A Teacher's Diary

The Procrastinator

July 17, 2014

Thursday

My room's door burst opened. Lyza, (one of the babysitters) emerged. I opened my eyes and stare at her, trying to figure out the cause of her disturbance. "Wala ka bang pasok ate?" I just shook my head and went back to my sleep.

As I was eating breakfast, I heard magtataho from outside. Tahooooo! I hurriedly went out to call for him. I had mine with the pink tumbler, putting it into good use. I also ask the kids and their baby sitters if they each want a cup. The magtataho was not done yet giving me my taho when it rained. I went back inside to get an umbrella and held it above him. I think he's just 20's, just my age. Or younger. When he's finished, I asked how much everything costs.

I just admire people like him who does some decent job to earn a living. And imagined how hard it is to carry a two big aluminum containers full of soya and sago and sugar syrup. Both balanced by a wood on his shoulders. The shouting of taho to the streets while walking. Trying to lure out customers who will be interested with the product he's selling.

He said the one in the tumbler costs php40. And he did the math silently for the other cups. I gave him php100 paper bill. He was counting for my change when I told him, "Oh no. Don't bother. Keep the change." "Salamat", gratefulness was obvious in his tone. He smiled. I just nod, smiled back and went back inside.

I wanted to tell him goodluck, stay dry and healthy. But I didn't. I think it would be weird if I did.

****

I busied myself finishing reading Mockingjay. When we got home last night from Megamall, our electricity had been back. A knock from the door. This time, it was Ate Wina and Kuya Godi. She brought all of her gadgets with her, to charge. Unlike here, their electricity was not back on. She was ranting, half crazy about something she's doing. A paperwork for school. A week's lesson plan for Mother Tongue Based - Multi Lingual Education of some sorts.  I heard this from our K12 training for Grade 3 Private School teachers. And I can only laugh with her frustrations. I also have the script to finish off which I haven't actually started yet.

Mom brought us bread and ice cream for merienda. I finally decided to type in keywords in the search engine which might be of help for the script. But still, I have no motivation to start with it.

****

I rose. I checked myself in the mirror. I kind look like a little different because of my straight hair. I think I like my curly hair more. Having realized that having my hair trimmed and rebonded didn't resolve my issue with my hair fall.

I called Keng. A ploy so Ate Wina and I can get rid off Zac since he keeps on disturbing us. It only lasted less than five minutes because we stopped hearing each other on the phone. We ended up exchanging text messages. I told her about how much I would like to have a reunion. The five of us together again. Keng, Jane, Pau, Tin and me. She agreed and replied, "Yeah. Tama. Hirap humanap ng tulad niyo."

I checked my Facebook account. Run through the Newsfeeds. I liked Juno's video post. I didn't watch it. But it clearly shows that he's singing as he's playing the guitar. I just imagine him trying to serenade his GF for their one month of relationship. I'm glad he has found his happiness. And I hope he won't do anything stupid to let it slip away. I also skimmed through my notes. I opened 'Akology' I made two years ago about myself. I wanted people close to me to be able to read it. To know the real me. To understand why I am being complicated at times. I tried to highlight the text. To copy and paste it over my Wattpad. But I don't have the option. It's like copyrighted. So, I just resolved it just by reading it. Trying to decipher the words I've written long ago. I've also noticed Bubb's story. I skimmed through it, and I know... I've got her as a competition. She's good at words. We both wanted to write stories. She can accomplish hers. And I just can't. And I am jealous of her with that. But I don't hate her for it. I haven't talk or exchange messages with her in a while. I just don't feel like it, given that the last response I got from her seemed distant.

But this made me realize that I can't write for other people..

I can only write for myself.

****

Then, a post from T. Mayie:

Unless there is another and separate announcement by the LGU tomorrow morning, IMC WILL HAVE CLASSES FRIDAY 18 JULY. Update me when you hear that there is cancellation of classes tomorrow.

Kristoff sent me a private message wishing that the electricity's not back in Guadalupe so the kids will be ordered to go home. I don't know what to hope for. I don't have my script yet. But I would understand if I need to report to work tomorrow. I can't do this without aid. I think whatever I will be able to come up with will be some kind of a circus for our presentation. I don't want our branch to be the laughing stock. I want the kids to be able to put on a good show. I just don't have any idea how. I am frustrated that I think I am not suitable being a teacher. I can't handle this kind of responsibility. I am the opposite of great.

My head is starting to spin. My eyes hurt. It's already 8:30 PM in my phone's time.

I feel helpless...