The Warship's Diary

Nightmares

Saturday, 5th July 2020
I had nightmare when i was sleeping yesterday. The nightmare was about me being sunk, and i almost died just the day before yesterday at midnight. I mostly stayed in the medical room today, i did take a few walk at the base to kill time. While taking a walk at the base, i saw Cakra, from her face, she doesn't look sad, but from the way she was walking, she was definitely still sad about her twin brother. I wanted to comfort her about her twin brother, but i don't have a twin brother, how should i know how she was feeling? I decided that i should just leave her alone, she will have to move on, besides time will cure her sadness although it might take weeks. While thinking about this, it reminded me of a movie i watched when i was 18. The movie was an Indonesian movie with the title, what title? I forgot about the title, although i still remember the content. It tells a story of what happened at the battle of Surabaya. I know the battle of Surabaya happened at the past, but i don't know whether the story shown in the movie was fiction or non fiction. The movie had a slogan that i really like though. The slogan was There Is No... crap i forgot the slogan. The slogan had something to do with wars. But i really forgot the slogan. Thing is, the slogan meant that war is a bad thing. That slogan is correct, war only causes inevitable death and loss. But it's like sarcasm if i say that. I am a soldier in a war, even if we avoid war, history might disagree with us. We can't even possibly make peace with the FUO, whenever we try to communicate and talk to them, they won't listen, they would just attack us. The last 2 world war already caused enough deaths, but now here i am in a war. This is as far as i am writing today.

Sunday, 6th July 2020
I had another nightmare in my sleep. The nightmare this time is not about my death, but about humanity losing the war against the FUO. I can't remember much about the nightmare though, well everyone often dream but only some could remember what happened at their dream. I'm still staying in the medical room, and i won't paticipate on any sortie or battle. The doctors are unsure when i will be out of the medical room. Anyway, the admiral installed a big board at the base and wrote the name of every HWS who died for the last 30 days(the name of HWS that are currently missing is written too). Nanggala's name was written. When i was allowed to temporarily leave the medical room, i stood in front of the board and prayed that every HWS killed in the war to rest in peace. After praying, i walked back to the medical room, but before leaving, i saw Cakra stand in front of the board. When her eyes looked at the part of the submarine HWS who died, her tears appeared from her eye. I didn't say anything to her, i just walked away, she will need to get a hold of herself, this is the true reality of war, death and loss is inevitable. Back at the medical room, i overheard some of the new recruits in the medical room ask "will i die?". In my opinion, asking a question like that is useless, because everyone will eventually die. And we are in a war, so instead of asking "will i die?", we should ask "when will i die?". In biology there is a law that never changes, every single living thing will die, it's just a matter if time. This is as much as i am writing today.

Monday, 7th July 2020
I had the same nightmare again. These nightmare has been haunting me ever since that sortie, i would be happy to somehow get rid of the nightmares. I have nothing to do again today because i was still staying in the medical room. The engineers were building a new equipment for me, some part of my last equipment is already under the sea, and the rest of the part of my last equipment was beyond repair. I really have nothing to do today, so i offered my help to the engineers, but all of the engineers declined my help, they're not going to let me help them when i am still staying in the medical room. I just played the quirky mathematic games all day. But while i am staying in the medical room, i know that at least 20 HWS dies everyday, we are in a war after all. I heard that Lexington and Liaoning were given orders to come back to their nation and help their nation's frontline battle, China and U.S. must have gotten some problem facing the FUO, but i won't judge. There's not much for me to write today. And while i am writing this, i just remembered that i need to show Sigalu the image of the red writing on the mirror in the toilet. I've forgotten to show the image to her. One way or another, i will have to take care of this ghost problem. It's 10 pm at night while i am writing this, so i'll show it to her tomorrow. I should get some rest.

Tuesday, 8th July 2020
I finally had no more nightmare, i hesitated to sleep yesterday just to avoid the nightmares, but i didn't have any nightmares anyway. I showed Sigalu the image of the red writing on the mirror in the toilet. She actually could see the red writing. At first, she clearly thought i was joking that only i and her could see the red writing, not for long though. I told her to follow me while i show other people the image, and her opinion about me joking changed drastically. She was very surprised after i showed 6 other people the image, they said that they only saw the picture of me taking a photo of myself in the toilet mirror. She then admitted that she could see the ghost, then she said something about the bed i used in the room i and Bung Tomo occupied. Before she finished her sentence, the alarm rang, the FUO were attacking us! They were sending 13 ships to attack our base. Sigalu was one of the HWS that was available for battle, i wasn't, so we went seperate ways. I had to get ready in case i have to evacuate if the HWS fighting the enemy lost the battle. The enemy was taken care of and the atmosphere at the base came back to normal. After the battle, i searched for Sigalu to continue the conversation. But when i found her, she said that she didn't want to talk about it anymore. She told me that it was a memory too painful to bear, i didn't question her any further and left her alone. I didn't get much information from Sigalu, but i at least have a lead, i will inspect and take a look at my bed tomorrow. It's almost midnight, i should sleep.