Dirty Little Bastard

16

I was filled with dozens of mixed feelings, yet was now trying to block them out and enjoy the relaxation and satisfaction Theo had abled me.

I had always had the flaw of thinking too much. It made me extremely hesitant and often prevented me from living life to the fullest.

The reason as to why I had the need to help people, and so become a nurse, stemmed from my childhood. I had - due to unfortunate events - been thrust into the world of an over-thinker.

Nothing seemed to worry Theo too much. Yet another thing where we were the complete opposites.

How did this feel so right, then? Laying on my side, cuddled up against his bare body, safely secured between him and the backrest of the couch. My fingers were tracing out small and soft figures onto his chest while his hand kept me against him in the small of my back.

"What do you want to do for that date of ours?" He broke the comfortable silence after a moment. I knew I should be getting to sleep as soon as possible, but with my racing thoughts, I couldn't.

"Can't this count as a date?" I spoke quietly, eyes fixated on the darkness over his body in the living room.

"No. Now tell me what you'd like to do, Tinker Bell. How does dinner at mine sound?"

"So you can woo me and all that prince charming shit?" I quoted him from before, and he chuckled.

His arm behind me tightened his hold on me for a moment, the duvet draped over us lazily, "exactly. Spot on, babe."

"Theo, listen," my head, which was resting on his upper arm, moved to look up at him, "we need to stop this."

His brows furrowed, dark features looking even darker. He was quiet for a moment before speaking, "do you really want to stop this?"

A shaky breath left my lips and I found myself shaking my head at myself, "we both know this is too complicated, and not just because I'm making it so by not giving in to you. I'm scared. I want to live a peaceful life, please don't ruin that by forcing me into the limelight with you. This has been nice, but—"

"I'm not forcing you into anyth—"

"No, you're not. But everyone who you step outside with gets photographed and has gossip written about them. It's already happened to me, and I don't want that."

He sighed, hand running through his hair. I knew he was tired, but this was something we needed to settle now.

"I'm tired of being alone. You have no idea how fucking tiring it is, Scarlett."

Was he insinuating what I thought he was? Did he want me to be someone who'd make him feel less alone?

"I know you don't want any attention, but I also know you care for me," he continued after clearing his throat a little, "this whole thing wouldn't wind you up so much if you didn't."

I still couldn't say anything, never had I ever experienced pillowtalk such as this. This was too much for the early morning hours. My fingers were no longer moving against his chest; my hand laying flat against it.

"Would you maybe say something so I don't feel like I'm completely embarrassing myself? Scarlett?"

"I don't know what you want me to say, Theo," I spoke quietly after another moment, "you're moving way too fast for me, I wanted to think of us as just a one night stand, but I guess that's not possible anymore... maybe just friends who have happened to have sex a few times..." I had no idea how to go about this, my heart racing as my cool and calm state vanished, "I have so much going on, I basically live at the hospital. I have no time to start relationships, especially ones that require extra effort to keep private."

I knew he understood where I was coming from and had nothing to say. His hand on the small of my back comforted me with gentle movements and touches.

"I know that my social life is very publicised by the press, and that you think I have sex with every single woman I come across—"

"I don't think that. You told me not believe everything in the papers, and I don't. The paparazzi photos of you and Emma... everyone thinks she's just some model who flew out to keep your bed warm for a few nights, but I know you were helping Justin's and her relationship stay hidden," I pointed out, "you're a good person, Theo. Just..."

"Just... not for you?" He did sound disappointed and I felt so bad turning him down, especially when he had been so genuine and honest about himself to me.

"I don't want to give you false hope," I told him, "I do care for you, more than I should. My hesitation towards there being more than just sex between us has got nothing to do with who you are. It's just... your lifestyle."

"Right," he cleared his throat, "you're overthinking this, though. We could make it work."

For a moment I was quiet. He was very adamant on having something more happen with us and for me, that was slightly frightening. We had only been on one date, there wasn't even a proper emotional connection...

"You're moving way too fast for me, Theo."

"I'll stop scaring you, Scarlett. I just needed you to know about my intentions with you," he explained, giving me a kind smile, "I'll give you time, just keep this all in mind, okay?"

"Okay."

He surprised me by placing a small kiss onto the top of my head, "good night, Scarlett."

"Good night."