He was sat outside his house on the cold grass. It was wet, absolutely freezing, at least it wasn't snowing again today. It was a Thursday; twenty-six days after he had last seen Geoff, he had been keeping count, even though he had stopped trying to contact the brunette a couple of days ago.
He was staring at the clouds that filtered out the sunlight, they were dark and gloomy, he loved days like this; they complimented his feelings.
He wore the sweater that Geoff had given him, he wasn't exactly sure what colour it was but he was pretty sure it was light pink. He wished it was any other colour. He sucked on the end of his half-burnt cigarette, letting the smoke coat the lining on his throat and lungs before slowly blowing the excess chemicals out of his body.
He liked the watch the smoke rise out of his mouth and disappear into the air, it was aesthetically pleasing to him. He took another drag and did the exact same thing, over and over again until the cigarette was too small, before taking another one from his pack and lighting it straight away with his almost-empty lighter.
He'd never smoked until Geoff had let him try it, even after that he hadn't been too fascinated by it, it was something he'd taken up about twenty days ago. Awsten was absolutely heartbroken though, every day he was starting to become more and more like the boy who had broken his heart in the first place; he wasn't sure why, but it helped.
He was glad that he was home alone, both of his parents worked long hours and Gracie was at school; if any of them found out that he had started smoking he may as well be dead. That's if the cigarettes didn't kill him first.
That's probably why he was lighting his third cigarette now, he could feel his body being destroyed from the inside and he was addicted. Destroying the inside of his body wasn't enough though; he pulled the cigarette from between his teeth and lifted the material of his sweater, Geoff's sweater, before pressing the burning end into the side of his pale stomach.
He quickly winced at the pain before laughing a little, he had an obsession with burning his skin, the stinging sensation was one that he treasured. He held the cigarette to his skin until it had stopped burning and he was bleeding from the small, circular mark that it left, before lighting it again and pressing it into a different area.
He did this until he was satisfied with the constellation of burns on his skin, they still stung even after the cigarette had been removed, he didn't want the pain to stop. The clouds were clearing slightly and the sun beamed through, he decided that it was time to go back inside.
He got superstitious a lot, even though he knew that he was home alone, he still latched closed the seven locks that were now installed on the inside of his bedroom door. He knew that having seven wasn't going to do a lot more than only having three, but the more he had, the more physically safe he started to feel.
The sweater didn't smell like Geoff anymore, he'd worn it so often that all of the scents from his strawberry candles were gone and had been drenched in left-over cigarette smoke; it still reminded Awsten of him though, he'd always tasted like that.
He sat down on his unmade bed, he never had the motivation to do anything but think anymore, so that's exactly what he did. He thought about Geoff. No matter how hard he tried not to, his mind always trailed back to him, it was starting to get annoyingly consistent.
He didn't understand why he couldn't just forget about him. There was something about Geoff that Awsten just couldn't shake, something he craved, he was desperate. He wanted to let go, it was obvious that the older boy had let go of him, he was better on his own, anyway.
His eyes wandered around his room, everything was so plain, he liked it that way. He'd tried to decorate his room in the past but every time that he had put something up it made him mad, he didn't want to be happy anymore, wallowing in sadness was his latest hobby.
He found himself staring at a box of paracetamol. Do it. He could take them all right now and it would all be over, just like that, by the end of the night he wouldn't have to worry about sneaking more money from his parent's wallets for cigarettes, no more sleepless nights and bland days, no more Geoff.
He slowly stood from where he was sitting on his bed and walked over to his dresser where the box was, just out of curiosity, he pulled out the sheets of pills, counting them to see how many were left. Twenty-six. One for each day.
He put them back down again, he didn't actually want to take them, although his thought process kept drifting back to it. He was glad though, it meant that he could take a break from being obsessed with a boy.
He never wanted to think about Geoff again. Not about his baggy sweaters or his smile or his damned fucking eyes that made Awsten want to let Geoff do whatever he wanted to him.
He sighed before throwing the box of painkillers into one of his drawers so he wouldn't be tempted to take them later when his world began to fall apart, once again. At least he'd stopped crying at night, he wanted to think that maybe it was because he was starting to get better, he knew that it was because he was getting bored of being upset and had just shut off his emotions.
He lay back down on his bed for a while, he wasn't sure how long for but he wasn't home alone anymore. He could hear his parents arguing downstairs like they did every night, he just had to wait until his dad got sick of yelling at his mother and decided to beat Awsten up instead.
YOU ARE READING
Serendipitous (Gawsten)
Fanfic[COMPLETED] An apathetic boy with colourblindness and too many problems serendipitously meets a boy who may be able to help him feel all of the colours he'd never seen.
