im sorry im not enough for you. but why did i still have hope?
**
Finn stares at the dance floor, his heart shattered as he watches her. His Millie. Her brown eyes glimmer with hope, and love. Her brown hair bounces with each jump she takes as she grins like a little child.
She looks happier. Finn thinks, biting his lip to contain tears as she dances with her new boyfriend.
"You've got to be kidding me." A voice stares, sighing behind him. He doesn't turn, already recognizing the voice.
Gaten sits down next to Finn, his eyes glued upon the couple as well. His blue eyes travel back to Finn, who's eyes are brimmed with fresh tears.
"You guys broke up a month ago. I thought you'd be over her by now." He leans closer to Finn, who finally meets his piercing blue eyes.
"I still love her, man." He chokes out. Gaten licks his lips, patting him on the back in sympathy. Finn stares back at the two of them, and a tear rolls down his cheek when he sees her press a soft kiss on his lips.
She used to kiss me like that.
"I gotta go." Finn mumbles, standing up and quickly rushing to the door. He grabs his jacket and rushes to the parking lot.
He stops on the sidewalk, and rests against the cool brick wall of the chapel. A mutual friend of Millie and Finn had invited them to her wedding today. He was hoping to be able to try to win her back; but he clearly had no chance anymore.
She was his everything. Every time he woke up he was met with an unbelievable amount of happiness. He loved and appreciated her every single day. He had never been happier with someone than with Millie.
"Finn." He turns his head to the side to see Millie, standing not far from him. Her heels glimmer slightly with the bright moon's light. Her brown hair was in sharp curls, slightly frizzy from all the dancing she did. Her navy blue dress fits every one of her curves, and Finn sucks in a breath.
He doesn't say anything, but tucks his hands deep into his suit pockets.
She can't help but admit how attractive he looks. His usually curly hair was slicked back, but a single curl rested upon his forehead. His tie hung against his white button up shirt, giving a slightly messy appearance, but still managing to look clean. His jacket was slung across his shoulder, he didn't have the time to put it on.
"Finn." She repeats, taking a step closer to him. He closes his eyes, tilting his head up towards the sky. His jaw was clenched, not from anger to her, or to her new boyfriend, but to himself.
"I shouldn't have left." He says quietly, but she can hear it as if he was next to her. She looks down to the ground, her eyes trained upon the many small cracks in the sidewalk.
"Yeah... yeah that was kind of a shitty thing to do." She mumbles, and he nods to himself. "You could've at least given me an explanation." She adds, lifting her eyes to him.
"You want to know why?" He asks, his eyes shifting to her hurt face, and feels his heart crack even more. She nods, words getting caught in her throat.
"I left because I'm not good enough for you."
She bites her lip, watching as tears form in his brilliant deep brown eyes. "You- what?"
"I left because I couldn't be with you, without the gut wrenching worry that you'd leave me for someone better. I knew you'd get tired of me eventually, and that I wouldn't be enough for you. You are amazing, and you deserve way better than me." He runs a hand through his hair, messing it up slightly.
"I wouldn't leave you." She whispers, tears also forming in her eyes.
"But you've already found someone new."
"You mean Jacob?" She asks, and he shrugs. "Whatever his name is, yeah."
"We're not dating." She states, crossing her arms against her chest. He gulps, waiting for that "but". It doesn't come.
"Oh." He murmurs, and she nods.
"But he treats me better than you did. He tells me when something is upsetting him. He is always with me. He doesn't leave me with no explanation, and disappear from my life for 3 weeks."
There it is.
"You think I wanted to leave? I had to, because I'm not safe. I'm slowly destroying everything and everyone I care about. I had to leave or else you would get hurt worse." He raises his voice, turning his body away from the brick wall and facing her tear stained face.
"How are you not safe?" She asks, her voice slick as ice.
"I fuck everything up. I hurt everyone I care about. I destroy myself, and the people around me. I couldn't let you be poisoned by me." He states, each word stabbing at her heart.
"I love you too much to let anything like me happen to you." He whispers, his face now inches from hers.
"What if I told you that I don't care? That I would put up with all of it to be with you!" She raises her voice, anger flushing through her body.
"I don't deserve you. I never did, and I never will. I want you to be happy, and that won't be with me." Her jaw clenched tightly, wanting to spill every word out to him.
"I don't care if it hurts. I want to be with you." She whispers, cupping his face in her trembling hands.
He subconsciously leans against her hands, missing the feeling of her warmth. "Please. Let me be with you." She whispers, her lips brushing against his.
She places a tender kiss on his lips, and he finds himself kissing back. He pulls away soon after, and lets out a shaky breath.
"Please don't make this any harder." He whispers. She furrows her eyebrows, asking for a further explanation of his words.
"I'm going away for a while. Somewhere far. I don't know if I'm coming back. But I just can't stay here anymore."
"Of course. You always can't be here." Her voice comes out sharp, and Finn close his eyes. He expected it, but it didn't hurt any less.
"Mills. I'm not good for you, or anyone. I need to find a way to... fix myself." He looks down at his hands, which he didn't notice were enclosed around hers.
"You don't need to fix yourself." She whispers, her voice croaks as tears slip out of her eyes.
"Please don't do this." She cries, leaning her forehead to his. She wanted to stay like this forever; with him in her arms.
"I'm sorry. I love you, but I have to protect you from me." And with a last loving and longing glance, he turns and walks away from the sidewalk.
I can't stand seeing you with someone new.
***
Word count: 1164
