was him. Why was he here? 

"Hey," he greeted. 

"Um..hi," I said back. 

"Something wrong?"

"No. Nothing. Just kinda shocked to see you here."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Um...well...since she came along...you...uh...um...haven't really been here."

I hide a wince. My arm was startnig to pain me. I remember that I had forgotten to take any medicine for the pain. Sometimes I hated being me. 

"Since she came along? Did it occur to you that it may not be due to her?" He snapped back at me. "Or are you just thinking of yourself again?"

I froze and could only stare at him. Did it really just say that? Did he not know that I though of him almost every moment of every day? I couldn't get any words out and he stormed out of my room. Saltly tears fell out of my eyes as I fell to the floor. 

*His POV*

It had been almost a month since I had snapped at her like that. Why did I have to be so stupid? I knew she almost never thought of herself. I gathered what courage I could and went over to her house. When I knocked on the door, her mom answered and let me in.

"Are you looking for her?" Her mom asked, her voice slightly chilled. 

"I wanted to apologize."

"You're too late."

"What do you mean too late?"

"She left for America yesterday," her mom told me. "Here. I was told to give this to you. Now leave please."

Her mom handed me a letter and basically kicked me out of the place. I went to the park and sat on a bench to read it. 

Hey!

Yeah, I know we had a fight. Part of me still can't believe you asked if I was just thinking about me. Truth is, I think about you almost every moment of every day. I never wanted to tell you. I didn't want to come in between you and her. I pretty much decided that I would sacrifice my happiness, for you to be happy. Guess it worked, huh? But, I have another secret. It happened the day we had our fight. That morning I was thinking about everything and the pain got a bit much. Know where this is going? Sorry for breaking the promise, but I needed something to relieve myself. I tried to handle it, but I just couldn't. But I had just hidden the box again when you came into my room. And then we fought and I couldn't say anything so you left. I left the little dark blue box for you. It is part of the old me. I buried it at the bottom of our tree. Remember the one we always climbed so we would have a place to sit and talk? It's that tree. I hope no one else finds it before you do. Anyway, I did go to America. I got accepted to a college here. I wasn't going to accept to go there, but after what happened, I changed my mind. I need space and time to heal. It will be four years until I am back. I'll come back when I finish with college here. See ya then. 

Bye!

Warm tears rolled down my face by the time I was finished reading the letter. She had been waiting for me and I basically threw her away. Then I remember that she left the box for me and I raced across the park to the tree. I threw myself at the bottom of it and dug around. After almost five minutes, I finally found the little dark blue box. I wiped my hands on my jeans and sat back on my heels. I carefully opened the box. A stainless steel razor blade gleamed back at me. Then I sat there was a paper carefully tucked in the box. I carefully pulled it out and read it. 

Sorry I broke the promise. 

I snifled and wiped my tears. I wondered how many times she did that. Just wiped away her own tears. I should have been the one to do that. I should have been there for her. This was shaping up to be a long, hard four years.