A Teacher's Diary

Paperworks

July 13, 2014

Sunday

Monday is fast approaching and here I am buried with school paperworks. I am on my way of finishing my lesson plan but stealing few minutes of facing my Lenovo to read a page of the Mocking Jay. I can't help it since I already finished Hunger Games and Catching Fire.

I don't want to lose my sanity again by being too focused on schoolworks. It's a total ennui.

From time to time, I also hold onto my phone. Type in whatever thoughts I have. Check Merriam-Webster Dictionary whenever a bizarre word pops out. Think of EJ and wonder what he's doing right now. Read notifications on my Facebook account whenever I luckily timed the wifi connection being turned on.

I missed attending mass again. I wish someone would motivate and convince me to go, like Ervien did. He invited me to Victory and CCF - both Christian's group. I liked either since it was so lively and informative. I wonder if the other side really exists and if he's watching over me. I imagine him with a dispppointed look on his face since he failed on making me commit to be a Christian as he was. And weeks passed, I haven't attend even the Catholic mass in our church. I just don't get it. Religion does not save people. Faith does.

I know God exists. I was not finish reading 'Heaven is Real' but it makes me think I should be mindful of my actions. God is watching me. And I am very guilty of myself. I am a sinner. And I am grateful God is a loving and forgiveful God. I can only pray to Him the Serenity Prayer. My favorite prayer of all.

And I'm sorry God.. for I am always some kind of a headache to you. Thank you for not giving up on me.

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Daniella Torino, (I call her Ella by the way) started following me here in Wattpad. And you would know once you read her comments. I just don't know what to say to her. Now that I am an open book. And I am not sure if that's a good idea. For me or for her. My entries may not be something of a role model. This diary reflects my humanity. My being human. My mistakes and flaws and imperfections. And I don't even know if she would understand. I know she's one of those kids looking up to me. Because she thought I am smart and pretty and other whatnot. But no. I still have a lot to learn. I have a very big room for improvements. And somehow, I am worried that after she read my thoughts and emotions here, everything will change.

There's a bright future waiting for her. I can tell that. Though I only met her once. I know one day, she'll be far better than me. I'll be genuinely happy when that day comes.