His brain was going to retire his body soon. His music was so loud that maybe his ears would begin to bleed and would assist drowning out the screaming that was being endured by his parents downstairs. His focus was drawn from his ceiling to his closed bedroom door that was being pounded down by his sister. "Awsten, turn your music down!" Immediately, he dragged the volume bar on his phone across to maximum volume until he could physically see his speaker vibrate on every drum beat, he didn't want to deal with her either.
Yeah, Awsten loved Gracie, she seemed to be the only 'normal' person to exist within the household, but today she was dragging the entire family to her best friend, Sarah's, birthday dinner. He hated eating around people, his insecurities would scream in his head to tell him that eating was selfish. He was sickeningly thin, his bones carved permanent dents through his skin; he knew that he was unwell, he knew that he didn't eat or sleep or generally look after himself enough. He wanted to eat. He was hungry most of the time, actually, and he wanted to put on more weight, but every single time he ate he became nauseated; maybe because of the guilt, or maybe because he was just so hungry.
On top of the actual 'dinner' situation, Awsten had barely met Sarah's family. He knew that she had an older brother and her mother and father who were happily married, as far as Awsten was aware. They also had pretty much adopted Gracie, she spent most nights there, and Sarah's bedroom had more of her stuff than her one at home did; Awsten couldn't blame her, though.
New people were terrifying. Unfamiliar creatures that he feared would rip out his throat if he even considered looking at them in the wrong way, even though dying seemed quite pleasant to Awsten. Unfamiliar people were all he knew, he couldn't name a single person outside of the walls in his house that would notice if he went missing; even then he hid in his room most of the time and could go without leaving it for multiple days.
Song after song played, all merging together to just create noise. All he needed right now was noise, something so complicated that would confuse his head and his brain would try to stop thinking. His thoughts were the enemy, without them he could simply co-exist with the world around him and not have to worry all the time. Song after song, until a combination of sounds that Awsten had grown to love began to ring into his head.
"Doctor, doctor, give me a lobotomy,"
He smiled to himself, how badly he wanted all of his emotions to just leave his head. doctor, doctor, give me a lobotomy. The banging on his door came back, one day it was bound to fall off of its hinges. "I'm serious, Awsten! are you even getting ready to leave? We're leaving at six!" Gracie yelled through Awsten's thick wooden door, he could barely hear her over the song, but piecing together her words was an art he had mastered over the past year or so. Six. He opened his phone to reveal the time, "five forty-five? Shit." Awsten quietly said to himself and pulled himself up off his bed, sheets were messily sprawled across his mattress.
He paused the music and turned it down so it wouldn't startle him the next time he tried to play it again and dragged himself over to his closet. He couldn't admit that he was ever overwhelmed by his choices of clothing, his parents would never allow him to leave his house in anything that was ripped or band tees; not like he ever left the house willingly, anyway. he pulled out a pair of unripped black skinny jeans and a plain white T-shirt. Too casual, dad wouldn't like that. Awsten sighed, placing the shirt back wherever it would fit and eyeing a dark blue button-up. Don't wear so many dark things, Awsten! Dad wouldn't like that.
He owned a few colourful clothing items that were only there because his mother wouldn't accept the fact that his brain worked in black and white, that he felt a certain connection to greyscale. he decided on a loose red hoodie, who cared if it was too casual? he was comfortable and there wasn't any time to change.
He wouldn't have to look at the red, anyway, since he was severely colourblind and could barely see it.
Lacing up his black and white converse, he hesitantly turned the knob on his door and pulled it towards him, sighing at the reminder of walking directly into hell. Hell. An understatement, a place, if it existed, that would actually be more pleasant than here. he stumbled quietly down the staircase, be careful not to make too much sound, Awsten! His thoughts helped him sometimes, he had memorised all of the sections of the stairs that wouldn't squeak, which as an afterthought, was actually quite sad.
His vision settled immediately onto his mother when his feet made contact with the floor at the bottom of the stairs. She was wearing a dark dress, he guessed purple based off of the shade of grey that radiated off of the fabric, and long stiletto heels. Her blonde hair was back in a tight bun that was heavily coated in hairspray, it looked tacky, but it was her expression that made Awsten cringe the worst. "Finally decided to come out of your room?" she wasn't playful, she was being sarcastically wicked, a small smile perched on her lips that looked proud. Proud of what? Maybe it was raising a son that wanted absolutely fucking nothing to do with her. Yeah, that sounded about right.
Awsten rolled his eyes at the ground just for the satisfaction of feeling it, if she actually saw him moving his eyes in such a manner he would never hear the end of it, probably never feel the end of it, too. The sound of Gracie's heels tapping down the staircase saved Awsten from having to conversate with his mother, saying absolutely nothing was the better alternative to saying something she didn't approve of, which felt like everything. "Dad, are you ready?" Gracie yelled, enthusiastically.
"Of course, baby." Daddy's little girl. Awsten was envious of how much his father liked Gracie, he never even dreamed of hitting her. Of course, Gracie was always going to be the favourite child, she wasn't a disappointment. Unlike Awsten, she actually got very high grades and studied and had somewhat of a social life. She attended all of her classes and church every Sunday without fail, and she never argued. She didn't do this because she was scared, it was just who she was, which just made Awsten submerge himself even deeper into his extremely dominant insecurities.
YOU ARE READING
Serendipitous (Gawsten)
Fanfiction[COMPLETED] An apathetic boy with colourblindness and too many problems serendipitously meets a boy who may be able to help him feel all of the colours he'd never seen.
