I've been feeling very alone and have been getting waves of depression a lot lately. I've also been getting anxiety attacks a lot, so this is a vent chapter.
Also, this song is so fucking good. Please listen to it while reading.
**
Don't you know I'm no good for you?
It's too much. The pain of everything crashing down on Millie. Her friends, gone. Her parents, cold. Her boyfriend broke up with her.
I've learned to lose you, can't afford to.
Her boyfriend, Finn, had been distant. He barely talked to her, and when he did they were small and simple replies.
They used to be the closest of couples. Finn would wake Millie up every morning with a cheesy good morning text, leaving a smile on Millie's face. Millie would tell Finn corny pick up lines. Finn would calm Millie down from her anxiety attacks.
But out of the blue, Finn broke up with her.
Tore my shirt to stop you bleeding.
Millie was always there for Finn. She comforted him on his bad days, laughed with him on his good days. She was his rock, and he was her's.
But now, more than ever, she needed him to keep her on the ground.
But nothin' ever stops you leaving.
Ever since that horrible day, when Finn broke up with her, bad shit just kept happening to her. Her friends completely ignored her, and her parents avoided her like the plague.
She didn't understand any of it, everything had been completely fine the day before. It was like the world was out to get her.
She feels tears prick her eyes, the vision of the ceiling in her bedroom becoming fuzzy. The hot tears then begin sliding down her face, spreading behind her ears.
Why was everything bad happening to her?
Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own.
She missed the feeling of Finn holding her. The warmth radiating from his body as his arms wrap tightly around his waist. The feeling of his lips pressing against her neck as she cries.
He would always hold her tight, every time she had a panic attack. He didn't force her to talk to him, he knew that she preferred to be comforted.
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that.
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that.
Gosh, she missed him. She missed him so much, he was like a drug to her.
She missed running her hands through his curly hair. She missed him walking her to her classes. She missed him getting her food on Friday nights, he had memorized her orders. She missed his goofy smile, and his playful winks.
His flirty comments, his comforting words, his cuddles during movie nights.
She missed his love.
Don't you know too much already?
I'll only hurt you if you let me.
She remember the day vividly. She hated replaying the horrible moment, but it was like a record in her mind that couldn't stop playing.
"Finn, are you okay?" Millie asks, noticing his expression shift into one of sadness and regret. She steps closer to him, cupping his face gently in her hands. He turns his eyes away from her, avoiding her concerned gaze.
"Mills, I think we need to talk." He says lowly, looking back at her with a look in his eyes that she can't pinpoint.
Call me friend but keep me closer
And I'll call you when the party's over.
"About what?" She asks, her voice small as she runs a hand gently on his cheek. He lets out a shaky breath, gently grabbing her hands and dropping them from his face.
"Us."
Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own.
"W-What do you mean?" She asks, her heart sinking in fear of what might happen next.
"I... I think we should break up." He says quietly, looking down at his hands. She freezes, feeling tears prick her eyes.
"What?" She whispers, choking back tears. Finn keeps his eyes trained on his hands, eyes prickling with tears of his own.
And I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that.
Yeah I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that.
"Why?" She chokes out, and his head slowly lifts as his eyes meet hers. He ignores the wetness in his calming brown eyes.
"I...I just don't feel the love anymore." Her heart shatters, as she lets a small sob leave her throat. His heart breaks at the sound, but he knows it's too late to turn back.
"You don't feel it? You don't feel what I feel? You don't get the butterflies in your stomach when you look at me, like I do with you? You don't brighten up when I text you? You don't want to be with me forever?" She rambles, each word crushing the both of them more and more.
But nothing is better sometimes.
"No." He lets out, his heart dulling when her tears slip faster.
She stares at him pleadingly, searching for some sign, as small as it may be, that he doesn't mean what he says.
He turns his gaze to the wall next to them, swallowing harshly as he blinks back his tears.
Once we've both said our goodbyes.
"Fine." She sighs, wiping away a single tear. He runs a hand through his curly hair, wanting so badly to hold her tight.
But he has to break up with her.
"Goodbye, Millie." He states, giving her the smallest of smiles, his heart shattered into a million pieces.
She was his everything. He was such an idiot to let her go.
"Goodbye, Finn."
Let's just let it go.
Let me let you go.
Millie sobs in her bed, burying herself into her blankets, crying her heart out.
Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own.
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that.
She always loved and loved and loved.
But people never seemed to love her back.
And even if they did, they didn't try hard enough to stay around.
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that...
***
:,(
I'm busy tomorrow so no chapter for Finn's birthday but I'll probably post a cheesy message and post an edit on my Instagram (@/wolfhardshook)
Word count: 1005
