That feeling you get when you look at your crush to find them already looking at you 😊😊🤧
**
Blue.
The color of the sky as I lean against the large oak tree. My eyes are glued upon the sky as white and fluffy clouds are painted upon the light blue world.
I had always been fascinated by what the world was. The way the moon shines down upon us as we began going to bed. The way the sun would be there to greet us in the morning. The way humans interacted upon the place we call Earth.
The thought of how minuscule we are on this giant piece of rock, just spinning through the universe is one thing that doesn't please me, however.
The fact that our lives are so small, so meaningless. The fact that the people we love, our fears, our joys, our friends, our grades, and everything about us isn't important to the world.
It makes me feel so small.
Most people at my school don't worry about these things. They never spend the time to sit down and think about how the world doesn't revolve around them.
They are just a speck in the world. The universe doesn't know their names, they are not important. I just wish everyone would realize that.
"What are you thinking about now?" My best friend, Millie, sits down next to me. She wears a royal blue skirt, paired with her white and blue striped shirt.
Her brown curly hair was pulled into small space buns, complimenting her natural features. Her brown eyes locked on mine, as she leaned her back against the same oak tree I was sitting against.
"Too much." I mumble, watching as she leans her head against my shoulder.
We had always been great friends, we had known each other since we were young. But lately, I had found myself seeing her in ways that a best friend didn't.
I constantly found myself in a trance of how beautiful she was. How her soft eyes glimmered in the sunlight. How her light pink lips looked so kissable. How her smile could brighten up the world. How she made me feel was so new, and so nerve wracking.
But she doesn't feel the way I find myself feeling about her.
She only had eyes for Noah Schnapp, a fellow classmate at our school.
I knew I had no chance with her. I was a freak, an over analyzer, and a loner. She was my one friend. But she was beautiful, kind, and people liked her.
Why on earth did I ever think I could have even the slightest chance of being with her?
But me, being the closed off person I am, never revealed my feelings to a single soul. It's better to hurt on the inside, than to let people in. They'll only disappoint you.
And as much as I love Millie, the girl who radiated happiness, with her sparkly blue notebook, and her constant need for fun, I can't even tell her.
"You know, you don't talk to me as much as you used to. Are you okay?" Her voice is thickly coated with a layer of worry, but I close my eyes.
She doesn't care about your feelings.
"I'm fine." I state, the words don't taste weird or different on my tongue; I find myself using these simple words every day.
But I am not fine. I am no where near fine, but that's what everyone believe so quickly. I could be standing with tears in my eyes, and state that I am fine, when I am clearly not, and they would agree.
"Are you sure?" She asks, her puppy eyes traveling around my face.
I nod, and turn my eyes back down to my blue converse. She stays silent for a moment, watching me for any signs of untruthfulness. I fix my gaze intensely upon the shoes, avoiding eye contact with the girl I had fallen so hopelessly in love with.
"If you say so." She then rubs my shoulder, and I lean slightly into the touch. Every moment, even if it's for a split second, I savor any touches from her. Any signs of care.
Because lord knows when she's finally pulled away from me.
"Oh, guess what?" Her voice shifts to a cheery tone, and I nod, allowing her to continue.
"Noah asked me out!" She slightly squeals, and my fist clenches.
Now. She's being pulled away right now.
I want to hold onto her longer. I want to finally tell her what I had been struggling with for the past few months. All of these wants, but no dids.
I suddenly realize how stupid I had been. I thought I could keep my feelings away, but still somehow get the girl. That's how the movies go, right?
Wrong.
"That's great." I choke out, feeling my throat begin to close up, as I feel hot tears bubble in my eyes.
"I know! He came up to me after homeroom, and he looked so good in his blue shirt, and he just said 'you're cute, wanna go out?'. Isn't it so romantic?"
I stand up, and she knits her eyebrows, clearly confused by my sudden actions. "I-I gotta go. Have fun with Noah." My words sound like ice, something not common for me to do.
I stalk off towards the school, break almost being over anyways, but I'm not going back to class.
I head to my locker, and quickly open it, grabbing my bag and school work, and slinging it over my shoulder.
Nobody questions any other students actions; all too focused on themselves. So the sight of me exiting the school goes unnoticed by the few students still within the building.
I walk quickly to my house, it not being far from school, and try to hold back tears.
Why can't the girl be mine for once?
***
As soon as I get home, I rush to my room, and throw my bag onto the floor. I walk to the bathroom, and stand in front of the mirror.
My brown eyes are bloodshot, as tears being to finally fall from them. I had deep blue bags under my eyes, at the verge of purple. My hair is a mess, at least, more than usual.
I'm surprised Millie bought my excuse.
But then again, when had anyone cared enough to actually question my mental and emotional state?
I walk back into the bedroom, and throw myself onto the large navy blue bed, burying my face in the pillows.
I let out a loud sob, feeling my body shake as tears stream out of my eyes.
I just wanted it all to be over.
***
I watch from a distance as she walks with him into the restaurant. Her brown hair is in sharp curls, her face tinted with a soft blush. She wears a blue embroidered dress, as he opens the door for her.
The smile on her face says it all.
She is happy.
If she's happy, then I'm supposed to be happy, right? That's what best friends do.
But I'm selfish, and I wish she could be mine. I wish I could be the one who made her happy, I wish I could be the one with her.
Not him.
So I let my tears fall silently, one last time, as I watch her, in her beautiful blue dress.
With somebody else.
***
But then you remember you have absolutely no chance with them 😭
Word count: 1224
